Chapter 1
I saw a man which I wanted very much to be connected to at the local shopping mall about two years ago, or even more than that.
He was my other roommate when I was in New Zealand, Alan Chee. A Malaysian, he was a nice guy and we were good friends.
Alan Chee, Norman Joe, guests, me, Ang …..
That was a very quiet city, with sheep population higher or equivalent to human population. I had hated the place, as it was much too quiet for an “up town” girl like me.
Yes, I was supposed to be married at the time. My passport consists of my married name as well as my maiden name. I had already been customarily married away.
But what I wanted to tell you was, that I was unhappy there. I wasn’t used to living abroad, and although the air was fresh, and the people extremely friendly, I hated every minute of it. I was still very Chinese, even though I always criticized the locals. I think it was because they were much too unassuming for a complicated mind like mine.
I like things complicated. I like non straight forward thing. But most importantly, I had not wanted to marry the man who brought me there. It wasn’t my choice to leave Singapore; I never wanted to leave my own country. I had turned down several invitations to study abroad, yet I remained in this city.
Still the same, I don’t like to leave home.
I am brought up like this. I like to read, watch the television, and play games like the sudoku. You could say that since day one, I had prepared for old age, where I would have to live alone until God decided that it was time to take me home. Some people die in the sleep, I was told, unless they were telling lies. I am not a doctor; I can’t verify that.
Chapter 2
But in New Zealand, I had some happy moments when I got used to the quietness. Every Friday I would be dropped off at a yarn store where inside there was an old lady, but not quite old, who taught me knitting. I bought wool from the lady at her store, and she was patient. She would start to knit, and I would follow suit. Soon I became quite good at it, and I was able to knit the more complicated patterns.
I wore my own knit wear, and I was pictured in some of it.
So that I was very proud of myself. The knit wears are still with me, as they carry sentimental value. But I had not a chance to wear them, as I had grown very fat since I came back to Singapore. Singapore is a hot city, but I like it hot. People who gave me lifts always tell me, “Don’t go in yet, it’s very hot,” meaning that the seat is scorching, and I would respond, “I like it hot, the hotter the better.”
I don’t know why. Perhaps that is why I had refused to study overseas. My parents had brought me to U.K. to allow myself to decide if I could fit into the environment. But when winter came, I was freezing cold, and I wasn’t pleased with the fact that I had to put on the gloves, then take it out, and then with the gloves, you can’t use your fingers to feel the texture of things. I know that I hate trouble. But of course, as time passes by I would have gotten used to it.
I guess I didn’t arrive in U.K. early enough. I was there first in 1976, winter.
My mother and I staying at Lee’s Place ….. that is the name of the residence
And this is how I look. A jacket designed by my mother, with some woolen top and pants. That coat was tailor made. In Singapore you couldn’t find thick clothing.
The first station was Gloucester. It was our default station, since we lived near Gloucester Road. Singapore had no MRT then, and my first impression of the tube was in U.K. It was only in 1983 or thereabouts when Singapore built its own MRT, which we call the Mass Rapid Transit, so that I had now forgotten the name in U.K.
I loved the seats, they were velvety soft, unlike ours here, which is hard. Of course, in cold weather they have to be thick, and in a hot city here, velvet would make it hotter. But why don’t they use leather then? Ah, expenditure is higher. We don’t have the money.
I am often stuck with my past in U.K. and Singapore, as I can’t forget the culture there. Perhaps it is because I am completely anonymous there, and people ignore me completely.
Yes, you could say that I like to be ignored. I don’t like casual meaningless conversation, like where are you going? Have you had your lunch? In plain English, it could mean “which is your next job?” Of course, that is provided when you are telling others that you are leaving. Ok, “have you had your lunch?” then the next logical question would be, “what food do you like?” and “where do you normally eat?”
Nope, I don’t like to tell others what and where I eat.
My father used to tell me that I should never quarrel with the waitress. Yes, he is right. On the way out, she might spit some saliva into the plate when she brings it to the table. But I have since carried it one step further. If the woman is annoyed, she might just curse into the plate whilst she is carrying it out. I am scared. Damn scared of food poisoning.
No. I am not paranoid.
I believe in home delivered food. As the delivery guy can be traced.
But most important of all, I do not believe that anyone would want to poison me.
Yes, perhaps in those days, my father has been told that someone was trying to poison us.
Chapter 3
Back to New Zealand.
I got to know the locals very well. They are nice. And they treated me well. The only reason preventing me from wanting to carry on and to migrate there is still the lack of night life. At twenty-four, I was still attached to the boys that was in Law School, which I thought I would marry one day. Law was my language at the time. But Chinese words and phrases still pop in to visit me from time to time. I can’t help it. I had it in me even before I went to law school.
Unless I cut ties completely with my old Nanyang Girls’ High School classmates, I can’t move into the English society without recourse. Short of killing them.
The minute I arrived in Singapore, I felt oppressed. The air had a layer of humidity indescribable. The air in colder cities is always fresher. So now, I welcome the rain today. It was pouring, although a little inconvenient, I am quite happy here.
Yes, the rain has come. And I my little brain flexes a Chinese song ～～～ 大地回春 ～～～ meaning the spring has come.
Yes, the air in Singapore is much better nowadays, although the PSI seems to be higher today. I don’t know why I am saying that. Perhaps it is because I am having the air-conditioning on more often nowadays, and I get more cool air.
We say “cool” all the time. And we hope that by saying so, the air will be cooler.
Oh yes, on the climate trend, I had better explain why I refused to return the Nespresso capsules back to the sellers for recycling purposes. It makes my kitchen dirty as I have to keep it in a special place. The cockroaches come, and I believe it is because they smell leftover food.
I still take coffee, if you want to poison me, you could try buying up the Nespresso company. But I think it would be too troublesome for you. You manufacture so many types of flavour, but they still taste the same to me. Anyway, poison doesn’t kill.
Don’t ask me what then. I don’t plan to die, yet.
