I feel like taking over his balcony …..
Chapter 1
Today is Tuesday 28 July 2026.
So long as you present well in front of me, you can be rotten everywhere else. And always be prepared to say sorry.
This is what my mother had taught me before, so that the first things I said to Lydia was, “Sorry I put you to sleep,” I did not say “Sorry I killed you,” for I was not absolutely sure that she was dead.
Lydia was my neighbour, and she lived two stories below me. I often saw her walking her golden retriever around the estate.
I wasn’t a full time worker, meaning that my work does not depend on the hours I spent at the office.
Several times I chanced on Lydia when I was downstairs. She was unfriendly. She looked at me and she looked elsewhere. I knew straight away that she wasn’t interested in making contact with me.
Chapter 2
It rained the moment I reached the ground floor. Strange that the weather could be so well timed to start rainfall at the precise moment. “Someone up there is trying to annoy me,” I thought to myself. My face turned sour.
And then I began to walk down. It was a spiral staircase. The steps are not so steep at 15 cm. After 15 minutes when I saw no sight to the end, I began to panic. “Help! Help!” I looked around and saw no one around me. So, I started to whisper. Still, I saw no one. And then I found a light on the staircase, it was a lamp to be precise. That comforted me, as I began to walk down, one step at a time, I had to make several turns. And then I began to count … I told myself that once I counted to 50 I should be at the ground floor.
One, two, three, four, five, six, …… at nineteen I changed to Japanese. And then at 45 I changed back to English, further down I went back into Chinese. I switched back and forth like this several times, until I had completely forgotten which language I was using, and then I heard an oozing sound, my mind blacked out, and I collapsed on the floor. There was still no one around.
After several decades, I heard a voice. “Wake up! Wake up!” and then I began to take conscious of my surroundings. At the end of the room, there was a lamp, I saw light, and my mind floated back to sleep again.
Again, I went back to the staircase, and I saw the lamp again. I wondered around the darkness, and I found a loose wire on the floor. I followed the wire, and then before I tripped on it, I traced it back to the source, and I found that there was no plug. Suddenly I woke up.
There was no bulb in the lamp! A lamp must have electrical wires and be connected to a power source. So there! You were a liar and a cheat I started cursing the lamp. You made me believe that there was a light. Where is it now? What do you mean by saying that there was a light at the end of the tunnel? How did the light come about? There was no power source.
Oh, the lamp. And where is it now? And who put it there?
These are the logical questions I asked myself.
I am not a mad scientist. I am just an ordinary social worker. I work day and night by meeting people from all walks of life. And every time I think I have finished with a handshake, another one extended a handout. I shook until I felt my hand started to come out.
Finally, I heard a voice, loud and clear. Enough is enough! Before I extended my left hand as well.
Huh? They want my left hand too? What do they want it for? They can’t make soup out of it for sure.
Shall I use a stick to shake my hand with these people?
“Chicken Soup for the Soul” I heard a loud voice. Omg! I began to flee, as though a devil was trying to catch me. But why would he want to catch me? What had I done wrong? Ok, I befriended one of the angels and went home. But why can’t I?
Chapter 3
I opened my eyes again. And there she was, putting a nice bowl of chicken soup in front of me. I remembered my dream. And I said, “there was no plug.” My mouth was dry just a whisper. The woman in front of me immediately retorted, “stop shouting will you, why are you so loud?”
I was lying on her bed, so I could not speak up. She left the bowl of chicken soup on the table, and she walked out without a further word. “Oh Lord,” I began to pray, before a dirty word comes out.
One shouldn’t be grateful for too long, neither should one carry grudges overnight. Father Jeremy used to tell us. Yes, I am a Catholic. But to this day I still swore that I am a non-Catholic. I told you, I like the Buddha. He is a big fat man with a round stomach, and he has a smiley permanently pinned on his face. They call it the toothless grin.
And then I thought to myself. I had better buy some Chinese beads. Immediately I sent the maid away. Her name is Geok Keow.
Geok Keow is a nice pretty woman who smiles often whenever she laughs. Her laughter giggles across continents, and when she returns it opens up to a nice set of small teeth neatly lined up.
I often wondered how many times she brushes her teeth a day.
Chapter 4
No, it wasn’t money or anything of the sort. Agatha and I were simply roommates. We owe each other nothing.
Sometimes you regret the things you say and do on an impulse, and soon after that you find it difficult to correct it. Agatha and I shared Geok Keow who cleans and cooks for us. Geok Keow is pretty, and she is a hardworking helper. Not one day passed by without her telling us that she is due to rest and seeking Agatha’s permission if she could retire.
Agatha slept late. She often reads and then she would fall asleep on her book. And I was not allowed to enter and turn off the light. I wished I had been given the power.
Chapter 5
Let’s take a trip down the memory lane and find out why my neighbours A and B were quarrelling all the time.
I name them A and B as I don’t know their names. Yet.
Today I opened my iPhone, and I saw another video clip telling me that there are scammers around everywhere. Immediately I “off ed” my phone. And then I thought, what if this announcement was sent by the real scammers themselves? But it can’t be. I was reading a Bible as well at that moment. Are you trying to tell me that the printed Bible was also a scam?
Finally, I couldn’t contain myself anymore, I opened my mouth, and with a slightly raised tone, I said, “one more time you say the word scam I am going to call you a scammer.” Yes, everyone scams for a living. You scam others to work for you too. You scam others to pay for your meals, etc. etc. But I guess the definition of a real scammer is someone without consideration, and someone who takes your money without your express knowledge and permission. If someone just doesn’t keep up to his promises he is just unreliable.
Yes, they are hideous people.
Chapter 6
One shouldn’t be grateful for too long, neither should one carry grudges overnight.
I knew that I should never have made that trip downstairs to confront him that evening. It altered everything, it changed my relationship with this friendly neighbourhood into a battle ground.
Why I did that I had no idea. Maybe my legs told me that I needed some exercise. Yes, that’s right. I took my slippers out and placed it inside the shoe rack at my front door. For no realm of a reason. And then I forgot that it was there and someone else took it away, and I went out to look for it.
And then subsequently when I heard Agatha shouting for me, I quickly ran back. I tripped and fell, and then I yelled. I am not sure if my neighbours heard me.
But then they did. And they promptly contacted their family in India and complained about me. Of course, if you tell me that they did not, I will believe you. They must have. One of them has an Indian grandfather.
And so, after I served Agatha her favourite foods consisting of a sunny side up, bacon on toast, I quickly went back to check the height of the step, so that I could be more measured when I next go down.
Finally, when I was satisfied that they were each 6 inches height, I went back into the house and shut the door behind me, leaving the invisible man outside my house standing. I don’t know how long he stood there, but I was sure that when I turned on the television set he was too tired and left.
Chapter 7
They said new year you must visit your relatives, no matter how nasty they might have been to you during your lifetime, adulthood, and to your parents. The siblings the Chinese calls it 手足, but you must not take it in the literal sense as hands and legs.
Agatha was clearly very ill. She was reading the book of a man who came from overseas with literally no hands and legs. This was a published book. And then someone whom I knew said that he had come to town. When asked if she wanted to verify by meeting him in person she said no. I too took it at face value. Until much later than I realised that the book could have been produced from a cut and paste.
Finally, I was told that Lydia moved out. Without notice. I was disappointed at first, but then I decided that a new friend is better than an unfriendly neighbour. Although I know I could turn this new neighbour into an enemy overnight. This is my specialty.
No, it didn’t upset me. But what upset me was that she didn’t come up and say a proper goodbye to me.
Actually, why should she? Can she lug her dog up to my house?
Oh, now I remember. It was the flowerpot on his balcony. A flowerpot on the balcony is harmless. It shows that the owner of the house has good taste and is usually because he came from an educated background. Where they got their education from I had no idea. Perhaps from Singapore, obviously. As they have the local Vanda Miss Joaquim.
I like Singapore. It is hot, sunny and everyone is extremely polite to each other. The Japanese bows, we just say, “please” thank you” “it’s ok” and “great” punctuated by “lah” “lor” “meh”. It is incomprehensible that we would need to resort to such non-sensical words to identify with each other. Oh yeah, if we don’t begin by the hi we are not ourselves. Why? Because the SIM cards were also called Hi cards.
Yes, I am angry, and I am insulting myself because Lydia had refused to talk to me.
And thinking of my moving out neighbour I had forgotten to water my plants this morning. This made Agatha very angry, and she started a fight with me. Geok Keow who saw the altercation quickly rushed out of the house in case she saw us punching each other and then she would have to call the police and be a witness.
Yes, I had told Geok Keow right from the beginning that she was employed here to work specifically to be a witness for the prosecution.
No, no crime had been committed so far. But just wait. Someone would be angry, and someone would fight. Who doesn’t? We are not angels. If we are, we would have been singing in heaven.
Ok, let me turn on the piano and start the drum rolling.
Chapter 8
A thief broke into our home. Having a thief break into your home is not something to be alarmed about if he took away nothing. What was shocking was that he moved our statue of Mother Mary.
Yes, she turned her back towards me. I wasn’t careful enough.
The minute I saw it; I tuned her back. And then I also gave her a set of Rosary to cover her. Like a set of blankets over the Lady. “She must be feeling cold,” I thought to myself. And then I went in to see Agatha again, and she was murmuring to herself, humming a soft tune, just like my young nanny who used to carry me in her arms.
What was the song that she used to sing in her heart when she was carrying me?
I ran and ran, as I ran my mind raced back in time to 1967 …..
No flowers, no music, I just carried a feather with me. And then halfway through my journey I fell down the steps. Ok! I remember now the measurement; it was 6 inches height.
“The time will come. And the time has come.” Agatha thought to herself. She sat up straight and went to fetch a glass of water on her own.
The maid saw that and the minute she realised that she asked for a pay increase.
Chapter 9
Again, Agatha said what I was reading was a scam. How can it be? I was holding The Straits Times spreading out right in front of me.
Even then she wanted to know which news read it was. What was wrong with her today?
So of course, I opened my mouth and asked, “you ok?” out of pure concern. Minutes later she came back, not satisfied, “have you had breakfast?”
“There, right in front of me,” I used my finger to point at the croissants, “one more time you point at me, I chop off your finger.” She shouted.
So, I gave her the butter knife, “use this,” I said.
Agatha stormed off. Leaving a trace of fumes behind her. And then fumigation started. I had to flee from the lab-bred mosquitoes.
The minute I came back, she said, “why are you back?”
Saw the helper Geok Keow, the pretty woman. I was satisfied, and I promptly went into the study to do my work. We call it the “Triangle Office”, as we did not want to compete with the Oval Office.
Come to think of it, is there a “Triangle Office”?
Ah, as in the Egyptian pyramids.
The environment is rather friendly, I thought to myself.
Finally, I got up from the sofa, and I heard, “I resign”. And then Agatha woke up from her bed, “What is happening?”
I literally jumped up with joy, at the same time, I heard a tune, it was an old favourite “Wake me up, before you Go-Go” the rest of the lyrics I couldn’t recall from Wham! I got to know that tune when I was in New Zealand and then it got lodged in my brains since time immemorial, perhaps since 2 March 1985. And then I realised that human beings are immortal after all.
Agatha is still alive, and if you tell me that she is dead, I will make a statutory declaration that I just saw her yesterday. Oh, no, it was today. She was lying in bed, as usual holding the Bible in her arm. I went up and covered her with a soft blanket.
Ok! The newspaper … she said she saw me reading a daily standalone publication named TODAY.
I couldn’t paste the voice of Lydia with her face, but I could see the invisible man now. And now my eyes are opened! Lydia is the neighbour downstairs, the one with the dog. And now I want to know the name of her dog. That was why I started my investigations. I began by asking all the other neighbours; all drew a blank. Who is Lydia? And how many people does she have in her house?
All I was interested in was the invisible man walking beside her. For she was laughing and smiling as though someone was walking beside her. Some natives had made fun of our Lord Jesus Christ saying that he was an invisible man who needs money. Sounds quite logical. We need to pay tithing when we attend service. Otherwise, the church workers the layperson cannot be able to come and attend to our needs, and we need the logistics as well.
Wow! Expenses are high!! And at this precise hour, I am just waiting outside the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd to wait for the archbishop homilies and some scripture reflections.
I was made to go on a merry-go-round in the entire estate for at least 6 weeks by now.
And all I wanted to know was the name of Lydia’s dog.
leegoldielocks 