If you asked me how I remembered my mother, I would tell you that she was a depressed woman who sat by me when I was arranging the furniture in my house.
“This is the living room,” “You must put the bed here, this is the bedroom,” “No, the fridge goes there in the kitchen,” the woman beside me was telling me how and where to place the pieces of miniature objects in the doll house.
The next day, I went to play with the house again. I imagined myself inside, walking around, and I heard me telling myself not to bump into the furniture.
The doll house stood by the staircase leading to an empty space downstairs where you could move into two other units. This was a large house. From the outside you thought that it was one large bungalow, but it was actually three houses. There were three families here. Of course, the houses were related. Upstairs was the father, and downstairs were the two families of their married children.
A dollhouse from my father ….
Married children sometimes lived quietly far from each other and they met with each other only during the festive seasons once a year on the Chinese New Year and shared a common meal together. They exchanged red packets and they wished each other well, for as long as until the next year if they should meet again.
Here we came across each other every day. My grandmother cooked very well, and the children came up and ate at one large round dining table during mealtimes.
Chapter 2
When downstairs quarrelled with upstairs, hell broke loose. But that was not to be happening until three years later, so I would put this part of the story on hold.
Today I went to play with the dollhouse again. But the woman wasn’t around there today. It was large, and the sections were collapsible. I felt a little bored and I started to rearrange the furniture. I took the fridge out and put it in the sitting room and I brought the sofa outside and I also took the bed out. Then I put the sofa in the bedroom and I placed the bed in the kitchen. The kitchen had drawings of a cooker oven and a sink on its walls. I was quite happy to be in charge of my own house.
“Come and eat,” Ma Jie shouted from the real kitchen. No, it was not called a real kitchen; it was merely an adult kitchen. My kitchen was real too, except that I couldn’t cook inside. Por Por was already sitting at the round table. I went up to the table to sit with her, wondering where the depressed woman was.
“The fish is good for your brains,” Por Por used her chopsticks and put a large chunk on my plate. I was hoping that she would add more sauce to the meat. I liked the fermented bean curd; she had it in a bottle. She dished a little and put it on the fish before she gave me some. I did not know how much it would cost her to procure the bottle but to me it was the most delicious dish on the table.
I marvelled at the way she handled the chopsticks, but I just ate the food, without the fermented bean curd for the time being. When she was not watching I would quickly put my spoon into the dish and yank out a portion. Just the fermented sauce, the fish was not important.
“Eat your food quickly,” Ma Jie talking.
“Fifth Uncle has gone to school,”
“Third has left for the office,”
“What happened to Ah Fourth?” Por Por queried. “I don’t know,” Ma Jie replied.
“You always forget to tell me about him, he’s the one I want to know where.”
“He doesn’t tell me,” Ma Jie said.
“Never mind I’ll try and find out tonight if I see him.”
I took a long time to swallow the food, there was always too much on the plate, which made eating a chore. It was compulsory that I must finish the food on the plate. I hated meal times, I wanted to go back and play inside my own house. Alas, where was that woman?
After lunch I went back to the staircase landing again, where the dollhouse stood. No one came to disturb it. The woman was gone, she never came back again.
Three years later I saw her again.
Chapter 3
Thank God for me today Por Por wasn’t at the table eating with me. I took my spoon and dished out a large portion of the fermented bean curd and placed it on my plate, and then I ate it together with the fried beef. Ma Jie did not cook fish today. It didn’t matter to me, so long as I had the fermented stuff. I was actually eating the rice with just the sauce. Who cared about food? Did we need to eat food to grow up?
Doing my colour pencils ….
Ma Jie set up the ironing board haphazardly. Today she was ironing the clothes with the board facing the round table so that she could see that I was eating my food. This house was not so neatly arranged, unlike my dollhouse. The furniture was not placed against the walls. But actually, furniture was not supposed to be placed against the walls, but at age three I knew not better.
The bell rang, and Ma Jie dropped her clothes and went to open the gate. I could hear her large footsteps down the stairs. It was noisy. So was the sound of the gate opening and closing. Now I could hear Por Por coming up the stairs with her.
“Luckily you came back on time, it was going to rain soon,” Ma Jie said.
“I managed to get a ride from Egg Uncle.” Por Por replied.
I quickly took this opportunity to send some of the beef back to the main plate, thus reducing the duty of finishing the whole chunk of meat for this meal. This was placed on my plate at the beginning of the meal before Por Por came back.
“The sky is going to cry,” Ma Jie said childishly.
I thought she did not know that I understood what she was talking about with Por Por at the staircase before they came into the dining room. They underestimated me.
Por Por came into the dining room and took out a thin envelope. She opened it, took out a thin piece of paper with her crumbled hands. The letter fell out of the envelope easily as it was not sealed. Next to her I heard Ma Jie giving her usual commentary,
“This is your Mami’s handwriting, her handwriting is like this, small and scrawny.”
At this juncture Por Por flashed the letter at me for just one second, and then she took it back as she knew that I couldn’t read the contents.
I wanted to see the letter again, but I dared not ask. Who was my mother? What did a mother mean? I thought that my mother was Por Por. But there seemed to be a difference between a Mami and a Por Por. If Por Por were my mother I would have to call her Mami and not Por Por, and I am told to call her Por Por. Anyway, this was too profound and not important now. What was important now was that someone registered that I had finished my meal so that I could go and sit by the dollhouse again.
I sat for another ten minutes, during the whole time pretending to be eating when there was no more food on my plate. It had all been transferred out during the process when the two were reading my mother’s letter.
I did not know that my mother was away in another place until that afternoon.
Chapter 4
No, my mother was not in heaven. My mother was not dead. And I knew her to be residing in England at this moment. In my imagination England was somewhere far away where none of us could reach.
“You can visit your Mami in England,” was not once said to me, but rather, “wait for your Mami to come back.”
I never knew why my mother had to go to England; the reason was that she had to study. But why did she need to study? Was it proper to study when you were a mother? None of those other mothers did. I did not know what other mothers did every day.
I went to school to study too, but for now I had to manage life alone. Yes, I felt alone all the time. I never had a supporting voice, or that someone to tell me that it was alright to do this or that, or that something should not be done.
Por Por left me alone most of the time. She was just my timekeeper, not my caregiver. I had no one who was responsible for me. Very often I heard Ma Jie saying, “Don’t know if her mother likes it or not?” And then Ma Jie would give the look like she was worried about having to make decision.
“The sky is going to cry,” I heard Ma Jie saying this quite often, whenever it was about to rain. Although sometimes the sky did not cry after all, like today. But I saw that she had already collected the clothes from the pole and folded them into the basket waiting for another run when the weather turned hot again. I felt a little sorry at her effort.
“Can I put the clothes out for you again later?” I asked Ma Jie “These are the jobs belonging to adults, children won’t know how to do it.” She told me grudgingly, as though annoyed that she had to talk to me.
I found the two of them in the kitchen most of the time. Ma Jie moving in between the kitchen and the dining room, sometimes into the room at the corner the other room that was meant solely for my Fifth Uncle.
Fifth Uncle seemed to be living by himself at the servant’s quarters, but he did not live alone. A young lady who was rather pretty looking came into the room to see him regularly. She did not rest herself in the other parts of the house such as the living room or the round dining table. Whenever she was here, you could only find her in Fifth Uncle’s room. And you could find her only when Fifth Uncle was around.
She seemed to be one of Fifth Uncle’s items.
I was always happy when she was here, for whenever she was here, Fifth Uncle locked himself in the room and did not come out for hours. This freed me from anxiety, as I was afraid of Fifth Uncle.
One time he came out of his room and shouted at me, “Stop making so much noise.” I did not remember what it was that I was doing that made him so angry, but I knew that what I did he could hear it in his room, which I did not realize before.
I never knew the name of Fifth Uncle’s girlfriend except that she never attempted to talk to me and it seemed that I was invisible in her eyes. She was not rude to me it was just that she did not see me. That I didn’t know why. Probably I was not important to her at all. Maybe I was too small and inconsequential. And so, I looked forward to the day when she talked to me, that would be the day I gained weight in the family.
I allowed her to drift in and out of my world.
Whenever Fifth Uncle used the toilet to pee, Ma Jie would shout at the top of her voice as though to prevent me from using my imagination, “Fifth Uncle is turning on the water tap.” I couldn’t understand why she had to give this commentary every now and then, probably to let others knew that she was around the house. And perhaps she was talking to herself.
Why was Ma Jie talking to herself all the time?
Chapter 5
Por Por was watching television again. She sat cross-legged, and she peeled the skin on her feet. I noticed that about Por Por. I couldn’t remember when she did not do that whenever she was cross-legged. I watched with amazement as she collected the lot of skin left on the floor when she got up to walk away from the spot where she sat. I too started the habit of peeling my skin; I peeled my nails every now and then. And I didn’t think that anyone of the adults noticed me doing that.
It was to be a point of criticism from my Dad after he came back from London with my mother.
My Dad went to London with my mother. No, it was the other way around. My mother went to London with my father. She joined him in London. He was the one that needed to go, and she followed him afterwards.
I really didn’t know why the both of them had to go.
Nobody was able to explain this to me at that time, either they couldn’t be bothered, or that it was impossible to explain things to me. I realized that too and I decided not to pursue that topic any further as it always ended up with “Wait for your Mami to come back,” It was quite frustrating though, to go around the bush like that.
Just at this time, Ma Jie walked into the sitting room, “Shall I open the table now?” Por Por replied, “Give him another half an hour,” and then Ma Jie walked away. Ma Jie never watched television with Por Por, she only walked in every now and then and she caught the gist of the film on the television to make out the story for herself. On this too she made documentary. Maybe this was the way she talked to Por Por.
I was very sure that Fifth Uncle was coming home tonight without his girlfriend.
True enough, half an hour later; he came back with a book and some files. As usual he went straight to his room without talking to anyone. He shut his door loudly and immediately Ma Jie prepared for dinner. First, she took the plates out of the kitchen and I counted that it was exactly four sets. By that I meant four bowls, four pairs of chopsticks, and four small cups for tea. Thereafter she went back into the kitchen and brought the large plates with food on it. I could see that today she had beef, fish, vegetables and one bowl of soup. But what I was most concerned about was the fermented bean curd. Yes, it was there today. And this made me happy.
Tonight, there were more than four persons at the dining table. The old man was at the round table too. I watched the way Ma Jie arranged the crockery in front of us. Kong Kong first, then Por Por, Fifth Uncle, his girlfriend, then myself. I was the last, which meant that I was the least important so that if she ran out of a soupspoon it would mean that I wouldn’t get it. But thank God, all the utensils were in place. I was always given an extra set of fork and spoon. The other people at the table the four of them used a bowl and a pair of chopsticks. I had this at my side too, in case I wanted to practice the chopsticks, but so far no one taught me yet.
Chapter 6
Since that afternoon I had been waiting for my mother’s letter to come. I looked forward to what the piece of paper had to tell us. Sometimes it said, “Don’t give her too much salt,” and I wondered in amazement how a mother would be concerned about salt from overseas. She should be concerned about my clothes, I had very few clothes and I was always wearing this white top and the flowered skirt.
A casual outfit ….
True enough. That was my mother all right. A dress came. It was a sleeved dress, with a white top and a pink skirt sewn together as one piece, and then a piece of little flower was stuck on it. It made me happy for the entire day and the day after that. Then on the third day I decided that I must keep it aside as a piece of treasured garment, I took it away from the adults when they were not noticing it, and I kept it inside the bottom of my wardrobe in the drawer.
This mother of mine was still at large but the memory of her grew fonder. I was very fond of her I knew her to be my property. It was always: YOUR mother. However, I had no memory of her. She did not exist in my world. She was nowhere to be found at my Grandad’s house, at school the kindergarten, or even in one of the flats that Por Por’s tenants lived in.
I lived from day to day.
I knew I was just a kid. Compared to the rest of the people who lived in this house; they were much taller and sometimes I didn’t understand what they were talking about. I tried to fathom but it wasn’t easy. They did not make any attempt to conceal their conversation from me, they knew that I was just a kid and there were many concepts that I did not understand.
I asked Ma Jie once, “How do babies come about?” Ma Jie gave me a funny look, she turned her eyes away and replied, “Ask your mother,”
“Wait until my Mami comes back right?” I retorted, as I was getting angry at this standard reply that they gave me. It had become a cliché to them. But she was not embarrassed at all.
My birthday was on the thirty-first day of December at the end of the year so that it was rather nice. And that if anyone asked me when my birthday was, I could always say, “On New Year’s Eve.” It was also a very auspicious day to be born as I always got a half-day off from work, an advantage I learnt to be a fact when I was working as an adult.
So that when I was young I came to think that I was Eve the character who lived in the Garden of Eden in the Bible. Of course, now I knew for sure that I wasn’t Eve. Eve lived and died more than two thousand years ago.
Eve was a very pretty woman and she must have been gorgeous as she was the first woman God created in this world. She must have been very sexy too. I was not sexy, but I was very vain. My relatives who belonged to my mother’s side knew this fact very well. Second Aunty told everyone including Ma Jie in front of me, “She is sure to like the set of multi-coloured panties, I buy for her as she is very vain.” They did not think that I could understand what “vain” meant but I knew. I waited. I was more eager than ever for my birthday to come around. December thirty-first came. I opened my presents with expectation and great anticipation.
I did have some Christmas presents ….
Chapter 7
So far, I only mentioned my mother’s side of the family. On my Dad’s side it was less imprinted and opaquer. I spent much less time with my Dad’s side of the family. I only saw them once a week and it was my Aunty P and Uncle W who brought me to their house. I remembered that Uncle W always came in his car with Aunty P and Cousin Kenko.
Kenko was my cousin and he was my only playmate. At this time all my other cousins were not born yet.
Today Uncle W came to pick me up from St. Matthew’s. I was already prepared having changed into a nice frock. I didn’t have weekend clothes or clothes that I would wear when I saw my Dad’s side of the family. Neither did I choose my clothes. I couldn’t remember who chose my clothes though. It wasn’t Ma Jie, so it must have been Por Por. These were the two women with whom I spent most of my time. I think by now you would have guessed that Por Por my grandmother was in charge of my life.
“Vroom ~~~”. The car arrived at Kong Kong’s house and the driver toots his horn. I was all set to go. I jumped into the back seat and Aunty P said a few words to Por Por and I was off.
“Sure. I would bring her back before dinner, before 7:00 p.m.”
I was not interested in Por Por anymore. I started to talk to Uncle W.
The radio in the car was switched on.
“Is Seow Fong Fong singing this song?” I asked Uncle W.
“Teresa Teng, you know her?”
“No, I don’t. I only know Seow Fong Fong, can she sing this tune too?”
Uncle W gave me a smile and he turned the volume up. I was wondering why he did not reply. Now I knew that Seow Fong Fong did not sing, she was an actress, and actresses were not singers. They were two different categories of artistes.
This was to be a weekly affair, which I welcomed most.
Pretending to be riding a bicycle ….
I arrived at 21 Jalan Pari Kikis. It was another landed property, but it was terrace. Before you arrived, you had to go through a number of similar houses making a few turns. There was a dog living in this house. His name was Rover. And I was terrified of him. I waited until someone in that house tied Rover by his neck to the fence before I got out of the car. So long as I didn’t go to the backyard outside the kitchen I won’t have to confront Rover again.
I was unsure whether the car manufacturers had invented the car by the name Rover at that time. None of my relatives drove a Rover. I didn’t know how I came to know this but for now I could tell you with certainty that Second Uncle drove a Volvo.
Chapter 8
On my fifth birthday I did not see my Dad, neither did I see my mother. In any case I did not know who they were. I was the birthday girl and for my birthday Kung Kung bought me a slide. They had a large garden with sufficient grounds for them to put a slide there. I still had pictures of myself coming down from the slide.
A slide for my birthday party ….
“Don’t fall down,” I could hear Third Uncle shouting.
“You see, you see, she is wearing my colourful panties.” Second Aunty said.
Yes, I had started wearing the colourful panties that Second Aunty gave me. I am the first-born child belonging to the grandchildren generation so that I got all the attention and all the nice and lovely things in life. But Por Por hardly brought me out for shopping; the furthest she had brought me out daily was to the block of flats behind the bungalow. It housed a group of people who gave money to Kong Kong regularly. They were rightfully called tenants. Yes, my grandparents were landlords and later on in the story you would know that the relationship of my grandparents and my parents had changed from being relatives to become that of landlord and tenant.
“Give me a pen,” Kong Kong the driver said to Por Por.
“No, I don’t have one,”
“Why couldn’t you get it from her?” He asked, his tone showed that he was a little annoyed.
“Get it from her school bag, you are so silly.” Por Por took my bag and searched for a pencil, there was none.
“What? Why didn’t she even have a pencil to go to school?” I could understand the remark, but I kept quiet preferring the adults to think that I didn’t so that I knew what they were talking about all the time, in case they said bad things about me.
Por Por turned to me and asked, “Where are your pencils?” she sat on my left in the car.
“They have a large tray and we help ourselves it in the classroom during class.” I said.
With that both of them kept quiet and then Kong Kong continued with the journey. Kong Kong was the driver. No one else was in the front seat; Ma Jie did not come along. Ma Jie was at home all the time. She combed a long plait and wore a pair of black trousers and a Cheong Sam blue top. I was neither happy nor unhappy that she was living with me. Her presence made no difference to me. I didn’t think about her at all.
Por Por rarely brought me out. She was often watching television with me. Today I saw a woman in black being led to the prison, she had long red fingernails and as she walked into the prison she used her fingers to scratch the walls of the cell. Her fingerprints left a trail of red ink-mark on the wall. She wore long hair, but it was not the hair that scared me.
“Why do you let her see this kind of thing?” Ma Jie asked.
“How would I know the scene beforehand?” Por Por replied.
Then Ma Jie said, “now turn off the television,” for which Por Por retorted, “It’s too late. She already saw it.”
And then the two of them will banter for the rest of the day.
Of course, Por Por collected the skin that she dropped on the floor after she has peeled them.
I was not very vocal. I let the image frighten me without showing it. They looked at me for a while and then they ignored me, continuing with their tasks. I was about five years old then I didn’t know if a five-year old could describe what she thought very well. I was the only child in that large house and I didn’t see children until the next morning. No, I didn’t look forward going to school either.
Chapter 9
Tomorrow I must go to the concert. It was imperative because I was the lead actress. I was the bride in the “yanky-doodle came to town …. ” song. Michael the lead man had returned from a battle of war and his wife sang with a group of people to welcome him home. That time there was not yet the “tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree …. ” In any case Michael went to war and not to prison.
I had a very nice white dress with small little red flowers sewn on it at random. It had taffeta as an under layer and is considered to be very expensive in those days. Third Uncle took a picture of me in the dress at the back garden. I still had the picture, but I had no recollection of the colour of the shoe I was wearing.
A white dress with little red flowers ….
I sat on the table where the teachers had left some of the other costume and some makeup. I remembered someone complained that I was still sitting there after the teacher had put on my makeup for me.
For rewarding my efforts in putting up the play Aunty P bought me a very nice watch. It had a black strip and gold face, you couldn’t find it anywhere in the market now as its status had become that of an antique watch.
During the play, I was too slow in hooking up the button to put Michael’s cloak together. The form teacher, who was also the musical director, came up to us and pushed my hand away to complete the job. Apparently, Michael in the same class was her son. I felt very bad, but it was only now that I understood why she had to do that, because the music was going on and she couldn’t afford the scene to be frozen there. I had no one to lodge my complaint with, as Por Por was always too distant for me. I didn’t know that she wasn’t my mother, yet I also knew her not to be my mother.
In fact, what I remembered was that she and Ma Jie, this time Ma Jie came along, dropped me off at the school and went back with Kong Kong and Por Por in the car earlier on before the musical.
Chapter 10
Today I swallowed a fish bone. The doctor was called to attend to my throat. I was coughing throughout. I couldn’t eat, neither could I drink. A man with a large black suitcase came. He opened my mouth and then he sprayed some bitter powder into my throat. Immediately my tonsils were soothed, and I could swallow again. This man seemed to be a sensei.
A sensei was a Chinese physician who practiced Traditional Chinese Medicine. Here in Singapore we call it TCM. Whenever I was ill, Por Por would bring me to a TCM sensei and chitchat. Then he would give her some packet of herbs to bring home for Ma Jie to boil them in soup to let me drink. Usually they worked. I was not a sickly child.
On the contrary my mother was. In later years she told me that some doctors told Ma Jie that she would not live beyond the age of three. The doctor was proved wrong. A nun at the French Convent she went to school also told my mother to cut her plait, which she promptly did.
The nun told her, “You have nice long hair, but the weight of it is pulling you down. Your hair is absorbing all of the nutrients that should go to your body.”
My mother was very proud of the two long plaits, which she had when young. She told me that she had lovely hair.
So, at a very young age my mother had decided on what kind of hairstyle she wanted for herself. She kept short hair, and I had not seen her with any other kind of style. She told her hairdresser how to cut her hair. I did that too and I was specific with my instructions; but that was when I became an adult. Now Por Por was still my hairdresser. I had a China doll hairstyle. Por Por cut my hair. She props me up on the round able and she sips it off little by little. Ma Jie would collect the remnants on the floor.
“Why do you have so much hair?” She said.
“Por Por cut two inches this time.”
I remembered the TCM man came to the house also on one other occasion. I was ill with an itch. My backside was itching every now and then and I was told to take off my panties and lie with my face down on the pillow. They found out that I had worms in my stomach. Again the TCM gave Por Por some ingredients to make soup.
My mother told me that she also had this experience of lying flat on the bed. She said that when she was very young, a fortune-teller came to the house to make a diagnosis. He took a look at my mother’s backside and promptly advised Kong Kong that the next child that would come along in the family would be a girl.
True enough Second Aunty arrived one year later. So that created unhappiness for Por Por, as when my mother was born there was already loss of face for her as since the baby was a female. In those days there was no ultra-sound so that the outcome of a pregnancy was always a mystery. That made life more exciting. Imagine that if you knew what was going to happen tomorrow for sure you wouldn’t want to continue with today. Maybe you would, but I won’t.
I loved the soup that the TCM man told Por Por to boil for me. It was bittersweet and simply delicious so that I was not upset with anybody whenever I was ill. There was also another advantage, which was that at that time I need not go to school. I didn’t hate the school. With school there was Michael. I was infatuated with Michael. He was big and strong. The teachers liked him in particular and later on I found out that his mother was the headmistress of St. Matthew’s Kindergarten. A rather dignified woman she was.
It was just that not going to school I could stay at home and roamed around the estate without someone watching over me all the time. In school during those hours I had to sit by the desk without food or drink until the bell rang. I saw that as going to prison but the proper way to call that place was a school and more accurately a kindergarten.
I had a lot of freedom.
Chapter 11
Por Por had four other children apart from my mother, so that my mother had a younger sister Second Aunty, followed by Third Uncle, Fourth Uncle and Fifth Uncle. In the story you would have found my relatives-in-law coming into the picture one at a time.
The Fifth Aunty married Fifth Uncle after all. Then there was Third Aunty. Third Aunty was Third Uncle’s wife. Third Aunty was very pretty. My Dad used to comment that she had an hour-glass figure. I didn’t know why he must use the word “hour-glass” to describe her shapely figure. An hour-glass is a funnel where sand drips from the uppercase to the lowercase. It took time for the exercise to be accomplished. My Dad always has a colourful way of describing things.
In later years I had come to adopt this habit too. My grandmother he called her “Mooncake”. My mother told me that it was an unusual nickname, but I knew that it derived from her Chinese name. No, Por Por did not have a nickname. People in that generation did not have Christian names. However, my Por Por was a Christian though.
Yes, Por Por was a fervent Christian. All of them were. At night I waited for Por Por, who in turn waited for Ma Jie to tell her if she was needed by Kung Kung. I remembered that Por Por always made me say a prayer before she put me to sleep. I couldn’t remember having my own bed. I slept with Por Por on a double bed all the while.
In Por Por’s dying years she told me that she prayed and asked God for a man who “did not smoke, did not drink and did not gamble” and He answered her prayer by matching making her with Kong Kong who was already in Singapore. Por Por came straight from China.
I was in primary one now. One day after lunch in the canteen I heard a commotion, and then later Ma Jie picked me up from school and I left the school altogether. It was later on that I found out that someone had died in the school. A student was found to have fell down from the railings of the school canteen, and he died on the spot. It seemed that my mother knew about it and wrote home to tell Por Por to take me out of the school, so before I realized it I was already in Nanyang Girls’ High School.
This first school that I attended was actually the Nan Hua School near River Valley Road, but I was there for only three days. So that in my entire resume I couldn’t put it as a school I attended since I did not graduate from the school during my PSLE. A PSLE was an examination that gave you the score to graduate at twelve.
Even though my mother was mentioned all the time my Dad was in charge. He did not write to Por Por but he was always at the background making decisions. Several people were in charge of my life, but I didn’t know who, was really behind it.
Chapter 12
He was a history teacher. He was the disciplinary master in a boy’s school. That was before he went to U.K.
There was also Fourth Aunty with Fourth Uncle. I couldn’t say for sure if this set of uncles and aunties appeared before or after my parents came back. But I could say with certainty that Second Aunty got married to Second Uncle in my parents’ absence. I was the flower girl and I had a picture to prove that.
Uncle Hansen also had a girlfriend called Aunty J. These two persons belonged to the other side, the green side. In later years I saw my mother’s side as the blue side and my Dad’s side as the green side. This was because when Kung Kung passed away I happened to be wearing a light blue top and a white skirt; and when my grandfather at Jalan Pari Kikis passed away I wore a dress with an oak green skirt. I liked to use colour to describe things.
But this way of distinguishing my family did not come about until I was an adult. I knew that my mind was sometimes pre-occupied with people dying. Perhaps it was because the depressed woman never appeared again, so that for a long time in my little mind, I thought that she was dead.
I was never brought to a funeral; neither did I need to attend a wake. I was hardly brought out for any function and even weddings came in few and far between. I could recall only once when I was sitting at a chair in a crowded restaurant when one of the relatives came up to poke at me, but I did not say a word, “Why is she so strange?” I heard her say.
“Her mother is overseas,” and then both persons walked away, as though the fact that my mother was overseas contributed to my behaviour. The restaurant was crowded, and guests were walking in and out. It was a Chinese restaurant situated in some parts of Chinatown. Don’t ask me for the name of the restaurant, I couldn’t remember.
There was the Great World City. It was an amusement park and there was also a movie theatre. I often went there to sit on the roller coaster. It was very scary, and I didn’t like it at all. I was encouraged to try at all the sets. I was always told to do things by the adults without being able to object to the activity. So long as someone said so I had to comply. Por Por was silent most of the time, preferring to allow her other children to be in charge. In any case, they were near the marrying age so that they were quite sensible already. I didn’t like the thrill of the roller coaster, preferring to ride on the horse or sat inside the bowl.
Like Por Por, I prayed too. Whenever I was inside the compound I would pray that no one took me on the roller coaster. It got more fervent when Third Uncle was around. He was the more adventurous sort, especially when Third Aunty was there. Fifth Uncle looked at me with a squint eye, so he did not travel on a roller coaster.
Further down the road we had the Chinese opera. But the troop stationed themselves there only during the seven-month of the Lunar New Year. The venue was actually called the Air View Towers. They did not charge you for their performances and so I found myself there very often. I walked there.
The group put up their tent on the open ground. I walked in and out of the place by myself, sometimes sitting in the front row, as I was too short to get a good view from the back seats. Whenever other adults moved in to patronize the show, I would have to change seats as I was being blocked. I didn’t consider the opera actresses ugly even though they had heavy make-up on. Every adult put on make-up except for Por Por and Ma Jie.
One of the plays enlightened me. It told of a woman having to kneel before a woman a General who fainted at once thus revealing the relationship of mother and son, a well- kept secret. In Chinese culture it seemed that if a mother knelt before her biological son he would feel giddy.
I was a sickly child and apart from asthma, I felt giddy very easily.
Chapter 13
Today the sun was strong, and Ma Jie brought the rattan tray with dried lemon outside to sun. She carried the tray downstairs and put it on the ground just before the drive-in to the car porch. The car porch only allowed for two cars. I loved the dried fruit just like the way I craved for the fermented bean curd. Sometimes I would pick up one piece of the lemon and ate it even before it was completely dried up in the sun.
Another regular outfit ….
“How come this lemon is here? I thought that it was on the other side?” One lemon was no different from the other. It was strange that Ma Jie would realize that I have tasted some of the lemon before she had dried them and kept them in a bottle. Whenever I stole one lemon I would rearrange the rest so that Ma Jie did not see the gap on the tray.
“Thou shall not steal.” God says in the sixth commandment. I learned the Bible in St. Matthews’s kindergarten. But then the lemon belonged to Por Por. Moreover, she put it outside. If she didn’t want me to eat it she should not have displayed it. I thought this was an invitation to treat. Neither of them scolded me on this. I saw the two of them talking about the missing lemons and I kept quiet sitting on the floor peeling my own fingernails. I was a little nervous.
Chapter 14
I always scored high marks in St. Mathews. Michael came in first and I was second. My mother knew and was very happy about it.
I was wanting to show the audience my prize ….
I was older now and still nobody told me how babies were born. Maybe I should have waited until my mother came back then asked her.
“Your Mami is coming back tomorrow, you can go to the airport and pick her up,” “Hooray!” I was pleased beyond description. My fringe had been long covering part of my face and I was very irritated by it. I promptly went to the dressing table in Por Por’s room and snipped part of my fringe so as to make it look more evenly straight.
I had not decided on what to wear for this piece of news was sprung on me suddenly. Ma Jie was promptly told to bathe me. In those days there were no heater and no shower. We simply turned on the tap to collect a full pail of water, and then we used a scoop to scoop it and pour it over our bodies, one scoop at a time. The water was cold it and it gave me a running nose.
Bathing was a very troublesome affair and I really hated it. And I also didn’t like Ma Jie scrubbing my body. She gave me a sponge to make lather and then she took over the sponge and proceeded to scrub my body. I loved making lather on the sponge. Usually it was Ma Jie who bathed me. I particularly disliked it when Por Por talked to Ma Jie when I was inside, and Ma Jie leaving the bathroom door ajar. I couldn’t order Ma Jie to close the door for I was a kid and I had no right to command the adults.
I was a very shy kid.
And so, I didn’t have many friends. The only friend I made was the child of a distant cousin and I have completely forgotten about her name and her relationship to me was as a relation.
With my Dad’s side of the family I had another dimension – the sea. I loved going to the sea. At the seaside, Uncle W put a mat on the beach and Cousin Kenko and I occupied most of the space. We brought along a pail, a spanner and some moulds. I was happy about the whole situation now. Going to the beach was a once a week affair for myself. I was always given a large can of “Kong Guan” biscuit to present to my Dad’s father my other Grandfather Ye Ye.
I was the first grandchild ….
Chapter 15
I finally saw her. She carried a red jacket on her arm and she smiled, and she came up to me and hugged me. I gave her a friendly smile in return. But I didn’t know who a mother was. It was correct that I was a very shy kid. I hid my feelings of uneasiness and I followed the adults to the car waiting at the airport. I couldn’t remember if anyone said,
“This is your Mami,” but I was certain that a third party introduced us to each other.
She handed the jacket to me and told me to hold it for her. I was very honoured to be given such a task. I took over and held the jacket gingerly. It was the first time I met my mother. I was quite happy for now I had a property of my own.
My mother brought me out after school ….
My Dad didn’t appear on the scene. I still could not remember as to whether Dad came back first, or was I told that he would come back at a later date. This was like a play and the characters walked in and out of the stage.
I was the lead actress.
We were still in 1967. I couldn’t recall the precise date when my mother returned. I checked into Number 3 with her. Number 3B was the upstairs and 3A was on the right-hand side downstairs. Number 3 we were left-hand side downstairs. Third Uncle lived there with his family.
By the way, that red jacket was cool and warm. Later on, I found out that the outer layer was made of silk and the inner was stuffed with feathers. She gave me a big hug, and then told me that I was allowed to carry it for her. That was the first hug I received in my entire life. At night she gave me the jacket to use as a blanket.
It was nice to have a mother.
On the first night after my mother came back, I could not fall asleep. I twisted and turned, and I started to ask myself why my Dad did not appear at the same time. Usually a father and a mother came as a pair. Like Ma Jie always said, “Your Papa Mama,”.
I missed Ma Jie. She was not here to give her regular commentary. I missed Por Por more.
Finally, my mother knocked on the door. This was supposed to be my new bedroom. She came in, and she saw that the room had my dress hung on it. This was the one that she sent from U.K. For administration purposes, I brought it out for her attention.
“Oh, I see,”
“Did you like it?” I kept quiet; I never had a chance to wear it. I had outgrown it.
There was also a blue star, which was also a gift from my mother too! The star was actually a musical box, so that when you twist the little hook at the bottom, music flowed out. It was “Silent Night”. I liked this Christmas song in particular, so I that I twisted the hook every night and listened to it until I was fully satisfied. But I couldn’t sing.
Chapter 16
I didn’t talk in the first place. I was a kid, so I could never join in the adult conversation. In any case, I never knew much about what they were talking about. Throughout my childhood days I was only concerned if the adults said anything bad about me. If they were happy about me, they would call me aside to take a few shots of me to send to my mother. As I was common property, no one would teach me what to do. But no one ever came to my rescue if I did wrong, either.
I was the most insignificant subject in the family. But I was also the most liked little girl.
“Don’t worry about Sumin,”
“She is so cute I think she looks more like her mother than her father.”
These were the comments that I heard regularly. I just ignored them for I was getting fed up with the reference to my parents without anyone paying proper attention to me.
Chapter 17
I had not grown up yet. We were still in the same year. But my Dad appeared now. He was a fatter version of Uncle Hansen. I spotted him queuing up at the airport at the arrival hall. He was holding a folded garment on his left arm which was dark grey and he also held a document in his hand.
“Is this Uncle Hansen?” I asked.
I thought that there was another version of Uncle Hansen. Since I didn’t know what parents were, I won’t know what uncles and aunties were too. Uncle Hansen didn’t come with us.
“No, this is your father,” the facilitator said.
I watched my Dad as he moved in the queue until after he came out of the arrival hall. I was afraid of this man. He was a stranger to me. I was very happy that I could see my Dad although all the while I had not painted a picture of our reunion. Neither did I do that with my mother.
He checked into Number 3 straight away.
Over the next few days, I found that my parents had quite a good rapport with each other. She would answer to the name, “Sow” and he ordered her around. I was just a bystander who watched in silence. I missed Por Por badly. I missed the fermented bean curd. It was mealtime again. Some food was brought to me and I had to eat downstairs. I felt alone. They ate and talked without reference to me, sometimes I wondered if they knew that I was around. I didn’t know what they were talking about most of the time. I sat there long enough, this time there was no Ma Jie there to give commentary. I did not know when I could leave the table. I still had some food left on my plate. Finally, I plucked up the courage to get up from my seat.
“Where are you going? You haven’t finished your food.” The man asked.
I did not know how to answer him. He spoke English, but I always spoke Cantonese with Ma Jie and Por Por. After a while I found out that they summarized Ma Jie, Por Por, Kong Kong, and all the other relatives the Third, Fourth and Fifth Uncle as “Upstairs”.
I was very upset with this tagging, but I didn’t know how to tell these two persons. I forgot that they were my parents. Could you tell your own parents how you felt? What were the things a child said to his father and mother? I tried to recall the conversations that went on in school regarding the other children with their parents, but I couldn’t find any.
Chapter 18
I thought that Aunty J did not go with Uncle Hansen to pick my Dad up from the airport. Uncle Hansen drove a black car. He liked it, and that was to be a point of contention between my Dad and he. My father liked white cars. He said that those who drove white cars were less likely to meet with an accident.
“At night the colour stands out, so even if the lights on the roads are dim, other cars can also see you if your car is white.”
For this reason, he insisted that my mother and myself wore white clothes whenever we went out at night. I hated white; it reminded me of a nurse in a hospital.
I might as well tell you now the other rule that related to cars. It came down like a commandment: Thou shall not sit in a car with the suffix “x”. A suffix is the alphabet that came with the car after all the numerals. Uncle Hansen drove a black “Ford”, but his car number didn’t come with an “x”.
My mother seemed to be able to get along well with Aunty J. I Past Story by thought that Aunty J was very beautiful. She kept long hair and the tip of her hair curled out like it was permed. Later on she told me that her hair was very inconvenient.
“I have to go to the hairdresser to wash my hair and get them to blow dry for me.”
“Why?” I ventured further.
“It is very dry and if you don’t blow them in place they are like wire.”
My mother too had natural curls, whereas mine was very straight and if I didn’t perm my hair it did not fall nicely. So that was one difference between my mother and myself. We were not very much alike. In fact, we were two different characters altogether.
I liked Aunty J not because she was much younger but because she was glamorous looking. I thought that Uncle Hansen liked her because of this too. He often slept with her sleeping on a mat on the floor by the side, with his bedroom door open. Uncle Hansen slept on his own single bed. Aunty J was my favourite aunty amongst Second Aunty, Third Aunty, Fourth Aunty and Fifty Aunty.
The one I liked least was Third Aunty.
Often, I saw her mother coming into the house and she sat on the dinning chair with one leg folded up on the other. It looked quite un-lady like. She did not speak to me. I had no objection to her except that she spoke very loudly. This Aunty kept short curly hair. Actually, she belonged to the grandma generation and I shouldn’t be calling her aunty. I was not too sure if she was still alive today.
I once thought that she was a mama-san. She smoked and that was how I arrived at that conclusion.
Chapter 19
I was sure that my mother asked herself whether she needed to go to U.K.
I spent my children education in two schools: St. Nicholas’s Girls’ School and Nanyang Girls’ High School. Nobody knew the real reason why I had to leave St. Nicholas. I was being terrified.
I did attend St Nicholas for a while ….
My classroom happened to be situated next to a spiral staircase leading upwards. A girl with a pair of deformed legs supported by a wooden frame walked passed the classroom at around the same time almost every day. She arrived just outside our classroom and then she took the spiral staircase up. When she walked her shoes made a loud sound. I could still remember her walking there every day. I was very afraid of her and her artificial legs.
I didn’t know why the handicapped girl scared me very badly so much so that I couldn’t concentrate on my studies. I was afraid of bumping into her. Sometimes at recess I would see her walking around the opposite side of the courtyard in the school. I tried to flee from her but there was one time that I confronted her even as I was trying to run away. I walked in the other direction and there she came too. I was very scared. She wasn’t diseased or anything, but her legs frightened me. I had no one to express my fear to.
My mother had come back by then, but I didn’t talk to her.
I was also being told to sell cards. The school would give each one of us twenty cards to sell and then after having collected the money to place them in an envelope and to record the donor’s name and the contribution. I had known no one. I had disowned all of my cousins. I was not even introduced to as Cousin Sumin to the ones born after 1967.
One day the opportunity came. I was to have been caught stealing sweets in the school. Both an Indonesian girl and I were brought to the principal’s office to face disciplinary action. I remembered sitting in the school office with the girl on my left.
“She told me to do it,” I said vehemently placing the culpability onto the girl.
“Is this a gang effort?” the disciplinary teacher continued with her question.
“Yes, she was the one,”
Again, I continued with her culpability.
Chapter 20
I wanted to get out of St. Nicholas Girls School but didn’t know how. I must have prayed. So, when the opportunity presented itself I grabbed it. I must leave the St Nicholas’ at all cost. The girl with the wooden legs was getting me crazy. And during the questioning I heard,
“If you are guilty of extortion you would have to leave school.” I immediately replied that I did, so that I could leave the school and go somewhere else.
“Are you the one who took money?” the principal asked.
“Yes,” again I said.
“Did she take money from you?” the principal pursued.
“Yes,”
“Are you the one who took money?” again I said yes.
“She took money from you or you took money from her?” the disciplinary teacher and the principal asked, pointing to the older girl.
“She told me to take money from other people.” I made out a prima facie case.
“Okay, let me talk to your mother.” Late in the evening my mother was waiting outside the room.
“Why did you do that?” the Indonesian girl looked at me.
“You don’t have to do that.” She looked me in the eye.
I looked back at her, I couldn’t explain. In my mind I had worked it all out already. Just say anything for you to get out of the school, you will never get the chance again.
My mother was around during the confrontation throughout. She was angry with the school principal for she told her to take me out of the school. I was already in Primary Three. It would have been a pity if I were to leave during mid-term.
“How could they do that?” My Dad was furious.
“This is the trouble with these missionary schools.”
“Whose idea was it to send her there?” Of course, it must have been my Por Por.
But in reality, no one knew. I couldn’t understand the adult language, so I couldn’t report to my father. I only remembered Ma Jie and Por Por discussing the incident in Nan Hua.
And so, they started a round of quarrel. My Dad was angry with my mother again. It seemed that she was not aware of the fact that I was being sent to a missionary school. St. Nicholas’ was the sister school of the Katong Convent. My mother was the alumnus of the Katong Convent. The St Nicholas’ was in town, but the Katong Convent was in Katong. Apart from the address the difference between the two schools was that you spoke English in the Katong Convent but in the St Nicholas’ Girls School, Mandarin.
Chapter 21
I came out of St. Nicholas”. Now I was in Nanyang Girls’ High School. Today was the first day of school. I put on my school uniform and was Past Story by unhappy that it’s didn’t look nice. It came in two pieces and the top did not fit properly.
It had got three holes, the words “Nan Yang” in Chinese was sewn onto it with red threads. The bottom half was a pleated white skirt and the pleats do not fall neatly. I didn’t like this uniform. But it was not important for the time. So long as I need not see the girl with the wooden legs again I was prepared for anything. Of course, I might find another girl with wooden legs in Nanyang. I was just afraid of anything that looked abnormal.
Communication from me to my parents was usually from me to my mother, my mother to my Dad, and vice versa. I never said things to my Dad directly. My Dad was the head of the unit. He was stern and he wore thick-rimmed glasses. Kong Kong wore glasses too, and so did Second Uncle, Third Uncle, Fourth Uncle and Fifth Uncle.
If Upstairs was number 3B my Kong Kong’s house, then number 3 at my Dad’s house should be Downstairs. My recollection of downstairs began when all the furniture was in place. As you entered, you were in a room, and then from the right you go into a long corridor where you were protected from thieves by a set of grills. The grills were white in colour. Once you reached the middle of the corridor, a large entrance led you to the heart of the house into a larger room with three doors. One door led to the dining room, one to the back room and one to my room. From my room you couldn’t go out except through the large room.
A large table sat in this large room. That was my mother’s worktable. My mother was a career woman, she worked most of the time. I was very proud of her, as she was a working woman, compared to my other classmates who were housewives. My mother was someone to brag about. I knew that my Dad was a lawyer straight away, as Ma Jie had told me before that he went overseas to study law.
Chapter 22
My Dad did not talk to me. My mother was the one that conveyed most of his messages.
“Ask her to bathe,”
“Ask her to eat,”
“Ask her to come here,” I didn’t know why my Dad could not say these things directly to me.
Why couldn’t he just said, “Ming, go and bathe,”?
He seemed to dislike me. I was very scared of him and very unhappy about having to be stuck with these two persons now. Upstairs was much more relaxed, and I had a lot more freedom. For one, there was silence sometimes whereas number 3 the two were always engaged in conversation. So, I had to be concentrating on what was happening. In Upstairs often Por Por watched television and during that time no one talked except for Ma Jie’s commentary. If Ma Jie was busy on the kitchen cooking dinner, no one actually noticed what I was doing.
No, all the time I was not doing what I was not supposed to be doing. No one told me what I should be doing in the first place. What did a kid at four or five do all the time? I was the eldest in the grandchildren so that I had no one to look to for comparison. That was sad.
“Ask her to come out,” the stern looking man shouted, and my mother looked for me and she told me.
“Your father wants to talk to you,” I was a little bit frightened. Why couldn’t he talk to me directly? Why did he have to go through a third party?
I went with my mother to see him.
Chapter 23
I was terrified of my Dad because he shouted. He got angry very often and when he was angry it was like being in a war zone. My mother never shouted back at him. Everything that my Dad said went. If my Dad wanted the apples to be cut into three pieces she would cut it into three. If my Dad wanted lights in the room she would turn on the switch. He sat in the television room and shouted,
“Sow! Pass me the remote control,”
And she ran out from the kitchen at the back of the house and rushed out to the television room and got the remote control next to the television and passed it to him. The item was just by his side, but he had to engage her services. My father had polio when he was very young. But that should not prevent him from getting up from his chair to pick up the remote control. His legs are symmetrical.
I was very upset at the way that my mother was being treated. I told myself when I grew older to ask my mother to leave. But I never told anyone about this. Unless I had a very close friend I could not tell anyone. Things like this never happened Upstairs.
Chapter 24
I was not allowed to watch television. Television was prohibited from me because I couldn’t help watching the Cantonese drama, which Por Por and I enjoyed so much. In those days there wasn’t any television series. Every screening came in a story and the story ended there.
I got to know Seow Fong Fong, Chan Bao Zhu, Jie Yin and the rest. And I admired them. I lived with them. They were as real as my parents were to me. At least at age four I knew what they looked like. I only knew my mother through her handwriting. I was not able to piece together her picture like the way the Police do it when they wanted to arrest a criminal on the run. But even if you drew a picture of my mother I would not be able to tell it was she for sure.
It was stressful. My parents started to engage a part-time servant. The part-time servant was allowed to watch television, but I was not. I felt discriminated against and alienated. Television was my source of entertainment as well as my current affairs. To me the script on television was real life.
I often asked, “does my Mami look like Chan Bao Zhu?”
“I think you look more like Chan Bao Zhu,” Ma Jie replied.
If Chan Bao Zhu got married on screen, I would be the Chan Bao Zhu who was married.
No, Upstairs was never unkind to me. They were simply indifferent to me.
Chapter 25
Since these two persons came back I hardly went upstairs again. Times I could visit Por Por was when I was joining them for meals. It was usually lunch. My mother was working and thus she was not free to cook lunch for me.
In fact, my mother was not free to cook dinner for me either. She was a career mother. I was not complaining about this, as it did not matter to me. Besides, I had no one to complain to. So long as I got my food it did not matter who cooked for me. But one day, Ma Jie gave me a Bento.
A bento was a lunch box. It was a Japanese word. You would find that Japanese seeped out in the story as I also spoke and wrote some Japanese. This was a third language I acquired after 1983. Basically, my life fell into four sections: between 1963 and 1967, between 1967 and 1983, and after 1994. 1994 is the year in which my daughter is born. But I didn’t want to talk about her now.
I loved my mother. But not more than my Dad. She was gentle, and she took charge of me. When she spoke to me there was a certain warmth about her which I didn’t get from anyone of the people upstairs before. “So, this is what a mother is like,” I told myself. I started attending Nanyang Girls’ High School. It was called a girls’ high school, but I was only in the primary school. I liked the school and was very grateful to my mother for taking me out of the previous school. This was only what a mother would do for you: taking children out of their predicament.
At home still in my school uniform ….
Chapter 26
I really didn’t like the uniform. I wanted to wear the pinafore that St. Nicholas’ designed. But I couldn’t go back to the school now. It was sad, but I remembered the girl with the pair of wooden legs. However, I didn’t see the other children anymore. I missed my classmates. They were students who did well and were the teacher’s favourite. At St. Nicholas’ the teachers showed favouritism to three girls and I was left out of the picture most of the time. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because it was only my grandmother who registered me in school. This time things in Nanyang were different. The teachers were nice to me.
I was quite happy to be transferred from St. Nicholas’ to Nanyang. Many people asked me why, but I just kept quiet. I didn’t know how to give them the reason. It was difficult to give a reason when there was a story behind it. I had no patience to elaborate. Besides how could I explain the admission of new evidence that I was extorting sweets from other younger school children at the principal’s office on the spur of the moment?
“Love me Nanyang Primary”. This was the new slogan nowadays for the school, but I didn’t love them. In fact, I didn’t love any of the old schools I went to. I have learnt to drop the past by now. After the effort of losing the impression of the depressed lady and seeing her back again, I became stronger. I learnt how to cut off my emotions relating to the St. Nicholas’, provided that others didn’t mention the school to me. I did not know that I have to confront my ex-primary school classmates again in 1977 when I joined the Junior College at seventeen.
It was easy to drop your past and move on.
At Nanyang I was the golden girl. My mother was working in the Ministry of Education as a Deputy Director. It wasn’t a high position but that showed that she had some connection. The teachers were nice to me. One time I was slow in handing out my homework as when it came to my turn I was not ready, the teacher pretended not to see. I needed to be pardoned for some misdemeanour. I needed someone to love me. I had been deprived of it. I never received a mother’s love for three long years. In fact, I never had a mother as far as I could remember. I was born without a mother and was given one only at the age of six.
I knew that I shouldn’t complain about this anymore, I was already fourteen having ascended into the secondary school now.
My best friend was Wei Ching. She was the daughter of a very wealthy Chinese family. Her mother followed her to school every day in a large Jaguar. I recalled the maroon colour of the Jaguar and the fact that they were one of the few families who have a driver. Her elder sister was also in the same school, but I much preferred to talk to Wei Ching. Wei Ching has a special sense of humour, which her elder sister didn’t have. I got along well with the family. Aunty Mrs Sun always invited me to sit in her car and followed them back to their house at Whitley Road.
That day the taxi drove past Whitley Road and I saw that it was unoccupied now. The grounds were forlorn and there was no car parked at the garage.
Chapter 27
Both Wei Ching and I were at the Girl Guides and we played truant. So, the fact was that I graduated from the Nanyang primary school. My results for the national examination the primary school leaving examination known as the PSLE were very good. The questions posed at the examination were unusual and I thought that it was meant for someone with a high IQ. I scored high marks and my Dad was satisfied.
Me as one of the girl guides ….
I knew by now that my parents liked me to do well in my studies. So, whenever there were any quarrels I would hide in my room on the pretext that I needed to study. In fact, it was the opposite. Whatever I read could not be absorbed as I was worried that it could turn nasty. Once or twice my Dad would walk into my room to confront me. Invariably I realized that it had something to do with Upstairs. One day my Dad came up to me and told me that Upstairs wanted to throw us the three of us out of St. Thomas Walk. I couldn’t believe my ears! All along I knew them to be relatives, by now a more distant relative. Soon after the relationship deteriorated to that of landlord and tenant.
I was very perturbed. In the day I went to school but in the afternoon, I sat in my bedroom also the study room wondering if I should go upstairs for my meals or to say hello. Should I turn my Dad’s enemy into my own enemy? If you asked me, I was not fond of them, I was just used to them. We spoke one common language, Cantonese.
Every day from then on, I wanted a bottom line whenever my parents spoke to each other. They were not particularly civil to each other. My mother always had something to say after my Dad. And my Dad always had something to say after my mother. I could not tell you who always ended the conversation, as there was no consistency to that.
I was just a kid who was hiding in my parents’ house. At that time, I started reading books like “The Diary of Ann Frank” and I imagined myself to be living in an attic. I had an expensive study table with a shelf underneath. And I used that as a shelter whenever I climbed in pulling my rotating chair close.
My father was the rich provider. He bought this table for me together with the rest of the items. Things started coming. Always good expensive things. When I was living upstairs, presents only come during Christmas and my birthday. What upset me was when one of the relative said, “Now Sumin, this is for you – your Christmas and birthday present together. Since it is so close to each other.” I felt short changed. But of course it was nice of them to buy me presents.
Chapter 28
I was having my piano lessons again today.
My piano teacher was just down the road. She lived at the opposite block the Air View Towers. Teacher sometimes gave me a ride to school since we were heading to the same school. I still remembered her name as Nan Hong. Nan Hong was the youngest in her family, and I went to her house to learn how to play the piano.
I dreaded the piano ….
I met her several years later and found her to be working at the Mitsu Bank. She was just as thin, but I couldn’t remember what she told me that day. I repeated it to my mother when I came home, and she promptly dismissed it. My mother had the habit of using me to interpret things but never bothered to explain them to me.
My teacher came from everyone else but she. And also, by watching her I learnt. I learnt by not following her example.
I hated piano. I liked music though. But I saw music as background noise. If you could sit down and listened to Mozart or Chopin without doing anything else, then you liked music. I liked music most when it was used as a background noise. Most of the time I had to do something else when music was being played.
Before I took my last examination at Grade Five, I was being taught by a Eurasian Lady who was much more mature and a little bit fat. She also lived nearby at a block of flats at the old house.
I had more than one piano teachers. Every round at the beginning of each academic year, my piano teachers taught me the three pieces that I needed for the external examiner to grade. So since I had Grade Five, I could play at least fifteen pieces of excerpts, and only limited to fifteen.
I was saying this because I wanted to tell you that piano lessons were my source of nightmares. At least more than once, I dreamt of myself having to go for my piano lessons without having prepared for it. I hated those dreams, I loathed those lessons. I had not touched a piano since I took my last exams in 1976. That was the same year I sat for my “O” Levels.
In order to stop all piano lessons, I threatened my mother, “If you make me sit for the piano exams again, I am going to chop off my fingers.” So, she relayed the message to my Dad, who gave permission to stop. Of course, I wouldn’t chop my fingers.
I was not an idiot.
Chapter 29
Behind the bungalow where the flats were situated, there was a slope that led you down to nowhere. At the end of the slope was a fence. That turned out to be a rubbish collection centre for all my old books and unwanted old clothes. No, just unwanted clothes. Some of them were brand new. Whenever I felt uncomfortable with any item that I owned, I quickly dragged them to the centre and dumped everything, about three feet down the slope and rushed back to Number 3 and shut the door so that no one saw me going there.
No one came to query me on that so that I knew that my dumping ground was safe.
“You shouldn’t do that,” someone might have said to me.
“No, I don’t want my properties to be discovered by my father,”
I said loudly to the little voice that told me that this was a waste and should not be done.
I had no obscene articles to throw; they were just some old books and some clothes that I didn’t want my parents to know that had once belonged to me. I didn’t know how many days they would lie there until someone picked them up. But I could be rest assured that once it was there my secret was safe with me.
My Dad was always shouting, “Tell her to change out of this at once,” to which my mother would just comply.
Sometimes she and I had to change clothes more than once before it would be approved by my Dad.
My Dad was not mad. He simply did not want to see us in certain clothes. He did have an idea of how I should dress: no black, not too low-cut and in plain colours. He also had a very good eye for shapes and designs so that he could tell you if that suits your body contour or not. And he hated long hair.
Come to think of it, I didn’t think that he was unreasonable at all. But most people found him so. I didn’t know why.
According to my mother, my Dad came back to Singapore first in September 1967 and she came back in October 1967. But in all of my life until now I still think that my Dad came back from London after my mother. Memory was playing tricks with me again. Let me walk you down memory lane again.
Behind the flat was the dumping ground ….
Chapter 30
In Nanyang secondary two I had a very close friend called Lin Xun Mei. She was a victim of polio. I felt very sorry for her, as I was also a victim of “irreconcilable differences” and belonged to the misfortunate. We got along well. I followed her to the bookshops at Bras Basah Road the Popular Book Store and I bought books with her and for her. In those days if you gave money away to your friends no one could charge you for bribery. I gave a lot of things away. I also paid for some of the meals I had with her. Basically, I was not a calculative person. I felt that friends were more important than relatives.
I started buying posters like “Friends are flowers in the Garden of Life”. In between I also gave an expensive stationary holder to another rich Indonesian girl by the name of Lim Kin Xian who came from the same class. She accepted it grace and used it faithfully. I didn’t think that I was trying to carry favour. It was just that being rich she had an air about her and that I liked beautiful things, including people.
As I said, my Dad was very successful in his career. Filial piety was being taught in Nanyang and my Dad proudly told his client friends that he sent his daughter to a Chinese school because of this reason. He also taught me to broadcast the fact that Chinese was my first language.
Throughout my life I was stopped from learning how to speak and write Malay. I found difficulty in learning Malay. I lived in Singapore a country surrounded by Muslim neighbours, yet whenever I wanted to activate my third language Japanese came out instead of Malay. My Japanese was strong even though I did not pass any paper. I taught myself Japanese. I polished it up when I was working with the Embassy of Japan.
Chapter 31
I didn’t know why my Dad disliked Lin Xun Mei so much. Lin Xun Mei had one leg shorter than the other. If I found the girl on wooden legs objectionable, then why did I make Lin Xun Mei my best friend? Only Sherlock Holms could answer that question. Perhaps Agatha Christie. Yes. They were my favourite books. I read Sherlock Holms from Chinese and Agatha Christie from English. I thought they didn’t have Agatha Christie in Chinese. These authors I knew that I did not have to wrap them up. My Dad was clever. One day he came up to me and told me that he knew what I was doing. It was strange, as though I were his enemy and I preventing him from spying on me.
But after Lin Xun Mei I was not afraid of handicapped persons anymore. In fact, I found out that my left leg was slightly longer than my right and maybe that was why I always preferred to use the taxi as a regular mode of transport.
Lin Xun Mei told me that my Dad did not treat me like a daughter at all. I got angry at her. But I continued to befriend her.
Having secured both my parents under one roof, now I didn’t care how babies came about anymore. These matters were left to God. In St. Matthews Kindergarten they taught me the Bible and that God was the overall in charge. Por Por taught me that prayers were important. She propped me up on the double bed and prayed with me every night until it was time for her to attend to Kong Kong. She slept on a single bed pushed against the wall and I slept on her double bed. Kong Kong was nowhere to be found.
Por Por was always very tense during night time after Kong Kong has come back from his Tiger Balm office, often depending on Ma Jie to interpret his mood. I remembered that Por Por always prayed for my parents. But only God could remember how she referred to them in our prayers. It was cruel to ask others to recall events where memory has failed them.
I could not tell you whether it was nicer with or without parents. The two of them were simply characters that were strangers that came into my life. The Chinese community where I learnt Mandarin from said that “Life is a stage and a play is like real life.” I fully agreed with that. I had confused my parents with characters in the Chinese Wayang. It took a while to realize that what I saw in the birth certificate was the truth.
After I went to live in Number 3, I also found out that Upstairs Por Por and Ma Jie referred to my parents’ house as Downstairs. And mind you, the Chinese has a way of putting people down. Instead of calling my parents as the two persons, Ma Jie changed the unit reference to the animal species and they were referred to leong zer ye. I didn’t think I heard Por Por objecting. It could also sometimes be used as a term of endearment.
It was difficult to interpret the adults’ frame of mind.
Chapter 32
They said that all school toilets were haunted. The school toilet in Nanyang was invariably dirty with no soap at the basin. I had my skirt soiled with blood during the months of my period as I often carried insufficient sanitary pads. This I had my mother to blame for. She was concentrating on her career all the time. I did not know what she thought I would become after I finished school. I wanted to be like Chen Chen and Lin Qing Xia although I knew that to be an ambition impossible to achieve. I was just an ugly duckling.
The dream to be an actress was conveyed to my mother and she promptly engaged an ex-student of hers to talk me out of it. Yes, you guessed correctly, my mother was a teacher before she joined the Ministry of Education. In fact, both my parents were school teachers.
Chapter 33
“Your father has a legendary temper.” Everyone who knew my Dad said this of him. He was fierce. And I was terrified of him. Whenever he was near the vicinity, all creatures big and small trembled.
My Dad was also a cameraman. He liked taking pictures, he liked to explore on IT matters. Well, so did I, which was unusual for a girl.
“Tonight, you record this program on TV,” he would assign tasks to me underlining one program from the television page in the Straits Times.
This was one way in which he tested whether I was paying attention. I told you that I lived from day to day. Sometimes I forgot.
“Did you record ‘The Bionic Man’ for me tonight?”
“No,” All hell broke loose.
“I forgot.”
The word “forgot” was not in my Dad’s vocabulary. Neither was “no idea.” I learnt to dislike some words. I too disliked people who told me that they forgot or that they had no idea. But I stopped short of asking, “since when do you have any idea?”
I have nothing to tell you about my paternal grandmother except that she had a very large mouth. Her teeth protruded a little outside and she was old. We were not indifferent to each other we were just relatives.
Why was I fonder of my father’s side of the family?
I saw them less often and they were closer to me in character. They spoke English and no other languages. I could speak both English and Cantonese. But I could not speak Malay.
As I could not understand English very well, whenever my parents referred to someone as “she” I would think that they, were talking bad about me, that drove me to a spot. I either continue to stand there until I determined who “she” was, or I move away to my study to hide. Once I was in my bedroom studying they won’t come in.
But I was not my father’s wife nor my mother’s husband. There was no way in which I could divorce them. But why were these two persons talking about me all the time?
Chapter 34
At this time in 1974 when Lin Xun Mei came into the picture I could speak Chinese very well. I read books written by a Taiwanese author Qiong Yeow and I lived in her world. You have guessed correctly that she wrote the books I have thrown away at my favourite dumping ground. They were romantic books with romantic covers. I used my discretion as to which books to throw and which to keep. I read her books more than once.
Slowly I learnt to wrap the books with gift-wrapping papers. I started to patronize stationary shops and in particular one at corner at Robinsons’ the ‘Kalms’ Shop. This wrapping chore was done so that I need not throw the books away. Otherwise I would have to buy a new copy if I wanted to read it again. Lin Xun Mei started to ask me why I bought the same books. As you know, she went to the Popular Bookshop with me. It was also an answer difficult to give because of the story behind it. How was I going to explain that my parents could not understand Chinese and that they judged my reading material by its’ cover?
I too learnt to judge friends and family by its cover. If someone dressed in black and as I did not like the colour I would refrain from speaking to him or her. I had acquired my Dad’s theory and logic. But what was his logic?
In deciding whether to throw the books or to keep them I looked at the cover without considering its content. I knew that my parents could not read Chinese, so it was no use showing them the inside and explaining that they were harmless. Qiong Yeow was no obscene material she was just a romantic writer just like Mills and Boons. Her story consisted mainly of unrequited love with Taiwan as the backdrop. At that time, I could not tell the difference between China and Taiwan yet.
I distinguished them only in 2001 when I was given a green passport and a maroon passport to process at the Embassy of Japan. My colleague marvelled at my ignorance. I jumped at the chance to criticize my parents. They were always hogging the Straits Times. How would I get a chance to know any current affairs?
Chapter 35
Nonetheless life carried on. I couldn’t tell you with precise accuracy when I stopped going upstairs. But I could tell you when my Dad decided that it must come to a stop. One day after some quarrel between the two of them, my Dad chauffeured me out of the front door at Number 3 and told me that if I continued to go upstairs then didn’t come into the front door anymore. I stood outside the painted white door, tears running down my face.
My mother came up to hug me and shouted at my Dad, “How can you do this to her?” But in the end after some discussion my Dad let me in and closed the door behind me and locked the gate at the same time. I was not angry with my Dad about that for subsequently I found out that Upstairs wanted me and my parents out of Number 3.
The trouble was that I hardly understood what my parents were saying to each other all the time, and that was why I only got one side of the story so that I often thought that my parents were on the same side against me.
I was merely guessing all the time.
Chapter 36
Tonight, after dinner I took my parents’ side. Why was it after dinner? No reason. Just that during dinner the two of them talked to each other and I often came to some conclusion on their discussion without knowing the contents. Any maid hired during the time was my confidante. She played with me and listened to the complaints I had with other school children and I told her who was my favourite actress. The leading man had progressed now from Jie Yin to David Chiang.
This Saturday afternoon my mother brought me to see David Chiang. God, he lost his arm. Tse Yin was Por Por’s boyfriend whereas David Chiang was mine. With your mother around you could claim some things. A boyfriend not in the least.
That was the first movie I ever saw. I had no comparison to make. I had a few cousins by then, but they didn’t talk to me as my parents had already quarrelled with my mother’s side of the siblings. I had few classmates whom I could talk to as I had many facts, which was too difficult to explain in plain simple Chinese unless I translated the entire event from English into Chinese to make out a case.
Why did you like to talk to me?
That was why I liked watching movies. The title of David Chiang’s movie was “Revenge”. It showed of how, despite the fact that his arm had been chopped off by his enemy, David Chiang could use the only other useful arm to take revenge. I saw how courageous David was and because of my Chinese upbringing, was able to tell my mother that David was not using his Chinese name at all. I couldn’t recall now if his right or left arm was missing.
My Dad was very pleased that I enjoyed the show.
I continued with my Chinese education and my Dad had more and more Chinese client.
Chapter 37
Although Fourth Aunty was the daughter of a very rich man, I knew him not. I was never in the Chinese community. Certain tycoons were ignorant to me. I was all along trying to find out ways and means to outwit my clever Dad. So, I might have been rude to Fourth Aunty. As far as I was concerned, I judged my Aunties on how pretty they were. Fourth Aunty was also pretty. My measure on my Uncles was how good-looking they were.
I grew up watching people moving in and out of a movie box. Money was never the criterion for deciding on whether I should befriend you.
You might think that I was rich, but I wasn’t. Until then I was given only two ten-dollar bills for going to school. It was insufficient for buying the extra Chin Chow and the packet of Mo Fa Guo from the school canteen. So, I started stealing. I started with the coins I could see lying on top of the shelf in the large hall outside my bedroom.
On the fourth attempt my Dad spotted me. He shouted at my mother and confronted her. My mother of course knew nothing about it. She defended me. They quarrelled again. But this time I pardoned them, as I knew that I was the catalyst. I waited for war to end. Finally, my Dad told me, “Be careful it is okay if it were us, you do that to other people they will report you to the Police.” That stopped me from stealing.
To prevent me from committing the crime again, my Dad started giving me money, large amounts in cash to facilitate spending. And they were always in red, ten-dollar bills. He was a good teacher and a good father too. Whenever he brought me and my mother out for dinner at night, he would ask a few questions to test me, and if my answer were satisfactory, he would quietly hand me down some red notes. Finally, I became so rich that at the university level even before I could graduate from Law 4, I was able to buy clothes that cost two hundred dollars per piece.
Nobody knew how I got that much money. They tried to find out if my Dad was corrupt. He wasn’t. It was just that I did not know how to save money. Spending became my habit. I became very uncomfortable in a working environment. I prospered in retail environment.
Chapter 38
Since we started quarrelling with Upstairs, living at St. Thomas Walk was not always pleasant. Our house was located on the side which faced the main road and you had to walk round our house before you could go to the block of flats at the back. So, whenever Por Por wanted to speak to any of her tenants she had to come around. Most of these times I was studying in the large common room. I could always hear what Por Por said to Ma Jie from the garden to upstairs where Ma Jie sun dry her clothes.
By this time at age twelve I was sufficiently instigated to treat my earlier relatives as enemies. Whatever I heard Por Por said I would report to my mother, who would in turn report to my Dad. I was sure that my mother’s side of the family was surprised at the speed with which I was bought over. It was not too difficult since Upstairs had become the landlord.
They never did look into my schoolwork. Por Por was educated she could read and write Chinese but apart from the colour pencil incident she never looked into my school bag again. In the meantime, my mother had taken over my schoolwork completely. Apart from teaching me she also taught in the Singapore Chinese Girls’ School. I was a student in Nanyang Girls’ High School. I was neither happy nor unhappy. But I found that it was so good to have parents. It was like a present from God.
Most people took their parents for granted.
At the time whenever we quarrelled or when there was a major event coming up which neither one of us could afford to be unhappy, my Dad would check my mother and me into a local hotel for a few night’s stay. It was strange as we were Singaporeans living in Singapore. But you couldn’t stop us from doing it, there was nothing illegal about it. It created the impression to Upstairs that we were out of town.
Chapter 39
I particularly liked the Shangri-La Hotel. It had a large ground and it was a five-star hotel. My father was the legal adviser to the owners of the hotel. He was doing very well in his legal career. I was not doing so well in Law School. During this period my Dad came home after work and brought my mother and I out for dinner. He never taught me any law, my colleagues in law school did.
I had a lot of designer clothes to get by. And by which time my vocabulary was sufficiently good enough to understand fifty percent of my parents’ conversation. I could tell when the subject matter was harmless to me and that my parents were not talking about me all the time. They were better caregivers than the Upstairs.
Now that these two persons had assumed the role of parents they began telling me what to do. They began to set rules for me. I listened but I resented it very much. There were no rules when I was living upstairs. I could do what I wanted. The first rule was that I should not talk to Upstairs. The second was that I was not supposed to have any boyfriends.
Chapter 40
I had also wanted to do accountancy in the university. I applied and I was accepted. Accountancy would have been less taxing for my Chinese educated brains. Law was language.
That evening my mother came into my bedroom and sat with me. After the conversation I wrote to the Registrar of the University of Singapore and I changed my choice of accountancy to law.
In my second year they amalgamated the University of Singapore with the Nanyang University to become the National University of Singapore. During those times you could still draw a distinction between the English speaking and the Chinese speaking in Singapore. Many of my Chinese educated friends were unhappy about this.
In law school most of the time I spent trying to fit into the English speaking society where the ACS and the SCGS student dominated. I distracted myself by turning my priority into how I could look for the day. The English educated had a flair for dressing and did not look “Ah Lian” like me.
Most of the time during lessons I would think of when I would be released from class so that I could go to the Arts canteen stall to eat Char Kway Teow. The stall holder who fried the dish already knew that I wanted it with lots of chillies.
I suffered tremendously. I could not fit into the conversation and was slow in catching the topic of conversation. I was unable to form any permanent relationships. Zaird was the only long lasting one which I carried over from junior college into law school and the link was broken just before I sat for my finals in law 4.
Zaird had applied and was accepted into a university in New Zealand. In those days going overseas was tantamount to a goodbye as there was no handphone no Skype.
I operated in three worlds then, none of which approved of the other if it was aware of its existence; one in law school, one with Zaird, and the other with my parents at home. At that time I had already severed all of my ties with my ex-Chinese classmates.
All the time all I could think of was how to secure the law degree which was getting slightly easier after each year. The fact was that I did not know what the people in law school were talking about all the time. At any one time I could only grasp about twenty percent of the conversation.
Today at 11 o’clock I think I was early. I arrived at the law library and I was happy that I found my usual cubicle vacant. If I were a little later someone else might have taken this corner. Temperature there was low and is cold. I decided to go to the reference section and borrow some books then come back.
I borrowed the books and I went straight to the room where two photocopying machines stood. Faithfully I copied from page 1124 to 1145. Once done I considered having read its contents and I returned the book. The photocopied pages I told myself I would read it later. I never did as I couldn’t understand it, or fast enough.
I usually went to the canteen alone and I had only one dish on my menu – char kuay teow. The hawker knew by now that it was dark with lots of chillies. My brains got the rest it needed badly.
Perhaps it was the designer clothes, bags and shoes that I was wearing that made my classmates think that I was flaunting. But the truth of the matter was, that I needed my external appearance to spruce myself up. In reality I felt lousy about my poor English. Often I asked stupid questions to get into the topic of conversation. And once I asked, my classmates knew that I wasn’t following them.
But I had my own tailor a pair of sisters who operated a shop by the name of “Grace” at the bottom of Mt Elizabeth just behind Lucky Plaza and there I designed my own clothes. I spent part of my brain cells on fashion in order to relax. Of course my hobby cost me a fortune.
During the regular once a year gathering of my Nanyang secondary classmates I attended I always sat in and listened. I could not participate as I had left them and gone into the English side. Stuck in between I could not move to the English side, neither could I walk backwards into the past.
In the seventies the English speaking were regarded as the upper strata of the society. And if you didn’t speak Chinese you have something to be proud of. Of course many people speak Chinese nowadays. At that time my mind was speaking in Chinese, operating in a Chinese world in the English society. All the while I was trying to integrate my Chinese brains into the English environment, which could not be accomplished unless I think in English as well. The trouble was that I didn’t know when I think in English and when I think in Chinese. How could you ever tell?
Chapter 41
At this time, I already knew Zaird. Zaird was an English educated boy, he spoke English with a Singaporean slang. I liked it very much. We would sit in the forum of the Hwa Chong Junior College and did our homework together. I had a calculator a very expensive one that my mother bought for me and I used it to study Mathematics. All the worldly possessions I had was bought for by my mother which was paid for by my Dad.
My parents were pleasant company. They always joked and laughed with other people around. They have one very close friend, namely the Seows. Whenever the Seows were in town my parents would not fail to meet up with them. They were good people and the friendship were formed when they were in the university in London with my parents. I didn’t know what they did together. This information was not available.
All I was told was that my mother met Aunty Seow when she was going down the staircase as Aunty Seow was coming up the staircase. At that time Aunty Seow was pregnant with her daughter. The Seows subsequently came back to Singapore for holiday and gave a birthday party for the girl her daughter. She was four when I was eight.
Birthday girl was my parents’ best friend’s daughter ….
Dad liked her. Alexandra was a normal healthy Chinese British girl who spoke exactly like a Briton. Sometimes seeing the both of them together I always felt that my Dad would prefer her as his daughter. I was always jealous of Alexandra even though she was Uncle Seow’s daughter. My Dad has this cultural gap with me and he often treated me like some strange creature. That was natural of him. Whenever I thought and spoke in Chinese I shut my parents out of my world.
I love my parents. There was nothing wrong with my parents. All children love their parents and people in general love their parents. And they loved their siblings too. However, I have no siblings to love. In deciding whether to have another child I remembered that my father asked me for my consent. I recalled one afternoon at the St. Thomas Walk house by the bay window my Dad and my mother asked me what I thought of having another sister or brother. And I said, “No problem, so long as you leave me all of your money to me as inheritance.” This answer I learnt from Por Por – hold on to the money.
Later on, I realized that having a sibling was a good thing after all. A brother or sister can dance with you, she could be your alibi and he could be your confidant. This was what I missed most in life. However, if he failed to be your best friend he might turn out to be your best enemy. I was not angry with my parents for not producing a sibling for me. These presents came from heaven, you could only ask God for them. In subsequent years my Dad tried to find siblings for me but failed miserably. Everyone had his own family, and everyone loved their own parents. But my Dad later married another woman by the name of Maybelline, in the vain hope that she could become my surrogate sister. My mother of course agreed. Anything that was good for myself and my Dad she would agree. She was all self-sacrifice.
Chapter 42
Little did we know that Maybelline had her own agenda. She wanted her own family with my father. Her plan was to out manoeuvre my mother and myself thus becoming the sole subject of my father’s affection. “This cannot do,” my father said to himself.
One day in the middle of a quarrel he saw her holding a fish in her hand and she killed the fish squeezing it tight in her palm.
“Such a wicked woman,” from then on, he refused to cohabit with her.
“What would make of my child if she has one?” I think that created a lot of tension between my Dad and herself.
Eventually they stopped talking to each other instead using the fridge door as a memo pad. They sent messages to each other by pasting post-me-pads under magnets on the fridge. This practice was related to Thatcher the office manager who worked for my Dad in his law film.
Throughout my Dad’s life there were not more than one woman who wanted to marry him. He is still alive today and I was sure there will still be some more. My Dad was fun with other people but not with my mother, for reasons best known to themselves, he hated my mother. I tried to dig into the past to determine why and I put it down to the fact that my mother was the one who suggested marriage.
She had a scholarship to go abroad but being reluctant to go too far she saw that getting married to my Dad was a better way out. Marriage had not occurred to my Dad then. To him he had other options, in particular a Queen’s scholar who specially flew herself back from London when she heard that he was getting married. At the material time he also had one other very attractive a Malay girlfriend.
My mother loved my Dad. Sometimes even more so towards me.
Chapter 43
But of course, I couldn’t ask my Dad to produce Maybelline now. According to my mother, since my father moved into Gallop with my mother he has stopped seeing her.
On 1988 the fifth of December my parents’ wedding anniversary they started sharing a house together. It was not strange to me. All of the years my father created the impression that they were living under one roof, so the fact that they were now physically living in the same house did not disturb me at all. Nobody was disturbed by this. We lived happily until 1994 when my daughter is born.
Throughout marriage I was unhappy. Daily I complained to my mother that I was married. In reality I was not prepared for marriage at all. Now that my daughter is born thus sealing my relationship with Zaird as man and wife my complaints became more bitter. No, Zaird and I were not married in church. I told you we had only twenty-four guests at the wedding dinner.
Chapter 44
My mother drove a Mercedes Benz with the number plate S7049U. I could remember the car number so well as that car picked me up daily from school and to tuition.
In my mind women do not work after marriage. When I had made plans to marry Zaird I shredded all correspondences with my earlier boyfriends including a piece of score and birthday cards issued by my best friend’s brother. I wanted to burn the bridges. But I did not succeed as I never crossed the bridge over to the other side. I was always looking for someone else. And I missed my classmates at the Law Faculty.
It was not easy to get married. I had to buy wedding clothes and I had to prepare for the wedding dinner. The guest list was short with an attendance of only twenty-four people including the bride and groom. By that time, I had already severed all ties with Upstairs so much so that not even Por Por was informed of the wedding.
Jalan Pari Kikis was in the East Coast and whenever my Dad drove me home from Uncle W’s house I would fall asleep in his car at the back seat. I still called it Uncle W’s house even though shortly later he and Aunty P were divorced. In 1977 I stopped talking to Cousin Kenko my first cousin who decided to call himself by his Christian name.
That was adolescence. Children do act in a strange way. Maybe I was doing a transfer of affection for that was the time I started to know Andy Aw who composed a music score for me. That score was hidden inside my drawer locked up until I married.
Chapter 45
I had other boyfriends in Hwa Chong Junior College after I left Nanyang Girls’ High School. In Nanyang there were no boys so joining Hwa Chong Junior College was a cultural shock, as I had no male siblings. Boys immediately impressed me. My mind was still operating in Mandarin.
Which meant that the moment you engaged me, you were talking to a PC with Chinese settings and Chinese commands. My mind thought in English from time to time, like you were typing English in a Chinese software. I was trying to substitute the new boys with my cousin.
I had two other cousins from my Dad’s side.
Chapter 46
Por Por “Mooncake” always told me, “you must hold the money tight,” but I did not know what she was talking about. The message to me was that money was important, apart from good health and God. But the message did not register with me. I didn’t keep money; I liked to buy things for other people – “Friends are flowers in the garden of life.” Money could not buy love, neither could it buy you friendship, but a gift to your friend was one of the ways to say that you liked him.
I hardly had friends. I was told to study all the time, and indeed I studied all the time. “She is studying,” became a sacred activity so that the moment my father was home I rushed into my room and sat in front of my desk. Only God knew if I were absorbing the text on the school books laid in front of me.
Most of the time I was reading Qiong Yeow’s novels, by now I have had all of them wrapped up. My mother bought the other books in English when she went with me to MPH bookstore. She could buy English books for me whereas Chinese books only I could.
My father said that I brought myself up.
He was right. I sourced for my own reading material and I sourced for my own friends. I was perhaps the only student whose parents could not speak Chinese in the entire school of Nanyang. And I was very proud of the fact. But I was not a proud person. I liked particularly friends who came from lower-income families, as there were more people in that group and they are more unassuming. When you have to worry about whether your parents can afford to pay for your next meal you tended to ignore a remark made in gest and not meant to hurt. In any case I was in the same situation. My grandparents were going to evict us.
Finally, the law came into effect and Number 3, together with 3A and 3B and the entire block of flats were declared to be a pre-war house and so people living in that house could continue to enjoy paying a nominal rent without being evicted. At the time I was in secondary two. My parents wanted to transfer me to an English medium school.
By now you must have realized that I was a kid with a penchant for being alone. But I was not a sickly child. Apart from the fish bone incident I didn’t recall Por Por having to bring me to see a doctor. But when I came downstairs I started to fall ill easily. I suffered from a chronic condition called hay fever. Whenever I detected pollen in the air, my nose started to run. It ran also when there was a change in temperature. I am only free of a running nose when I was in cold dry climate with low humidity.
Always having this wretched running nose ….
Chapter 47
Today Lin Xun Mei was buying Nasi Lemak for me again. She had to pass by a market when on her way to school and she bought ten packets of the delicacy for all of us at once. The teacher detected the smell of food whilst I ate the Muslim dish, and I threw the banana leaf wrapping under top of my table. The school had a desk where you opened the top like a flap and then you could place your belongings inside. The teacher noticed the smell and came to my desk. She got a shock when she saw the amount of tissue paper underneath. She almost fainted and she screamed, “What is all this tissue paper? Throw all of it at once.” The issue of the Nasi Lemak never came back again. Lin Xun Mei continued to buy it for us.
Lin Xun Mei was my best friend from primary school to 1976. In 1975 at secondary three we did a reshuffle. The brighter children in all of the classes in secondary two went on to two of the classes in secondary three. At secondary three I found a new friend Sin Hoon Yen. I met Sin Hoon Yen again in 1994 when she was pregnant with a son. She married and went to Taiwan.
If being ill was bad for me I did not find it so. Being ill meant that I did not have to go to school to confront my peers. But in 1976 towards the end of the year I was deselected from playing the lead role in the musical play, which my class had to put up for the school leaving examinations. I was at first selected to play the lead role as “Mary” in “The Green Green Grass of Home” but when it came to the practice I was ill on one occasion, so they took me out and put Chen Wui Min in. No, I did not dislike Chen Wui Min. I was very upset, and I lost my temper on my mother. She did not know why but she left me alone without pressing me for an answer.
Class performance in secondary three ….
If I could express myself I was not vocal with my family. After all I didn’t discover them until 1967 when I was six. If you asked me how old I was when I did my “O” Levels I could tell you that my mother did it with me. Nowadays in Singapore mothers sat for the “O” Levels examination together with their children. I also sat for the “O” Levels examination as though I were a pupil in the English medium of instruction. I have two “O” Levels certificates.
At the “A” Levels the two years in Junior College I had no more female friends. In the co-education environment I decided to make the boys from the other secondary school as friends. I never knew anyone with double Chinese words as surname before. I spent a lot of time with Andy Aw. I met him once a week at Watten Estate and we talked whilst walking the estate in circles until we were satisfied. We were an unusual couple as he was wearing grey and I was wearing beige. We were both in school uniform. At seventeen and eighteen if you wore grey uniform you were studying in the National Junior College. There was only one other third junior college with the blue uniform, which students in the Catholic Junior College were wearing.
Chapter 48
I was living near Watten Estate now. But I have no recollection of the past. What I did with Andy Aw and what Andy Aw said to me did not come to my mind. I was good at dropping my past. All I remembered was that I went in the rain to meet with him at the Watten Estate, as I wanted to keep my promise. I was wearing a new pair of Hush Puppies my mother bought for me and it got soaking wet.
Chapter 49
I liked coffee with condensed milk and whenever I was short of it I substituted fresh milk for it. But I also suffered from another condition called allergy. Too many dairy products gave me the allergy for hay fever. I avoided the milk the yoghurt all the ingredients for causing a running nose. I was a sickly child and my mother was slowly discovering it. If she was annoyed by it, she did not show it.
She brought me to one doctor down the road at the Killiney Road where the doctor wanted to give me an injection. I flatly refused. My mother coaxed me into it, so the doctor had to give me the injection himself. He was most displeased. The doctor was good looking.
I was now graduating from Nanyang Girl’s High School and I took with me several kinds of certificates, which proved that I obtained second and third places in the oratorical contests in the secondary school. I was good at making speeches in public. The prize was the certificate they issued. I did not get any sweets out of it.
Chapter 50
Today I got a chance to meet with Mr Tan Wen See’s three daughters in secondary school. Mr Tan’s wife was glamorous. She had a younger son, and the eldest of whom was an adopted child. They were wealthy and I was often invited to go to their house after school to study with them. One of the things I learnt from her was that I should not add rice onto the bowl before it was empty. They knew quite a lot of Chinese habits which my mother did not teach me. Maybe she wanted me to learn from others. The rice bowl ought to be filled again before it was empty.
I had no preference as to which of the sisters I liked best. They were rich men’s children, my parents were working class people.
Chapter 51
I went overseas for a holiday for a second time in 1977. My mother got a sabbatical to go from the Ministry of Education. My Dad was happy about it and paid for my trip. And so, my mother and I went away happily.
We were very excited about it. It was my first year in junior college the Hwa Chong Junior College. I was the fourth batch.
I also started exploring on makeup during the time. Vanity made me looked for clothes and make-up regularly. I had plenty of trial products. Unused lipsticks and eye-shadows filled my drawers and I also used the foundation to blot my face before I applied the powder. I also used blusher to highlight. Basically I was using every product the make-up artist could invent on my face. I never thought that I was pretty enough. I told you, my idol was Seow Fong Fong. No, I never used my mother as a model. I never thought of her as being pretty. She was just my mother.
English was my second language and Economics could only be taught in English. I had a tutor Ma Lai to come to the house to teach me. So I passed and got an “A” for the subject. But I was very handicapped in the science subjects – Physics, Chemistry and I never took Biology. I had made up my mind then that Medicine was not my cup of tea.
So, my mother spoke to the college vice principal and she excused me from the sciene subjects, even though I was in the science stream CS7. All in all, I managed very well. They had General Paper the GP, a general knowledge subject. I did not read the newspapers so naturally I didn’t do so well then. I spent more time in school forum a courtyard within four pillars of the school.
I had not known Zaird then, before I left for the U.S., but I had a boyfriend at the time, who was studying in the NJC. After I came back from the states, I decided to have a final break off with him in December 1977 at a bus-stop just opposite my house in River Valley Road.
At Hwa Chong Junior College I was the only girl from the Chinese stream who mixed with a boy from the English stream. I was always doing the cross-cultural business. Zaird was the guy from the English Arts stream whom I fell in love with and eventually married.
Chapter 52
I blamed my mother for everything that went wrong in my life. Perhaps I should stop blaming my mother now. I never seriously thought about what I should study in the university, as I had never thought about which career I wanted to pursue. I was a kid who thrived on freedom. I lived in the Chinese story books that I bought, and I identified with the characters I saw on television. I knew that this might shock you – I watched “Pride and Prejudice” about twenty times, and I asked my mother why King Edward VIII would want to abandon his throne to marry Wallis Simpson another two hundred times. Yes, it was every girl’s dream to marry a Darcy. But there was also Jane and Charles Bingley, who weren’t doing so badly. I did not realise that in the end I played Lydia – the sister who ran off with George Wickham. Never in my contemplation did I think that I would marry off to New Zealand. It was a country that never crossed my mind. Australia maybe. Was I happy in New Zealand? I was neither happy nor unhappy. The weather was good, the people were friendly and the only stress that came was perhaps the lack of density.
Chapter 53
At twenty-four I wanted to get married. I was afraid that if I did not, I would be left on the shelf and ended up being an old maid. Of course now I realised that being unmarried was nothing to be fearful about. But at twenty-three I knew not better. I was allowed to keep my own birth certificate and so I was sure that my mother married at twenty-four. My Dad was much older.
And so twenty-four became my target date of completion. I became obsessed with the idea of marriage. I put the question to my mother. There was no boyfriend available yet. None was suitable as there was none, since my Dad laid down a rule that under no circumstances must I engage in courtship during the university days. But immediately after convocation my Dad pulled me aside and told me that the next project would be to find a husband and to get married. I was furious. In law school where boyfriends were easily assessable he prohibited me. Also I had a boyfriend Zaird and we had had to conceal our relationship to both our inconvenience.
I quickly put Zaird’s name down as a candidate for the project. So I have come to 1983.
And then 1984 came.
When Zaire came back from overseas holiday, he decided to marry me even though he had found someone in New Zealand. The girl was rather pretty and I guessed he was persuaded into marrying me by his father, since we have been together for seven years then. The thing was that he was applying for overseas study until he was ready to go. Who advised him to leave?
I love Zaird. He was not too tall, thin and wore no glasses and he was impressed with my proficiency in English. I spoke English whenever I was with him. I did not like the boys from the Chinese stream now because the minute I opened my mouth I had to speak Chinese. By then I had learnt to reject Mandarin as a spoken language. Zaird was a good listener and I had a lot to say about my parents and the way they managed things. They were an unusual couple and if I were not studying I was in their company. Their English were far too advanced for me and their topic of conversation was always the current news, which were completely remote to me. The Straits Times was always being turned from page to page so that I felt no inclination in going near it.
Zaird was my best friend. He had to go for national service and subsequently began his career as a pilot. Zaird and I went to the movies often. You named it, we saw all of the “Now Showing”. In the theatres we smooched but nothing came out of it.
Years later our daughter is born. I love her most. I abandoned all of my relatives including in-laws. I rejected each and every single person that came in the way of my daughter and I. Scientists calls it the post-natal depression, but my mother and I shortened it to “PND”. I was not depressed about my daughter being born at all. I was just depressed that I married Zaird. I felt completely tied down. During the time I breast-fed my daughter I had forgotten entirely that I needed her father to produce her. I was angry at the maids as well, as they were intruding into the air space that was shared so sacredly with my child. I never wanted another child. One was enough I was not a greedy mother.
My daughter is the cutest thing on earth. I love her so much and every day I went out to the shopping mall to look for things to carry on my life with her. I was no longer involved in Zaird’s affairs and in any case, I was never occupied with it. When we were childless he would bring friends home to show them how a good wife I was. Things of military interest such as books from the office were left on the coffee table without my even noticing. I was a housewife throughout my marriage with Zaird save for the one year when I worked at the Straits Times Press.
Chapter 54
One day whilst arranging my mother’s drawer I discovered that my parents were divorced when all the while I thought that Maybelline was my father’s mistress and cohabitating with my father. Her legal status as a lawful wife shocked me and hurt me very much. I saw with my own eyes for the first time that my father was to give my mother a thousand dollars every month as child maintenance.
In 1988 the fifth of December, my parents were reconciled once again as they moved into a very nice house the Gallop Park. “Gallop” was to be their pride and joy. When I was young, the moment I said “因为我是你的女儿” cheered my Dad up tremendously. I was grateful to my Dad for the education he gave me. In particularly the fact that I could read and write Chinese. In my spare time I took out the 唐诗三百首 and I memorized it. They were long and laborious but that took my mind off elsewhere. It was a self-healing process.
We were often put down, we often came across people who were rude to us. At the end of the day you must have something to come back to. My Dad had taught me always to carry a book with me around. He must have read a thousand books as he has a study full of biography and even fiction. His collection was so large that he had to engage one of his office clerks to come to Gallop to do an inventory. Banny appeared in 1997 when she came to his house to do a catalogue.
The dream to be an actress was conveyed to my mother and she promptly engaged an ex- student of hers to talk me out of it. Yes, you guessed correctly, my mother was a teacher before she joined the Ministry of Education. In fact, both my parents were school teachers. They started their romance when their schools were jointly playing the playwright William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet”.
Chapter 55
Law school was another picture.
Some words in the English dictionary I did not understand, and some crucial words prevented me from understanding the entire reading material.
Such was the word “unequivocal”. In Law One I could not understand what it meant. As a result, it prevented me from understanding the law of contract altogether, at the time. Also “non-examinable”, what did it mean? “Non-examinable” or “non-exempted”? I was thoroughly confused when I was in Law School. My mind was thinking in Chinese, but I spoke English. By Law Two I had offended several of my colleagues. I used one or two relationships to help me study better but that I had also offended them in the end. Every year when term began I had to change a new set of friends.
My lecturers in law school was kind to me. They knew that I was Chinese educated since I spoke and thought in Chinese. It was true that I formed friendships easily. I simply could not remember the last encounter. Most of my brain cells had gone into processing the answer to the question:
Do you love your parents?
And if so, which of your parent do you love more?
Maybe they should have come back together from London. My mother said that my Dad came back first in September 1967, and that she came back in October 1967, but I remembered her to be coming back first.
But Dad was always very kind to me.
Chapter 56
It was just pure chance. I didn’t think that my parents set out to destroy me or that they did not know how to bring me up. It was just that they were living their lives and mine happened to be side-by-side with them.
I never had siblings or cousins and as I result I have difficulty with parallel relationships. Why not? I only met them after my character had been formed and started going to schools. I was never taught to address my parents’ friends as “Uncles” and “Aunties”. The real uncles and aunties were enemies to be finished off.
I remembered my father telling me in his car on the way to Kirin Court for dinner “to take revenge for me when you grow up”. Now that my parents were old, I must try to be nicer to them. But the next issue arose:
Which of my parent shall die first? I asked the question as though I have a say in the matter. Fact was that I wanted to be nicer and to spend more of my time with the one who went first.
I saw my parents as A and B, not parents. I loved these two A and B. They were quiet funny people. In my more lucid moments I tried to make them understand me. I saw that any stranger could do a better job of understanding me than my parents. If you went to StarHub, the sales officer would know that you were buying a handphone thus the relationship of buyer and seller was established. If you picked up the phone and dialled one hundred the relationship was that of a caller and a hotline officer. Once you stepped into an eating-place you were a customer. And at a cinema you were a patron. I was still constantly trying to determine the relationship between parent and child.
After my daughter is born it became even more confusing. As I never left her out of sight I never could understand how my mother could leave me.
Chapter 57
Por Por gave me a crucifix at the time, after she heard that I was baptised at the Barker Road Methodist Church in 1996. After Kong Kong passed away in 1982 the Leongs made up with my parents more or less. The adults had better things to do in life and their children moved on for further studies and by that time my grandfather’s will was revealed for all to see. He gave his sons double than what he gave his daughters. In any case, little was left to me. I haven’t spoken to Upstairs for years. I did not even invite any one of them to my wedding ceremony. My mother did ask me and I said no, as it would disturb the state of equilibrium.
The process of severing my ties and moving on was my lifestyle. I couldn’t say that I liked it, but I don’t complain about the hardship. This was my life. I know that most people carry forward their relationships and any belongings that they have with them. Whereas I process, cut, and move on to a new dimension. But right now I was so alone, there was no longer any relationships to cut.
Chapter 58
One day I went to the wardrobe that Zaird shared with me. I found that some of his clothes were disappearing. I took no notice of it. Zaird had started to stay elsewhere before and at RELC my mother and I had gone there to persuade him to come home, and after some persuasion he did. He was very upset that I was constantly losing my temper. Since the day I came home from the hospital I even lost my temper on the maid. We got along like house on fire since she joined. But after my own daughter came I cared for her and no one else. Of course it was most unreasonable and a little extreme.
Finally Zaird emptied his wardrobe. He found a new girl and she became his emotional support. I in turn became more upset and my PND took on a new turn. Instead of being an enthusiastic mother I became a scorned woman. I love my child, there was nothing wrong with spending time with her. She looked so fragile and I was afraid that some other person holding her might accidentally drop her on the floor.
The period when I was pregnant with my daughter was the happiest time in my entire life. I was classified to be infertile and having a child was the greatest gift from God. During pregnancy I had slowly began shutting Zaird out of my life. We were married for eight years, and we lived with no one else apart from our neighbours in the estate together with our dogs.
Chapter 59
Many people gave their children what they could not and did not get from their parents. My parents left me to go abroad, my parents took me away from my grandmother. Not that they were wrong in doing that. Parents were always better caregivers than relatives. Upstairs was only my time keeper for until my parents returned. So, I made sure that I gave my daughter her grandparents, and I never left her out of my sight for five months. The moment my daughter cried I fed her. She became a very sound girl.
History can be changed by overriding it with a new set of events. And it is not incorrect to say that it is easier to forgive than to forget.
Chapter 1
I wake up to the sound of my handphone ringing. My ringtone is set to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. I look for Cooper my shaggy dog instantly. He is from New Zealand and has just turned three. As usual he is sound asleep. I know that if I wake him up because I couldn’t sleep it would annoy him, so I lie still.
This morning, I must follow Priscilla and Sebastian to the hill. It is something I dread. Afterwards they would pay for my expensive lunch, and I must deliver what they want. I have no means to eat at the Park Cameron for now. But what they really want from me I have no idea. They must have a hidden agenda. It is not just a long walk, but a strenuous one. I often get sore feet after the exercise, and my ligaments tear. If I continue with this form of torture, I believe I would get ankle dysfunction.
Priscilla is a very determined woman. If I don’t follow her to the hill, she would call me the next day to find out if I was sick. They, she, and her husband Sebastian, pick me up from the bus stop along Davis Road the main road outside my house. Sebastien drives a big black car.
There they are I spot them, and I move up to open the car door. I climb in.
“Hi, Priscilla,” I always greet her first, follow by, “Morning, Sebastian,” they acknowledge me and continue to drive on.
I lean back, after moving their large Pooh Bear to the side. I like soft toys. Several times I resist the temptation to ask Priscilla if she would let me know where to buy the toy from. I don’t think that they would be charitable enough to ask me if I wanted to take the toy home. Why would they want to part with such a nice puppet?
“How’s work?” Priscilla asks.
“Good,” follow by, “I feel bored on weekends, I prefer Mondays,” I reply.
They look at each other, unable to comprehend why I have said what I said.
“Hey! Too fast Sebastian!” “You are too close to the car on the right!” Priscilla yells.
I sit still without moving. I don’t want to be a back seat driver.
Later we arrive at the foot of the Peppermint Hill. I don’t know why it is called the Peppermint Hill. The name reminds me of its fragrance, and it wakes me up. I give a belated yawn. The coffee I had at home isn’t strong enough to wake me up completely. I look forward to the coffee at Park Cameron that Priscilla and Sebastian would bring me to after the walk.
Chapter 2
Priscilla opens the car, and she steps out with her Roger Vivier track shoes. I won’t call it track shoes as they are so designer. The diamond buckle stares at me, and I wish that I could own a similar pair. The 2-carat diamond ring on her finger matches the diamante on her shoes.
She wears a country club cap. White with the club logo right at the centre makes it hard not to believe that she is rich. Sebastian on the other hand is low key. He has a large navy round hat that is ill fitting. He adjusts his hat at regular intervals. I try to give him a smile, but he does not seem to notice.
I see Priscilla give him a nudge. He remembers. He takes out the water bottle, a large one, and he closes the car door. The door locks with a beep sound.
I prepare myself for the uphill task.
“Come on, let’s go, Angelina!” Priscilla cheers.
I take a deep breath, and I tell myself it would be over soon.
The first steps are always daunting. The problem is that each step is huge, wider than the typical staircase. We need to push ourselves forward before we could make it to the next. Sebastian walks behind. He waits for us to make each step before attempting his own. I believe that his stamina is better than ours, although he is as thin as a stick.
“Call me handsome,” that is his reply the first time I address him.
“Err, Mr Ng, Priscilla won’t object?” I speak.
“Ask her, she finds me handsome too, and that’s the way most people call me,” Sebastian turns to his wife.
“Ok, I will call you Mr H, H for handsome,” I give in.
“We had done ten,” Priscilla looks at me with satisfaction.
“Yes,” I respond, already tired. And this is just ten steps? We have another seventy-four to go. Omg!
You are right. There are eighty-four steps altogether. And the further you go, the tougher it gets. And there is no alternative path. Only one way. Up. You must reach the top before you come to the descend.
It is a no way-out situation.
Chapter 3
My relationship with Priscilla and Sebastian is also like that.
Priscilla Ng looks for me every Saturday. She rings me and reminds me that they would pick me up at the bus stop on Sunday at 9:30 a.m.
Often, I wait, and they are late. 9:30 a.m. means 10:00 a.m. sometimes 10:15 a.m. I sit at the bus stop, and each time a black car passes by I stand up, hoping that it is Sebastian’s car. But whenever it comes nearer, I could see that it isn’t his number plate. I sigh.
I don’t pray. This is not the right venue for me to pray. Praying for my friends to turn up on time seems to me to be a rather minor petition. God does not entertain trivialities. I just must be patient.
Ok! SKK8375B arrives. I see them. The car stops and I open the door and get in.
“Hello, Priscilla, morning Mr. H,” I greet them first. They are taking the trouble to bring me for exercise. I must be grateful. Indeed, I am.
Because Priscilla is wealthy, she speaks with an air of superiority. So, most of the time I try not to disagree with her. But there is no reason to, at the moment. As far as I could see, they are a nice couple and staunch Christians. Christians are generally kind and well meaning. Love thy neighbour – their popular teaching.
Yes, I am about to tell you where we go after the Peppermint Walk.
Chapter 4
“Ok, we are done for today. Let’s get a quick shower at the club and then we can proceed to the 12:00 p.m. service.” Priscilla exclaims as though we have done Mount Everest. Sebastian hands her the towel. I pretend not to notice.
Why do I always forget to bring the towel?
“Come, let’s get into the car quickly, looks like it’s going to rain,” Sebastian is practical.
“Thank God it didn’t rain just now,” Priscilla says as we settle down in the car.
“And the club has shelter,” she laments.
“Oh yeah, don’t forget to remind Mary to close the windows, she always forgets,” “you call her now,” Priscilla orders Sebastian all at once. Mary is their helper.
Within seconds, “Did you hear me?” she asks.
“Yes, yes,” Sebastian answers.
I get slightly apprehensive at this moment. I am afraid that they might break into an argument. This is not the first time that Sebastian is sullen.
And I couldn’t understand why he obliges Priscilla.
In the back seat, I couldn’t see the expression on their faces. I quickly throw in a question to dilute the atmosphere. It does look like the storm is coming. Inside the car.
“Err, Priscilla, would you like to sit at the front row or the second row this week?” tentatively I ask.
“Anywhere. So long as I can see the pastor’s face. I don’t like to be blocked,”
“Yes, ok, I try and get the front row.” I quickly promise.
Chapter 5
The club is not crowded. Sundays most people are either at the market or at the church. If not, they are probably still lying in bed. I rush out of the car to help Priscilla with her tote bag, and I follow her to the counter for her to show the club staff her membership card. If I am not accompanying her, I won’t be allowed in. I try my best to keep quiet. This is not my spot.
“You go change first, afterwards you wait here for Sebastian’s car,” “Get in the car first then I will come out,” Priscilla always gives several orders at the same time.
I am all obliging. If not because of this couple, I would never have a chance to mingle at a posh area like the Brown Turf Country Club. The community here belongs to the rich and famous. I am neither.
When Sebastian comes, I enter the car from the back. Sebastian offers, “You could sit in front if you like,”
“No, that’s Priscilla’s seat,” I reply.
“I don’t think she minds it at all, silly girl,” Sebastian gives me a wicked smile.
Strange hearing Sebastian calling me that. I keep quiet and then I pray silently that she would come soon. This is not a trivial petition.
“Look, there she is!” Sebastian says when the woman comes with a bright red top and a colourful flare skirt. I couldn’t help but think that she is too old for that. Yes, Priscilla is born in 1955, so she is sixty-two this year.
“Hi Priscilla, when is your birthday?” I ask.
“Not so soon, but if you want to know, it is Christmas Eve.”
“Christmas Eve!” I exclaim.
All the while Sebastian is looking straight ahead. His mind is on the steering wheel, and he is driving very slowly.
“Step on the accelerator, dear, you need to drive faster, we are getting late,” Priscilla orders again.
“We are not going anywhere with an appointment now.” Sebastian says.
I feel tense again, the two of them on the verge of an argument. Nonetheless, I sit still, as silent as a church mouse. In my mind, I am humming the music, “Uptown girl, she’s been living in an uptown world ….”
Chapter 6
The Blue Heaven Church is situated right in the middle of the Paddington Road. You would expect parishioners to drop by even on a weekday after their shopping spree. I often get the funny feeling that the owners of the nearby boutiques visit the church to get blessings for more customers.
We arrive. And we are late. Sebastian drops us at the entrance, and I rush out of the car, ahead of Priscilla. The church pews are mostly occupied by now. I walk, gingerly, right up to the front. The first few pews are usually vacant, as most parishioners does not like to be sitting right below the camera. There are CCTVs everywhere in case there are genuine pick pockets.
I find myself a seat amongst a group of young students. They look seventeen or eighteen to me. And then I move myself a little to the left to give some space for Priscilla when she turns up. I place my handbag on the right to signal to the student next to me that he ought to give way. Priscilla is my VIP as far as the session is concerned. If not because of she I won’t find myself here.
Almost immediately, I hear the deliberate and well-paced footsteps of Priscilla. I never miss those steps. Her pumps are usually a Salvatore Ferragamo. Otherwise, it would be a pair of Roger Vivier. Whichever, it is always a thin four-inch heel. I marvel at her being able to balance herself in that footwear.
I wave at the woman. She acknowledges as she walks down the aisle. Once she arrives, I move aside for her.
“Oh, you managed to get front seats. Good of you!” Priscilla sits down without forgetting to say thank you to the neighbours. My mission is accomplished, and I begin to pay attention to the pastor.
Pastor Lucas Ling is a grey-haired man with a benign smile. His delivery is always punctuated with a note of caution. I am told that he is legally trained, and perhaps that is why I quite enjoy his sermons. He is also rather good looking if I may say so. I do research and finds that pastors are allowed to get married and have his own family.
Priscilla nudges me. “Pay attention, Angelina!”
“I am!” I turn.
And then without further ado, Priscilla takes out her large bag, which now I could see is a cosmetic bag – inside is a mirror as you flip open and the box contains cosmetics of all sorts, from eye shadow, eye liner, rouge, powder, foundation, right up to lipsticks in several shades. I could have fainted. But instead of which I say, “Wow! What an assortment of makeup! Very nice!”
Upon which, she starts to take out one of the brushes inside and starts to apply make up on her face, using the prop up mirror as an aid. All done in full view of the parishioners.
Priscilla is my mentor, of course I don’t criticize her. If Pastor Lucas notices it he is not reacting.
I observe this and conclude that this is acceptable behaviour. I guess there are no church rules pertaining to the habit.
And then when it is time to sing the adoration songs, Priscilla closes the box. She stands up together with the rest of us, four-inches taller than me with her heals.
We have no idea where Sebastian has gone to.
Chapter 7
I have always loved cakes. Mother buys me strawberry shortcakes and I never waste a moment in relishing it. Moments later I would take a coffee to wash out the added calories so that it does not work against my body.
“Let’s go to the Park Cameron after this, shall we?” Priscilla is in a good mood this Sunday morning. Pastor Lucas Ling must have given her some ideas on how to invest her money during his sermon, although I don’t know how this could have happened.
Sebastian looks at me, waiting for my acquiesce.
“Sounds good,” I say.
“Then let’s go!” the dutiful husband says.
We get into the car and this time Sebastian suggests that Priscilla drives.
“No, dear, you drive better than me, you carry on,” Priscilla praises her man.
All this I watch and participate as a follower without any interest in the matter. I am just grateful that Priscilla does not suggest that I invest in one of her schemes.
Now in the car, Sebastian plays one of his Christian DVDs – “As the deer panteth for the water, So my soul longeth after Thee, ….”
It is the same song being played during the service. Haven’t they had enough of it?
At this point in time, I feel I owe it to tell you if I am a Christian. Yes, I generally believe in the existence of God …. but err …. no, I don’t think that the Christian God is superior to the Gods found in other religions. As I said before, God is omnipotent and omnipresent and could be found on all platforms.
But I treasure the friendship that Priscilla and Sebastian have to offer. Not to mention that I am getting fitter by the day from the Peppermint Walk.
Mother tells me that I have lost weight recently.
Chapter 8
My mother is a thin frail woman who found me this job at the Brown Woods. They pay me a monthly salary of two-thousand-eight hundred and I report to them every morning at 8:30 a.m. except Saturday and Sunday. I could leave my chair only at 6:00 p.m. Lunch I have to eat in, so that I could pick up phone calls for emergency.
The scope and nature of my work is not well defined. Basically, I do everything that I am told to do – from picking up the mails and delivering them to the respective desks, making coffee for the guests, compiling notes for the meeting, right down to making sure that the cleaners provide regular water refill for the office.
The only thing I am told not to do is to go into Mr. Sam’s office, not even when his door is open.
Mr. Sam is the regional head for this company. I am told that he is Chinese and rather good looking. He does not smile, and he would not greet you even if you chance on him at the lift lobby. I have not encountered him so far.
The only thing I hear of Mr. Sam is that he is a widow with a daughter. And that he is looking for a suitable son-in-law for his daughter right now. That means that Mr. Sam is about my age.
Chapter 9
No one in the office knows that I do the Peppermint Walk every Sunday, and no one knows that I go to church either. I don’t hang a cross on my neck and neither do I own a Bible. In fact, Priscilla has mentioned several times before that I should purchase one. I am not awfully short of cash, but it is not an essential book for a non-Christian. I still prefer the thrillers and suspense like “Call Me Mummy”. The Bible is far too profound for me.
I do not enjoy the hill walk. What I enjoy is the sense of accomplishment after the walk, and that is why I do that every week without fail. We are in our summer season now, and the sky hardly ever rains. So that there is no excuse to skip the walk.
This week, Priscilla is in long pants. Her clothes I could see is well tailored and most of the time I suspect it needs dry cleaning. I have never been to the dry cleaners before. Mother does not have curtains in our house.
I am always eager to learn new things and try out on new experiences. I know that one day I would be tired of the hill walk, and of Priscilla and Sebastian altogether. They are a happily married couple, and they could do very well without me. I know that they have children of their own, but they have never mentioned them either to me or in front of me.
Back to Priscilla. She wears a white loose-fitting shirt, with her long black pants and a pair of black Salvatore Ferragamo shoes she looks totally stunning. Oh yes, I did a check, it is called the viva bow shoes. Very iconic but not quite suitable for a church mouse like me. I am only there as a chaperon for the expensive high-class Priscilla.
But I bear no grudges against the lady. Why. She has never been rude or nasty towards me, and the only thing I don’t like about her is the way she seems to be ordering her husband about. Although I know that it is none of my business. I am only there from 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., that is provided it does not prolong into tea.
Afterwards, I would go home, and I continue with my humble existence.
Chapter 10
Most of my friends at this age are housewives either married or having children to attend to at this age.
I am working because I am divorced.
I have a son by the name of Jonathan. His Chinese name is Fei Kian, so I call him JKF. I have not seen his father Keith for almost seven years by now.
The salary I earn at Brown Woods are insufficient to cover my expenses on JKF’s childcare needs, as well as my basic expenditure. My initial savings I have spent it all on the legal fees for fighting custody. Keith tried to say that I was immoral and unfit to be a mother.
Chapter 11
By the way, I notice a booth at the church the other day. They call it a counselling corner and it seems to be set up haphazardly. Protestant churches don’t normally deal with confessions, and the booth being set up is a stand-alone cubicle at a faraway corner behind the piano. If you don’t pay enough attention, you would think that it is just a desk and two chairs for coffee.
So that I find a suitable time and come back again, on a weekday after my work. I want to know why Priscilla and Sebastian have chosen me to be their companion for the Peppermint Walk. For after all, they do have to make an effort to come and fetch me from the Davis Road, which is out of the way.
I find pastor Lucas Ling sitting at the booth, as though he knows that I am coming.
Pastor sees me approaching and he turns and lights a candle behind him.
I look at the flame, my mind a flutter.
“Let me begin, are you here to make enquiry on a lost soul, or are you here to seek forgiveness?”
“Neither, I want to read my friend’s heart,” I say.
“Why do you need to do that? If you have any queries, it best to address them yourself, this sounds rather insincere if I may say so,” Pastor Ling tells me.
“No, pastor, you don’t understand, I want to know why they befriend me,” I ask, this time more forcefully.
“Ok, then let me just pray for you, to ask the Almighty to give you the power of wisdom and discernment,” and then he places his hand on top of his Bible and starts to recite a few lines, presumably from the Book, ending with “Amen.” It is so smooth that I know that he must have said this to many parishioners.
With this, I am more than happy, so I thank the man with several thank yous and leave him.
Chapter 12
It is barely a week and I pick up a call from Priscilla.
“Listen, do you want to go out? I have a friend I want to introduce you to,” she sounds excited.
“Oh, what time?” I ask, I am not keen on meeting the couple more than once a week. I’d rather stay home and watch Jonathan play Lego.
“I come and pick you up in half an hours’ time, is it enough time for you to get ready?” the woman already has plans.
I look at mother and she urge me to go.
“The usual meeting place?” I ask.
“Yes, don’t be late, we can’t wait, otherwise we have to go for another big round,” Priscilla orders.
The car arrives with Priscilla driving alone.
I get in, and I ask, “Where’s Mr. H?”
“Oh, he has got a meeting,” the woman is ambiguous.
“Where are we meeting your friend?” I ask.
“Not at the church,” she says.
“Oh ok,” I trust Priscilla, she has no reason to do me harm.
We arrive at the Park Cameron. This hotel seems to be her favourite joint.
The man sitting at the far-right corner stands up to greet Priscilla the minute the waiter greets us.
I must say that my first impression of him is not particularly good. He resembles Keith. I follow the waiter to his table, and after pleasantries exchange between he and Priscilla, he smiles at me and says,
“How nice to meet you, Angelina,”
“Yes, thank you,” I don’t get what Priscilla addresses him as just now.
I take the seat opposite him and face the window.
“Would you like coffee or tea?” the man asks.
“Coffee,” I am still half asleep.
“Let me get straight to the point,” Priscilla begins,
“David and I have a job for you,”
“Oh,” I am more than surprised. I think that David is a marriage prospect. Immediately I look at his hand. No rings.
“I already have a job,” I say, and then I add, “At the Brown Woods, you know Brown Woods?” I don’t like job hopping. I still haven’t figured out how my boss Mr. Sam looks like.
“I can pay you more, how much are you getting now?” David asks.
“David is looking for bilingual talents like you, to do translation,” Priscilla recommends me.
“I am not very good at it,” I confess.
“No problem, can you leave immediately?” David asks.
“I need to give two weeks’ notice,” I say.
“Ok Angelina, you could send a text to this lady, and tell her that you will be meeting her at the airport to pick her up on Christmas Eve, her flight comes in at 12:15 a.m. From there, you are to check her in at the Pamela Suite at the Concerto Hotel.”
The man gives instructions all at one go with the number and name of the lady on a piece of paper, while Priscilla looks on.
“Is this my first assignment?” I ask innocently.
“Take this one step at a time,” David Lim said.
Without asking him who the recipient is, I type on my handphone and tap the send key.
“It’s settled then,” “Cheers!” Priscilla is happy.
They exchange glances and then Priscilla and he talk business. I sit there desperately trying to look interested.
I go home and ponder on what I do today, and then I know that I have made a commitment which I can’t back out from. Priscilla knows where to find me, and if I back out on the job offer from David, I will have to abandon the Peppermint Walk altogether, which is not something I can afford now.
Chapter 13
For every action there is a reaction.
Don’t tell me that the office has gotten wind of the fact that I have accepted an offer from another company.
The atmosphere is somber in Brown Woods as I step in. Everyone buries his head in the PC in front of them. I settle myself tentatively, as though it is my first day at work.
“Can I pick up my coffee first?” I ask Swee Kim so that she would answer my calls whilst I am away.
Swee Kim nods her head without looking up.
I am beginning to suspect that David has initiated steps to engage me by telling Brown Woods that he has interviewed me.
I get up, take my mug and I walk towards the coffee dispenser. I pull the lever, and thank God there was still some liquid left.
When I go back to my table, the admin head Josephine Tan is waiting for me. We call her Jot for Jo Tan and also because she has the habit of jotting down everything that we say on the spot.
“Here is a memo, you take it to the Philippine Embassy. I give you a copy as well. Don’t lose the original,” she says it in a hurry, as though she has a million more jobs to be done. I take over the paper, and I ask her,
“Do I have to go now?”
“Yes, it’s important and, yes, you have to go now immediately,”
“I have no time to talk to you now, just look at the memo,”
I take over the paper and stares at it –
“To Mr. Sam Wee:
You are hereby requested to come to this Embassy of The Philippines for an interview at 11:00 a.m. on 4 January 1999. Please bring along your identification paper(s) for verification. You may also nominate a proxy to attend on your behalf.
[Signed]”
The tone of the note is grave, and undoubtedly Mr. Sam is in trouble. I have not met Mr. Sam before, and this would be the chance to meet him, I dance at the opportunity.
“Sure!” I say it with glee, something good has happened to me.
“Do I need to apply for leave?” I ask Jot.
“Of course not, this is part of your duty,” and then she adds, “We will pay you extra, if need be,”
“Ok, I go now!” I say, picking up my bag and the cardigan I hang on the back of my chair.
“Report back to me when you come back,” Jot says, and then, “Don’t forget to get receipts to claim expenditure.”
My bag is a Gucci bag that day, and my shoes are plain a non-designer not too ostentatious for a consular meeting.
Thirty minutes later I arrive at 34Canberra Road. The building is old and needs a coat of paint badly. Two lamps stand at the front entrance on top of a large structure to mark the entry. There is a kiosk for the security, but I get the impression that he is too tired and went in to rest. The Philippine flag is flying right in the middle of the courtyard and the wind was particularly strong that day. I look up and couldn’t help making a short prayer, even though I don’t know what I am praying for.
I take a bold step further into the grounds. And then I see the words, “Consular Section”. Then I look at my watch to check if I am late for the appointment.
10:43 a.m. Thank God I am early.
I take my place amongst the group of mostly foreign visitors, and I make sure that I know where each counter is when my number is called.
Finally, I see my queue number being flashed on the screen – 687. I rush forward, to counter six.
“Can I help you?” The girl is most unenthusiastic.
“Err, yes, I have an appointment, on behalf of Mr. Sam Wee,” I say.
“My office sent me,” I volunteer.
“Show me the ticket,” woman says.
Obediently I give her my queue ticket.
“No, not this one, the other one,” she points at my memo.
I fumble for the copy and withhold the original.
“Where is the original?” she asks.
It is time to lie, “No, I didn’t bring the original,”
“Then why you come here?” I can see that she is getting annoyed.
“To see what I can do for Mr. Sam Wee …. Err …. to find out the purpose of you calling for the meeting,” I try to make out some logic.
“Ok, then let me tell you, his helper Ms. Lottie was found dead in a shopping centre, yesterday Sunday morning at around 10:45 a.m. We don’t suspect foul play now because she was alone. But we would like to know if it were a suicide,” the woman says it all in one go, as though she is delivering a report.
As she is talking, I have the chance to take a good look at her. She is very heavily made up, with several layers of eye shadow of blue, green, and brown, as though she couldn’t decide on which colour to use. Her lips are large, but I couldn’t decide if it she has overdrawn her lips with the lipstick. Nonetheless, I give her a rating of seven out of ten for good looks.
“I have not seen the police report,” I say.
“Ok, your office didn’t tell you, let me show it to you,” she says.
And then she passes me a piece of paper with the letterhead of the police force. There and then I decide to be honest with her. I fish out the original of the memo, and I say,
“Sorry I didn’t show it to you just now,”
“You could have done it earlier,” she looks visibly annoyed.
“Employment letter?” she asks.
“I am not Ms. Lottie,” I say.
“No, you are his office staff, right?” woman asks.
“Oh, that, I didn’t bring,” this time it is the truth.
“You don’t seem to be very well prepared,” she comments.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I was only told to come this morning,” I try to defend myself.
“Right,” “off you go,” she says, after confiscating my original memo.
“Hey! Wait! I need to bring it back!” I say loudly.
“690” the woman shouts.
A man comes up and moves me aside. I go away feeling wretched. Jot specifically tells me to keep the original.
Chapter 14
With a jittery heart I went back to the office. No one is there at the reception, so I just walk straight to my desk to put my bag and cardigan down. Afterwards I compose myself and go up to see Jot. Jot is on the second floor.
“Hi Jot, I am back!” I say, greeting her with a smile. This is to tell her that I have done my job.
“Oh, what did they say?” she seems disinterested.
“Err …., they took the original,” I say.
“Oh, that means that they don’t expect Sam to attend,” Jot doesn’t seem perturbed.
“I made them acknowledge receipt on my copy,” I am a careful worker.
“Ok great! I will pass the copy to Sam,” Jot takes over the piece of paper.
I sense that it is time for me to leave, so I walk towards the door and close it behind me, and then I take the liberty to use the second-floor toilet. I have always wanted to know how they decorate this toilet.
Three minutes later I am back at my desk.
Chapter 15
The next morning, I pick up the newspapers still in my pyjamas. No news on my boss. But when I arrive at the office, Jot is there waiting for me. She stands up from my chair and tells me,
“Can you go to Sam’s house today?”
“Of course, I could,” I am just too happy to be able to see what my boss’s house is like.
“It is not far away, within walking distance. And did you claim for transport yesterday?” Jot reminds me.
That is least important to me now. Nonetheless I say, “Yes, I shall,” and then I wait for her to give me Mr. Sam’s address.
Mr. Sam’s house is large by any standards. I try to memorize the number plate at the entrance.
After several attempts to disentangle myself from the large Alsatian dog, I manage to follow the helper into the house.
The design of the interior is not at all like the office. It has a Balinese flavour, with fresh flowers arranged in a jar on top of rectangular glass piece. It was evident that the owner of the house has lived in an English Equestrian home before. I look at the paintings hung on the wall, and I decide that I must find out the name of the artist before I leave the house.
“Ms. Lottie used to work here?” I ask tentatively, just to show that I had knowledge of the news.
“Yes, Umm …. ma’am, …. But she …. she ….” the rather plump looking woman says, presumably the helper.
“Not to worry, I am here to help you,” Jot doesn’t tell me what I am supposed to do in Mr. Sam’s house.
“Please go to her room with me,” she says, a little hesitant.
Common sense tells me that the deceased’s property must be sent back to her family in her home country.
“Ok, let me help you pack her belongings,” I offer.
The woman leads me through a large dining hall and turns left into a living room before moving into an area with a garden. And then at the end of the garden she opens a door without a lock.
“This her room?” I ask.
“Yes, ma’am, I didn’t go in since yesterday, I was cleaning the pool with the gardener. And then, the call from the police came.”
“Oh ok, you have some luggage?” I get down to business.
She steps in and pulls out a piece of luggage from the bottom of the bed.
I am efficient. Business is the call of the day. “Stay here.” I order the woman.
And then I open the luggage, without so much as looking at the items scattering all over the small room, I pick up everything that I could lay hands on, and I chuck them into the luggage. I am lucky that everything fits in.
“You got a padlock?” once I finish, I ask her.
“Yes, I think it’s here,” she pulls out a drawer from the side table, the only other piece of furniture in the room.
I lock the luggage and then I grab it, dragging it out of the room. I place it outside the door, and I tell the plump woman to help me bring it to the car. All this while I assume that my task today is to bring the late woman Ms. Lottie’s belongings back to Brown Woods to bring it to The Embassy of the Philippines.
I haven’t done estate before, and this is the first time I am doing it. It can’t be complicated, I tell myself.
The helper watches me in silence, and she helps me carry the luggage into the car before closing the car door for me. I am satisfied that my mission has been accomplished without fuss.
Once back at the office, I look for Jot.
The luggage is heavy, and I could barely carry it to my desk. All the other staff in the office stare at me, but none of them come up to help me. But I am not giving up. This is my job for now – to settle my boss Mr. Sam’s affairs for him.
Maybe he slept with Ms. Lottie and wanted to end the affair, which caused her to take her own life?
My mind suddenly starts to work. I have always loved mysteries and thrillers. The affair is the action that caused this reaction of suicide. This must be it! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Chapter 16
I am not a P.I., neither have I worked in the police force, but I have read enough Sherlock Holmesand Agatha Christies to know that something is amiss in the entire situation. First, why did the office tell me to keep the original, and then the embassy takes away the document. And now, no one in the office wants to take responsibility for the matter.
I need to talk to someone about this.
Some other third party who has no association with Brown Woods and who would not carry tales to the office. Yes, Priscilla and Sebastian are the best persons. I don’t even have to make an appointment; we automatically meet on Sundays.
But this Saturday Priscilla do not call me. I wait until 10:45 p.m. when I am sure that she won’t call, I log off from all my digital devices and switch off the lights.
The next morning, I wake up at 8:45 a.m. and I jump out of bed immediately, until mother speaks to me at the front door,
“Where are you going?” she asks.
Oh yeah! Priscilla didn’t call!
I sit down on the sofa, deflated. My day has no purpose now. But that since I have changed and is all ready to go out, I decide to go somewhere for breakfast. I am tired of eating mother’s scrambled eggs. Today is a holiday for me! I don’t have to go for the Peppermint Walk!
“Sorry I can’t have breakfast with you, mom,” I say.
“Where are you off to?” Mother shouts after me. But I am already outside the front door.
“Take me to the Park Cameron,” I tell the taxi driver. I decide to pay for my own breakfast.
Not a word is exchanged between me and the driver, and I allow the valet to open the car door for me. Likewise, he ushers me into the hotel without another word. I hurry into the coffee house and find a seat next to a man, and I leave my bag by the side to go up to the buffet table to collect my food.
The assortment is fantastic. I must choose between orange juice, grapefruit juice, apple juice, watermelon juice, and tomato juice. For bread, I must choose between white bread, brown bread, Rye bread, Pita bread, etc. For toppings I must choose between bacon, corned beef, ham, sausages, …. There is also porridge with radish, chicken floss, salted fish, and real fish slices …. for toppings. And then there is also French toast, and salad with multiple toppings …. all of which I couldn’t name.
The cook is there to prepare omeletts. He folds around our omeletts, and we are to tell him which fillings we want. The ingredients are all neatly lay out in small trays.
“Which of these do you want?” He says whilst pointing to the chives, vegetables, mushrooms, ham and bacon, capsicum green and red, onions, etc. while grilling an omelett for another guest.
“All of them,” I say. I couldn’t decide which to leave out. And in any case, it is the same price for one topping or all. It is a and/or situation. I am not greedy for food. I am just lazy to use my brains.
He breaks two eggs with one hand into a bowl and beat them up. Afterwards he throws them into his hot frying pan, pushes the yellow mixture around the pan, and then flips them several times, before adding the toppings one at a time, until the yellow mixture becomes a pocket. I marvel at his skill.
“There you go,” he places the omelett on a plate and hands it to me.
“Thank you,” I smile at him and is immediately satisfied.
I rush back to my table, ready to devour the hot pipping cuisine. Just as I am getting my first bite, a man comes up to me,
“Hello, this your bag?” He holds it high up for me to see.
Omg! I left my bag behind!
I snatch the bag from the man.
“Hey! Don’t you think you ought to say thank you?” He isn’t satisfied when I thought he would walk away.
“Oh, ok, thank you,” I respond.
“Would you like to check that nothing is missing before I walk away?” He orders people around, like Priscilla.
Why should I listen to him? I want my omelett!
As though reading my thoughts, he continues,
“The omelett is nice, isn’t it?”
This man is annoying!
“Ok, sir, thank you so much again, I am sure that you didn’t take anything from my bag, may I have your name before I proceed to check?”
“My name is Samuel,” he sounds confident as he mentions.
Samuel as in Sam!
I almost fall from the chair, except that I am sitting at the corner table. My pulse quickens, and I rush to stand up, dropping my napkin on the floor.
“Err, my bag is a cheap bag, there is nothing inside except my MRT card, my wallet with only two hundred dollars, my house keys, and then my lipstick, … that’s all …” and then, “nothing that a rich man like you would want to take,”
“How do you know that I am rich?” he asks.
“Oh, I have seen your paintings, you like horses, don’t you?” I reply, I want to show that I am credible. I don’t say things out of the blue for no reason at all. And I always state the facts.
“And you killed your helper!” I carried on talking.
Justice must be done!
“What helper? My helper had already left,” Samuel replies.
“She killed herself, I know, and all because of you!” I begin to get agitated.
“Since when?” by now the man is smiling.
“Your office told me,” I must give him the grounds to substantiate myself.
“I don’t think so,” the man becomes quite triumphant now.
“How did you gain entry into my office as well?” He begins to question me.
“I am a member of your staff, Mr. Sam!!!” I was beginning to raise my voice.
“Any evidence to show me?” He isn’t easily fooled.
By now I am desperate. On a weekend there is no reason for me to carry my office ID card. I always leave it at home in my Gucci handbag, and this morning I come out with the exercise bag which I always carry as though I am going for the Peppermint Walk.
“This is ridiculous!” I tell myself. I don’t know him in the first place, he takes my bag without asking me, and then now he wants me to show proof on where I work.
Without further ado, I walk out of the coffee house, leaving my delightful and delicious omelett behind.
Out in the hotel entrance, the valet again opens the car door without a word. The taxi driver tries to ask me if I want to turn right or make a left turn, I am so distressed I merely say,
“You are the driver you ought to know,” and then I begin to check my bag, something which I should have done when the suspect was around.
Chapter 17
Mother is waiting for me at the living room the moment I get back.
“Why didn’t you go for the walk?” she asks.
“Oh, they didn’t ask me,” merrily I say, although I have had a scare just now.
“They came here looking for you,” mother says.
“Oh? Priscilla? What did you tell them?” I am hoping that mother didn’t tell them that I went to her hotel without her.
“She said she rang and couldn’t get a response from you,” mother is getting upset with me.
Chapter 18
I must report this to someone. Someone in authority who would take over this matter from my hands, someone who would take the culprit to task, and relieve me from all this analysis, and fact-finding. I want to end this speculation on my part. I begin searching in my head for a good, honourable, and reliable person. That person must also believe what I say to him.
Finally, the answer comes.
It is none other than the pastor at the church room whom I have spoken to the other day.
I jot the encounter on a piece of paper, and I make a short prayer before I put on a nice navy frock. The navy dress is slightly off-shoulder, but I don’t think that the pastor would mind. I also take the trouble to apply two layers of lipsticks and wear my usual Miss Dior.
The counselling session I book online is on Friday night. I tell myself that after work I will go straight to see pastor. The church sanctuary is closed by the time I go there and there is a piece of paper with a note stuck on the wooden door –
“Kindly be advised that church service has now ended for the day. For counselling sessions, you are directed to the enclosure at the rear end beside the fountain.”
I wait patiently, all the while rehearsing what I have to say. Finally, a man opens the door.
“What can I do for you, my child?” a different pastor, no longer Pastor Lucas Ling. He is not wearing church attire but a black shirt with a pair of denim jeans.
“Wait! Before I begin, are you a pastor?” I demand.
“But of course, else I won’t be here,” he turns and light a candle behind him.
I decide to take this man into confidence. Although his rugged look disqualifies him from a pastor ab initio. He ought to be a seaman or at least a pirate.
“I am not sure, but this is something important. And I am not sure if I am accurate in saying that a murder has taken place ….” I start, with a kind of uncertainty in my tone of voice, as though I can’t believe what I am saying.
“Before you begin, I need you to sign this declaration form,” the man hands me a piece of paper.
On it is a statement which permitted him to release the information I give him to the relevant authorities if it is found to be illegal or unlawful.
“What if it was merely immoral?” I ask.
Mr. Sam didn’t kill Ms. Lottie. He merely ditched her, and she killed herself.
“Then you would need to ask God for forgiveness,” he says.
“But this is an immoral act committed by someone else,” I quickly absolve myself from guilt,” and then I add,
“Although, I am not sure if it was criminal.”
“Ok, then let’s hear it!” the man sounds unusually cheerful.
“The company that I work for … I think my boss has killed his helper,” I begin my story.
“What makes you think so?” he seems to be interested now, and at the same time he takes out a piece of paper.
“Err, … it’s a long story,” my thoughts begin to fracture. Is this criminal?
I stand up, decide to leave.
“Why?” the man suddenly grabs hold of my arm, in order to stop me from leaving, “What do you think you are doing?” he asks.
“MOLEST!” I begin to raise my voice, not shouting.
“I have turned the CCTV off, and the entrance and exit to this hall is closed, you can shout for all I care,” the man says.
I look at this man, now it seems clear to me that he is an imposter. And I notice that he has a scar on his neck by the side of his chin. It is not a very long line, and a little faint perhaps due to the passage of time. Otherwise, I would say that he is quite handsome.
There is a clock on the wall. I could see the second hand ticking away. In no time the counselling centre would be closed, and no one would be able to rescue me from this predicament.
So, I pretend to be interested in his affairs, “How did you get this scar?” I speak.
“You really don’t remember, do you?” the man’s eyes narrow, emitting a hateful blaze, as though he is going to consume me.
“For heaven’s sake, this is the first time I am meeting you, sir!” I decide to call him sir instead of pastor, since he is an imposter.
“We were school mates in junior high school, then you left without saying a word,” he begins to talk.
“Did I say I was going to meet you? After graduation it would be natural for us to part ways, I should think,” I try to reason with him.
“Yes, for everyone else, but not you and I,” his voice deep and hollow, with a strange kind of resonance.
“Ok, but really, what was your name?” I pursue the trend of thought.
“Oh, you even forgot my name!” now the man looks visibly upset.
“Listen, pastor, or whatever name you might want to call yourself now. My name is Angelina Chan, and I am here to do counselling. If you let me out now, I promise I won’t breathe a word to anybody.”
“Ok, but do you remember me?” he softens.
“Ahh, I remember now, you the one that plays the guitar?” I say, with a kind of affirmation that even I couldn’t believe it.
“Exactly!!” the man beams.
I hit at the jackpot!
“Ok, can I come back and do this another day, say next Tuesday?”
“No, Tuesday I have another session, how about next Monday?” he checks his handphone calendar.
I am getting there, I am close to it, I take one step away from him, nearer towards the door, my thoughts racing ….
And then suddenly it clicked!!!
Yes, he is Wee Soon Seng! The guy who sat at the last chair on the second row. We used to make fun of him and called him, “we will soon be able to sing”.
And then …. And then …. Omg! I forget the rest. What happened? Did we date? Did we exchange farewell gifts? Have I ever been to his house?
“Ok, see you on Monday then!” Pastor, no, Mr. Wee says. This man is satisfied. He gives me a broad smile and he uses his remote control to open the door. The door fling opens, and I tiptoe to the exit when in fact all I want to do is to run out.
“See you ….” I say, if I say Goodbye he might come after me.
Chapter 19
Back in the safe confines of my home, I do not relate this misadventure to mother, and frankly mother couldn’t help me either.
Neither do I confide in Priscilla and Sebastian on Sunday during Peppermint Walk.
I go to work as usual, remembering that Ms. Lottie’s luggage is still at my desk.
But when I go to my desk, there is no luggage. I panic and curse myself for having left it there, “How could you trust the office staff?!”
I begin to ask around. No one pays any attention to me.
And then Jot comes up to me. Jot is the only friendly soul in this office, she always helps me whenever I am in trouble.
“I brought Ms. Lottie’s belongings back …. in some luggage …. but the luggage had disappeared,” I could have cried.
“Oh?” Jot looks genuinely surprised.
“Mr. Sam would like to see you, in his office,” Jot mentions.
“Now?” I am shocked.
“Yes, now,” Jot says.
Immediately I head towards his office. And I drop by the toilet to refresh the powder on my face and touch up on my lipstick. I must look my best. I make sure that I put on a good makeup. I examine myself again and see that I am wearing a cream-coloured dress and a pair of high heels, the whole attire suitable for such a meeting. And then I sprayed Miss Dior on my wrist.
Chapter 20
I have no difficulty finding the boss’s room. His name is neatly written on his door, the words embossed in gold. I raise my scented hand.
Knock, knock, I hold the doorknob at the same time.
No sound from inside. I wait five seconds before I attempt again.
Knock, knock, I tap.
Finally, I pluck up the courage to open the door.
The door is kind of heavy, I must use some force to push it open, what on earth ….
Inside is a large desk, a man is sitting there on a highchair, he seems to be busy reading some papers. Beside his table is a blooming palm, on top is a large painting of a woman on horseback.
Finally, the man decides to put down his newspapers and breaks the silence.
I see him, my boss, the boss of Brown Woods.
Mr. Sam is none other than Wee Soon Seng!
And he is not the man Samuel at the Park Cameron coffee house! I have assumed that Samuel was Sam!
“We said we were going to meet on Monday, right?” he asks, gentle and reassuring, unlike the man who calls himself pastor the other night.
“Yes,” I begin to like him now. I have confirmed that this is my childhood friend. They call it the puppy love. Is he my first boyfriend? I have no idea. But in any case, he could do me no harm. We are playmates.
“Oh yes, Jot told me you went to my house the other day, was it Thursday or Friday?” he looks a little unsure.
“Friday.” I confirm.
“And you took some things from my helper’s room,” he says.
“Yes,” I have no reason to lie, I want to know where the luggage has gone to.
“Ok, here is a memo from the police, you look at it yourself,” he slit opens an envelope and passes me the letter inside –
“To Ms. Angelina Chan:
You are hereby charged with the murder of Ms. Lottie Del Rosario, a Philippines National, on the eve of Christmas 24 December 1998 at 2:00 a.m., thereafter disposing of her belongings in an unknown neighbourhood ……”
Sweat begin running down from my forehead, I could almost taste the salt concentration.
“Why did you frame me?” I yell; I could not contain myself.
“Why didn’t you go to the airport on the 24th of December 1978? You know how long I waited? Do you know how hard it is for me to forget you?!” Sam Wee asks.
I could hear the neighbour’s clock chime as I walk to my door. Instinctively, I look at the watch on my hand to see if it is 6:00 p.m., just in case his clock was telling otherwise.
“Good, I came back on time,” I tell myself.
And then I slip my key into the keyhole to open the door. I have the CCTV at home, so that if anyone is observing me remotely from the backend, he would know that I am back.
As usual, he is hiding again.
“Hi, I am back,” I say, to make myself known to him.
He must be in the kitchen, so the first thing I do is to go straight into the kitchen to turn on the light. The light comes on, and no one is inside.
Then I turn on the kettle to register that I am home. I do that to my kettle whenever I see it. My kettle is one of those old fashion pots, it makes a humming sound when the water boils, like a train making its announcement that it is leaving the platform. Of course, I am exaggerating, I know that a kettle is far from being a train.
Then I do my rituals. I go straight to my bedroom to wash my clean hands. I go out alone and come back alone, so that I am certain that my hands have not been contaminated with anything that is likely to spread germs. Yes, I also take the private hire home.
But I am still cautious. Covid-19 is not to be taken lightly. It is an enemy against all health protocols and is the number one disease that has taken 5 million lives, surpassing all other illnesses. You could say that it is a winner if you are betting on a horse. Scientists are still coming out with vaccines and before you know it, it has mutated, and a new variant emerges.
We are in the year 2021 now. The Covid started attacking us in the year 2019 and that is why it is called Covid-19. Our children and grandchildren would forever remember when this dreadful enemy descended upon us. SARS and measles have taken a back seat for now. All we know is that it is gaining momentum and has outwitted us since its entry.
No one even cares about HIV nowadays. If you don’t do certain things, you are not likely to get HIV. But for Covid, you must do all things in order not to catch it. Many things ought to be done now.
We want to blame someone; we want to make someone pay. No one would admit liability as the bill is enormous. So that it must be God’s will. But God will not hurt us. Why would God kill? God only heals, God doesn’t kill.
Chapter 2
Ok, he is not hiding in my kitchen now. He might be in some other parts of my house maybe in the bathroom. His presence lingers in the horizon together with the smell of the twigs after a long rain. And he is trying to talk to me again if I am not careful.
After I wash my hands, I take off my mask and my watch, and I place them on top of the side table, the log off point. It is always the first and the last, before I go out, and when I come back. I don’t have any other place to put my mask, this is the most prominent place so that I won’t forget it when I leave the house.
No, I don’t’ want to die. No one wants to die, no one wants to contract Covid. If you have Covid, chances are that you will survive, but that you will have less friends, the good thing is that your enemies will leave you too. Since no one knows if there are still any residue of it for migration.
Where is he now? Again, I ask.
He is in the kitchen, but that I have turned on the light, so that he couldn’t stay in the kitchen anymore. I am unsure if he has moved from the kitchen to my bedroom.
Ok, now I turn on the light in my room. I couldn’t see anybody there, so that I am sure that he is not in my room. What you couldn’t see with your naked eyes, you could declare it absent. I put on my spectacles to allow myself to see more clearly.
Three minutes later, I decide to take a shower. This is to wash off all the virus on my body in case anyone of them was a Covid. I try not to take the shower so often, as I am trying to save on my water bill. But I wash my hands very often. They say that a person who washes his hands very often has obsessive-compulsive disorder. But with Covid around, we really need to wash our hands very often.
So where is he now? Is he in the toilet? Yes, I haven’t taken my shower. I must do so now. Showering has two purposes. One is to kill the Covid, the other is to tell him that the bathroom is my area, so stay out! I turn on the tap, cold water comes out. I remember that I have turned on the heater. So, the heater has conked out on me. Reluctantly I put on my clothes again.
This is very annoying!
Who can I call at this hour?
After 6:00 p.m. no plumber will come to your house to do the job. And even if I could secure a handyman, he would charge me double the rate for an after-hoursjob. I curse the heater, after having cursed my neighbour, whose clock I encounter just before I come in. His clock distracts me. And then I turn on and off the switch to the heater again. No, it doesn’t work. The heater does not pick up my anger, neither does the neighbour who is not within earshot.
Frustrated, I decide that I must use cold water and I go in to shower again. And then I know that he had come in here earlier on in the day. He came in to spoil my heater. No one else would do a wicked thing like that. No one would be mad enough to inconvenient me. Desperate, I look for Dominic downstairs.
Dominic lives on the ground floor with a Persian cat.
Chapter 3
I first met Alfred when I was doing an art class at his studio. He operated at a unit amongst a row of terrace houses. You must walk through a long corridor before you could find his unit. When the driver dropped me off at the entrance, I tried to make enquiry, but no one knew where his studio was. I rang his assistant, but no one picked up the call. In the end I saw the sign board outside the premises, and I followed the instructions given to find his unit.
Alfred was not available when I went in. I was told to sit down at one of the chairs to wait for my turn. I chose one on the extreme left, so that I could walk out anytime if I wanted to. It was an unfamiliar setting that I was not comfortable with.
No one came to my aid, and I didn’t know that I had to make a down payment for the class before I began. I brought my materials, a pallet, and several brushes, and a canvas.
The man, presumably the artist, did not greet me. The first thing he said was, “Where is your apron?”
“I wasn’t told to bring an apron,” I responded, with a slightly mild tone, although I was quite unhappy that it took me so long before he would appear.
“Go sit down, here!” he pulled out a stool and indicated.
Instead of following his instructions I said, “How much are the classes?”
“You pay sixty dollars each time, you could either pay online, with a cheque, or use cash,”
“What would you prefer?” I asked.
“I have no preference,” he said.
“By the way, my name is Alfred, but not Hitchcock,” the man finally introduced himself.
“And I am Suzanne, it’s Suzanne Goh, you can also call me Li Mei,” I replied.
“Pleased to meet you, Madam,” he said.
I was very tickled by the way he called me – “Madam”! No one ever called me that before. Usually they address me as “Miss” and I didn’t like it. I was not a young girl.
“Would you like to pay now? Or after the class?” Alfred asked.
I decided that it would be wiser to do so after the class, as I wanted to make sure that I got something out of this before I committed myself.
It all depended on whether there were enough students. My purpose in joining The Landscape Portrait was to make new friends, not to create art pieces. Art was the least likely way to generate income, unless you were another Picasso.
I looked around, there were only two other people in the room. One was a middle-aged man who seemed to be a photographer, and the other a lady who reminded me of Miss Marple. I told myself I must get to know them before the end of my journey at the studio.
Chapter 4
I couldn’t find him in the house today. So that I am sure that he is waiting for me outside.
Is he Amin the security guard? Or could he have been the postman who happened to be delivering the mail into my letterbox? And then could he have been hiding in the neighbour’s house downstairs all this while? From the estate I peep into Dominic’s house through his balcony.
Nope. No one is inside. The curtains, half drawn, declares a stagnant air. I ponder on whether I should drop in on Dominic to lodge a complaint. Dominic is usually in at this time. He is a retired journalist, and he knows all the writing styles of the various reporters. But I don’t want him to see me without my makeup, so I decide to do so another day, when I am certain that a mischief had been committed against me.
Reluctantly I walk up to my apartment on the second floor and go in alone. I do not turn on the kitchen lights today.
Chapter 5
The lift broke down today.
I had no choice but to climb the steps. But thank God it was just two storeys high. The thing was that it was too coincidental. It happened when I stopped greeting Dominic along his balcony whenever I passed by after work. I was just being friendly.
But Dominic has no supernatural powers. He couldn’t force a breakdown. The lift was not controlled by him. And why would Dominic want to break down my lift to inconvenient me? And how could he have spoilt my heater?
Unless …. Dominic has my front door keys ….
I was beginning to get suspicious. Could Dominic be the man in my house? After all, he came in last week, when my heater broke down. But prior to that, who was the one in my house?
Chapter 6
I was told that if you visit your grandparents’ home you could recall your late mother’s spirits.
So, I went back to my old house – which I had been living since the day I was born. My uncles and aunties were no longer contactable, and if they were gone, I was not told about it. My cousins from the other side, contactable ones were all married with their own families, and they saw no need in looking for me – I couldn’t do anything for them.
So long as I didn’t bother them with my loneliness, they were quite happy to exclude me in their family gatherings. I doubt that they missed me.
I walked past the layers of shrubs on both sides of the pathway, tramping over several wet dried leaves on the ground before I could find the white swing still standing in the garage.
There was only one way to describe the house – vacant. You didn’t see anyone there, not even a stray dog or a stray cat in sight. I walked further down from where the car dropped me, and I saw the white wooden door. Some of the paint had already chipped of, leaving another layer of white but less intense paint.
No Coca-Cola cans, no used paper plates, nothing that reminded me that this was the Christmas tree that celebrated several parties. From my handphone I scrambled for the pictures of my parents with their guests in those days when all we did was to “drink and be merry, for Christmas comes but once a year”.
I arrived at the door. I had walked in and out of that door for more than twenty years. Now the lock was broken, you didn’t need a key to go in. And frankly, ordinary people won’t think of venturing inside. I stood at the entrance and thought for a few minutes before I pushed open the door. And I was not surprised to find that most of the furniture was still the same.
The standing lamp stood at the corner; I could see that it hadn’t been used for quite some time now. Instinctively I walked towards it to try to turn it on, almost tripping on the loose wire that connected it to the power socket.
I then realised that I had made a mistake by choosing to come back at this hour. If I didn’t leave soon enough, I would have to grope in the dark to find my way around. I suddenly thought of the ironing board abandoned at the end of the long corridor. Was it still there?
My old room was the first on the right, but I couldn’t go in unless I have walked into the common area. Mother’s large working desk was in the common room together with the television and a large sofa. She and Dad used to sit there waiting for me to come home from school, ostensibly watching television. That used to give me an uneasy feeling that I was being watched.
The floor was cold even if it was ceramics. I stepped inside the geometric carpet. I tripped on the rug. Immediately I fell and hit the back of the sofa.
I stood up without hurting myself. And then I saw the horse on top of the side cabinet. It had a bushy tail and the grains on the wood was particularly intricate. The image was carved from a large piece of wood, and the master was able to depict two houses dancing together. Dad told me that he bought it from a wood cutter in Indonesia.
I searched for a thought, and then I asked myself why I was here again. I knew that I couldn’t find my parents here. So, then what was I looking for? It must have been the memories. Yes, I remembered that we were joyous, and fun filled here a long time ago, and not so long ago. Times have passed, but memories remain etched in my mind.
No, I mustn’t give up. There was something here that I wanted. Every time I came here, I picked up a piece of paper, a note written by Mother, or some items that reminded me of her existence. The notes were all undated, as though she had just written it yesterday.
I knew that one day this place would be closed and that I won’t be allowed to come in anymore. But for now, they haven’t erected a gate or a fence or anything like that, so that I could still come in. It was not trespass or anything like that. You couldn’t call a revisit as trespass. There was simply no one here, so there was nothing, no one, to trespass on.
As I walked around, I tried to breath in the odour of ancient composition. A whiff of fresh azaleas blew away my thoughts for a second, and then I was back in 1983.
Yes, I left in 1983.
Chapter 7
Yes, we had a party. In fact, we had several parties.
Mother invited her friends from her journalist circle. They were young, and full of ideas.
But Mother had more ideas than others.
I spent most of my time convincing Mother that her ideas won’t work. I was the wet blanket. But she was not discouraged by me. And her ideas kept on coming. She was always an enthusiast. And she had too many friends. They were more than I could handle. I was jealous of them, jealous of Mother’s popularity.
But I didn’t like crowds. I thrived on solitude. I was an only child; I was not used to having people around. This was me; many people saw me as being unsociable. But I couldn’t change my character, I couldn’t change me!
As usual I walked into the common room. The first thing I looked for was the piano. If it was still there that meant that the house would remain here for some time. The piano stood at the wall; it was a dark brown mahogany. The colour of the wood filtered through the layer of dust. Automatically I went up to it and pulled the piano chair out and sat on it, to recall my piano skills. My fingers hit the keys and I could only work out a C Major. Frustrated, I tried other variations. D Major, E Major, C Minor, …. no use. I had forgotten how to play the piano. My fingers refused to listen to my command. I gave up.
I remembered that I was young. And I remembered that I was still unmarried. Yes, marriage changed everything. I was no longer my parents’ child after marriage. Why do we need to grow up? Why was I in such a hurry to get married? But no use talking about it now. I was married and unmarried. I was entangled and I extricated myself. Now I was free. I was free to roam in this space, free to make recollections of any moments of the past that I wished.
No one was here to stop me.
I stood on the discoloured rug. It was a familiar pattern that I saw. A geometric design not too stark. I tried to figure out the mathematical formula when I found myself on the sofa on top it. The sofa covered some of the mathematical patterns. I was happy to relax on the sofa cushions thrown about carelessly.
“I think one or two cushions are missing,” I told myself.
But what difference did it make if there were four or six cushions?
Maybe Mother is in the kitchen cooking now.
I woke up immediately and walked towards the kitchen. She was always making soy sauce noodles, plain with chillie sauce. But I didn’t see her. I saw a rusty stove and several pieces of old racks all over the kitchen counter. The paint on the kitchen wall was coming off, I couldn’t decide if it were light blue or white. At the same time several cockroaches were waiting to greet me. I gave a small cry and rushed out.
“Enough for the day! I will come back again!” I told myself before leaving the house, using the same white door as exit, although I could see that the side gate at the corridor was unlocked. The house had become inhabited so that there was no boundary. Or rather, it no longer had an entrance as the house had amalgamated with the surrounding trees and scrubs.
In any case, the mission was accomplished. I found my piano scores. Happily, I tucked them under my arm, and I walked boldly out of the grounds as though I was still living there.
It was around that time when I met Dinah.
Chapter 8
As I returned to my own home, I rushed to the piano, and I quickly placed the retrieved piano scores inside the piano chair in case it got lost again. I couldn’t help wondering why I had not taken the horse with me when I left St. Teresa Walk.
And then suddenly I saw him coming out of the kitchen. I couldn’t believe my eyes!
“Have you eaten?” I heard him.
“No,” naturally I answered.
“There is food on the table if you want it,” again he said.
I went to my dining table, saw some food. But when I turned on the light, it was gone. Ok, it was my imagination. No one was talking to me.
“Let’s cook some dinner,” I told myself. Soy sauce noodles of course!
As I was eating my noodles, I remembered what Mother used to tell me:
“Life is never one straight line, it is full of twists and turns, things don’t always turn out the way you want it to be, and then you will have to deal with it,”
“No, life is predictable, the sun comes out every morning, and the moon shines every night,” I used to retort.
But she proved to be right after all. No one expected Covid. No one expected the borders to close, and no one expected mandatory masks wearing. It drastically changed our habits and lifestyle.
Chapter 9
I was back again. This time I wanted to retrieve the horse.
I could tell that the gardener had come in and swept the leaves away. There were less on the ground, as you could see more of the surface, and one or two pebbles along with the grey. I wore a different pair of shoes this time. And I saw a man on the white swing. When I went nearer, I found a book sitting on it. I remembered that only the stray cat that lived in the estate slept on it when it was stationary. The wind sometimes blew and was strong enough to swing it about.
Now it was an antique.
And then I suddenly heard my mother’s voice,
“Wake up!”
It startled me, and my first instinct was to react, “I am already awake!”
Mesmerised by my mother’s voice, there seemed no way out but to bring the book back and read it once more. I wanted something physical to consolidate my memory.
Chapter 10
When you were young, you have many friends, everyone was a possibility. But when you were old, you would have gone through the process of elimination by then and depended on only those whom you could count on for help. I was neither young nor old. And since I left Gossip News to work in Bull Bank, my top priority was still Alfred the painter I befriended in The Landscape Portrait. You could say that we were more than friends. And we were more than insane.
Of course, I couldn’t go back to him now. We had said terrible words to each other, and he might have been married by now.
So that now all I wanted to do was to retrieve my past, and go back to the time before we met, and then move on from there. The time from I met Alfred to the time now was to be deleted and erased from the record.
So keen was I to move on.
But time always stood still whenever I was back at St. Teresa Walk.
Yes, I went back to St. Teresa Walk again today.
An Indian lady was at the estate as I walked in. She stood prominently right in the middle of the pathway to the big house, as though she was living in one of the quarters. I saw her, and she looked at me.
But she didn’t see me.
At the time that I saw her, she was busy combing her hair, it was jet black, thick, and long. I could see that there was a lot of work to be done before it could be made into something presentable. I hesitated to go near her, and I decided to make a detour and come back later.
“She doesn’t live here, she can’t be here for long,” I told myself.
As I turned back, I found that the private hire which brought me here was still there. I hopped in automatically even though I wasn’t sure where my next destination was. I wasn’t planning on going away for too long.
The driver asked, “Miss, where you want to go?”
“I …. anywhere ….” I just wanted to stay away for a while.
“Anywhere? Do you want to go to the airport?” he asked.
“I am not leaving the country,” instead of chiding him I took him seriously.
“Ok, so I go now?” he said.
“Hey! Wait!” I raised my voice, “I just want to wait inside your car for a while,” I quizzed.
“Wait for what? For whom?” the man started to be uncooperative.
“I … err … I want to go inside the house …. again ….” I spoke.
“As far as I can see, there is no one here!” he said.
“No, there is an Indian lady inside,” I insisted.
“Miss, I think you saw wrongly. This is an empty house; no soul belongs here,” “if you want, I can drive you in,” he turned his steering wheel towards the left, anti-clockwise.
I became agitated, afraid that he might disturb the Indian lady. I was sure that she was the gardener’s wife. I wanted to find out if the gardener was still alive. And if he were so, whereabouts was he. The fact that she was here parading in public might suggest that he was absent from this secular world.
“Let me out!” at this point in time, I became desperate. I didn’t want the driver in my house!
He stopped, and then let go of his accelerator, at the same time he came out from his seat, and he came to my side of the car, I squealed in my seat, and I began to run out of the car.
After a distance, I turned back and looked. The driver had gone, and I was left standing where the large Christmas tree stood. I looked around and expected to see the Indian lady, but she had vanished.
Chapter 11
I couldn’t help but to go back the next day, today whilst the sun was still up. I was happy that Dinah was there. I approached her and began speaking to her as though she were the gardener’s wife.
“Purab is still alive?” I used a leading question.
She looked at me, and she smiled, showing her unnaturally white teeth. I almost wanted to ask her which brand of toothpaste she used.
And then, she said, “Purab is in the house, I am here to give him his lunch,” lifting a packet of banana leaf. I could smell the fragrance of curry chicken. I wanted to ask her to hand it to me. But instead, I said,
“There is no one in the house now, do you know me ……? I mean, did your husband ever mentioned me? I used to live inside this house.”
Dinah looked at me with a queer expression, “Why are you here?” she asked.
“I am Suzanne, I live here,” instead of using the past tense I used the present. I wanted to cut the present and paste it onto the past.
“Yes, I am Purab’s wife, my name is Dinah,” she said.
And before I could venture further, it started to rain. I became wet, so that I rushed out of the estate before I could obtain more information from Dinah.
But I still couldn’t resist the temptation from visiting St. Teresa Walk again.
Chapter 12
This time I brought some flowers, and I had a foldable umbrella inside my bag. I didn’t know why I did that, perhaps I wanted to cheer Dinah up. I felt something for that poor woman, and I thought that since I used to live here, and that the late Purab had tended to my grandparents’ estate, I ought to make some sort of gesture by way of compensation.
She was here. This time she wasn’t combing her hair. It was tied neatly into a bun, and she gave me a warm smile as she saw me, showing off her stark white teeth again. I told myself I must find out if Purab was still alive.
“Oh, it’s you,” she sounded disappointed.
Whom was she expecting?
I went up to her, and I handed her the flowers.
“Thank you,” she said.
Thank God, she acknowledged them.
“I …. have you eaten?” I knew not what to say.
“I am waiting for you to come home first,” she said.
“Oh, well, here I am,” I replied.
“How’s work today?” she asked.
“Same as usual,” I replied, my work is mundane and boring.
“Why don’t you sit down here and eat with me?” she pointed at a packet of banana wrap on the ground, next to some swept leaves. I could guess that she was sweeping the grounds.
“I have food waiting for me at home,” I turned down her offer, apart from the fact that it was unhygienic on the floor, I also did not like to eat with my fingers.
“When are you leaving her?” this time she asked an unusual question.
Who is her?
I decided to ignore her question and focused on the present.
“Do you come in here every day?” I asked.
“Huh?” she sounded confused. And then she added, “I am here every day ….”
I decided to leave her alone. Although her presence prevented me from reminiscing about the past somewhat. But I couldn’t send her away. Not after we have been acquainted.
And then I moved my attention away, and I walked away from her, hoping to gain something from my visit this time. I hoped to bring the horse away this time.
The same procedure. I pushed open the white door, ignoring the ironing board that had now been moved to the door. Iturned on the light, and I took my steps along the long corridor. The entire place smelt of dirty wood, and some rainwater has seeped in, making the floor a bit slippery. I was careful not to fall and dirty my nice summer dress. Oh yes, I forgot to take a photograph with Dinah. This was the reason why I wore this dress.
Yes, the horse was still there. No one has come in, and no one has stolen the craftsman’s work.
Three steps, and I got it in my hands.
It was terrible of me, but I am sure people do worse.
This is not theft! I told myself loudly. The piece of art was an abandoned possession. No one laid claim to it, no one wanted it. If it belonged to anyone, it belonged to my parents. And I, being their offspring, was rightfully entitled to it.
Suddenly Dinah appeared right in front of me.
Automatically I said, “Dinah, what are you doing here?”
She was supposed to be outside.
“Why are you taking this?” she confronted me.
“Oh you mean this?” I held up the horse, “This belongs to my parents,” I proclaimed.
“Give it to me,” she demanded.
I realised that she was serious, but she had no legal basis to take the horse away from me, not when it is in my hands now. This woman must be mad thinking that I would surrender my parents’ antique to her!
“Oh ok ok Dinah, have you eaten?” I tried to distract her, deviating the topic. Once she moved away I would run out with my horse, I told myself.
She responded, “Purab, the food is outside,”
Ok, if she thinks that I am Purab, then I would have a chance to run away. I quickly replied,
“Yes, yes, I will go and get my dinner,”
But before I could leave, the woman fell on her knees and broke down right in front of me.
Sensing her grieve, I tried to pick her up and I started to hug her. Her body smelt of mud and my nice summer dress became wet. Realising this I took leave immediately and stood up.
No, I cannot play Purab! I told myself.
“You must see a doctor, perhaps you are sick,” I told the woman.
“You told me you were just going for a while,” she started to talk.
“No, I said no such thing,” I answered her.
“Who are you?” by now she decided that I wasn’t Purab. Once she recognised that I was the girl who presented her with the flowers and that I am not her husband, I could leave. I was getting unnerved.
“Oh, I will be back tomorrow,” I said, giving myself time.
“Ok then, don’t bring me flowers next time, there are plenty in the back garden,” she advised.
I quickly dropped her, rushing out of the house. The horse was not with me.
Chapter 13
I was locked in conversation with Dinah the entire day. She told me that she was a child bride, and that she came to Singapore from Chennai some fifteen years ago. Her parents at home were waiting for her to settle down and bring them over. They have a house in Chennai with several restaurants, and …..
Sometimes I could hear her cry out, “Don’t leave me, Purab!”
“For heaven’s sake! Purab is dead!!” I shouted back, only the four walls could hear me.
I was startled by myself, and also that I pronounced Purab dead. How could I make a statement that was not obtained from direct evidence?
No one ever told me that Purab was dead. I had not seen Purab for a long time. I had been working on the assumption. So that I decided that I must make another trip back again to ascertain the mortality status of Purab, even if it was not to retrieve the horse.
When I saw Dinah the next day, I sought her confirmation, “Purab is dead, isn’t he?” If he wasn’t then I must make a missing person report.
“Purab, I promise you I would be a good wife, I won’t gamble, I would make dinner for you every night, I would ….” a barrage of promises came out, and Dinah started to grab hold of me.
OMG! This woman is insane! She really couldn’t decide if I were Purab or not. She must be sent to the hospital right away.
“Hold it, madam,” I became formal, in order to draw a distance, “I think you should see a doctor,”
“Yes,” she said, “I have seen the doctor today, and he told me that you are coming home today,” “see, you are here now.”
This was enough for me! Without further delay, I pushed her aside and rushed out of the house, out of the estate, again without the horse.
As though someone had planned this. A car was waiting for me at the drive-in. Automatically I hopped onto the car, I looked up. It was the same driver who dropped me off yesterday. He smiled at me, and he said,
“Oh, you didn’t take anything? I told you there was no one in the house right?”
“I ….. I …… please drive off as quickly as you can …..” my face was as pale as ever.
“To the airport?” he asked.
“Err …. anywhere, just drive! Please!!!” I began to panic.
The man was unusually calm, and then he opened his mouth and said,
“I think I know. You met her.”
“How did you know?” I looked up at him, surprised.
“This house is well known to be haunted, Ma’am,” he explained.
“When you came here, I already knew that you would get into trouble, so therefore I waited, hahaha, true enough!” he looked so triumphant.
“You mean that Dinah is also from beyond???” I could have fainted.
“So you met the late wife,” he said.
“And the husband?” I pursued.
“Both are, but it depends on when you go in, they appear alternately,” he elaborated.
“Give me …. give me …. some water,” I said.
“There you go,” the kind man handed me a water bottle.
But then experience told me not to drink from strangers. I hesitated, and then I returned him the water.
“It’s ok,” I said, “I just want to go home,”
“I don’t know where you live, you boarded from Marble House the shopping centre,”
“Oh ok, I live at Petticoat Lane, it’s block 34, unit 02-05,” I said. I didn’t know why I gave the exact address, I just became careless as I had a scare.
The man was cruising at 50 kph and the speed was annoying me. I wanted to go home. I wanted to wash my hands and my entire body as well as disinfect all of my belongings, and this time it was not the Covid virus that I am trying to exterminate.
At the same time I would also like to tell you that the entire scene was done without any masks.
Chapter 14
Things are beginning to disappear from my house.
It is not unusual to lose one’s things, occasionally, every now and then. But to lose things regularly, and subsequently finding them in bizarre places, is weird.
Also, if only one item is missing, then perhaps there is no cause for alarm, I might have just forgotten it and left it elsewhere. But many things have been disappearing from where they ought to be found.
Alas! I must find the items, apart from the man in my house.
But fact is that no one has come into my house, I lock the door the moment I return, and no one has my spare keys. So, who could have come in to take my things, apart from him, whom I suspect is living here with me?
Why would he want to take my things and then subsequently put them somewhere else?
Unless he wants me to think that I got dementia. I know that I am not demented. I can remember what I had for dinner last night, I can recall who my childhood friends are, I know the names of not only my cousins but also my second cousins. But oops! I forgot the name of the colleague who sat at the reception at Bull Bank this morning. But nonetheless, I consider myself logical and sound. No one has taken my brains away from me, yet.
Ok, I am going to note the items that have constantly been disappearing, moving about, as though they have legs. First it was the gold charm bracelet, then the pearl earrings, after that, it was the jade pendant …. I am really at wits end ….
Chapter 15
Action does not speak louder than words. I mean, sometimes you mean more on what you say, rather than what you do.
After I told Dinah that she was ill, I felt obligated to go back there again to help her, despite the allegation that she was from beyond. How could a ghost appear under broad day light? As far as I know, ghosts only roam about at night, and they usually wear white. The Dinah I saw the other day was in a bright green coat. Moreover, we hugged each other, so she could not have been a ghost.
I walked in after dismissing the driver. I carried an umbrella with me in case I needed to use it to protect myself, I also brought with me some mosquito spray. If she attacked me, I could spray some of those repellent into her eyes to blind her.
This time I couldn’t find her in the garden.
“She must be in the house,” I told myself.
True enough I found her cooking in the kitchen.
“Dinah,” I called her, “What are you doing here?”
“You like soy sauce noodles, right?” she replied.
How did she know?
And then I remembered that I left a note on the kitchen counter the other time when I was here:
“Ma, please cook my favourite soy sauce noodles for me.”
I had wanted to recall my late mother’s spirit.
But Dinah was the last candidate to be my mother. Who was Dinah? How could she be my mother?
Quickly I said, “No, it’s ok, I am not hungry now,” and then I asked her point blank, even though I knew that she might not tell me the truth,
“Are you a ghost?”
“Of course not,” she replied firmly, “touch me,” she said.
I had already encountered that the other day, so I backed off a little, and then I saw my gold charm bracelet on her wrist. The same trinkets stared at me boldly. I was shocked for a few seconds, but then I recovered,
“Where did you get this bracelet from?” I asked.
“From Purab of course,” she challenged me, “you think I stole it?”
“No, no, of course not,” I had no evidence that the item belonged to me. The bracelet was a gift from my grandfather.
“See, one of the trinkets is a butterfly,” she admired it proudly.
Suddenly it hit me! I lost control and I moved forward, grabbing her hand I tried to take the bracelet out from her wrist. It was tightly worn, I looked for the clasp, and I tried to unfasten it. Dinah had more brute strength then me, she pulled her arm away, and in the mist, she used the other hand to push me away. I fell backwards, and onto the floor without support.
No one was there to witness this dramatic event. And of course, there was no CCTV either. This was a very old house.
By now I had forgotten that my purpose here was to recall my late mother’s spirit. Now I wanted nothing more than to claim my lost jewelry. If this wretched woman has my charm bracelet, she must be in possession of all my other missing items, namely the pearl earrings, the jade pendant, and all the other pieces that I have yet to name.
This woman is not a ghost! She is a thief! Thieves must be dealt with separately from ghosts. For ghosts you get an exorcist, for thieves you call the police.
I wanted to use my handphone to ring for the police right away, but it was lost in the scuffle. The mosquito spray was also gone. I panicked, and my brains almost disintegrated.
“Are you ok?” I heard a man’s voice.
Looking up, I saw a man, he was thin, but quite well built, and somewhat dashing. It was my old gardener!
“Purab!” I yelled.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
At the same time, “Purab, you know her?” Dinah spoke.
“Of course, she lives here,” Purab said.
“Is she your late wife?” I asked, “I mean, is she your wife?” pointing to Dinah.
“Of course, she is!” Purab said. “But I am not married to her,”
“Not married and yet she is your wife? This doesn’t make sense!”
Purab pulled me aside.
“Listen, my wife is sick, if you want to know anything, talk to me instead,” he said.
At this time, a lady came out from my room, no, my old room. I have not seen her before. She was in a bikini slim enough for the pool, except that there was no swimming pool at this estate.
“Dear, what’s happening?” she asked.
“Oh no, just a new guest,” Purab said. And then he turned to me,
“Suzanne, meet my assistant Poly,” whilst looking at the lady he uttered,
“Poly, my old landlord Suzanne,”
This seemed clear enough, that the two were well acquainted, and obviously living together in this house. Immediately I walked towards my old bedroom to survey the situation.
The furniture was still the same, except that a large painting of a woman in red holding a mirror looking sideways was hanging right on top of the bed. I was quite mesmerized by the ambience it created. The room was certainly occupied. So, Poly took over my room!
And then, were Dinah and Purab living here as well?
I looked at Purab for an answer. But he looked at me with a kind of expression, dark and distant, I knew not what he was thinking. Perhaps he knew something more than what it appeared here on the surface.
“Suzanne, I know you, so I am telling you the truth: Poly and I are married, and Dinah is my common law wife,” he declared.
“Why are you telling me this?” I became upset, it was not something that I needed to know, and also not something that I was in a position to give assent to. It was entirely none of my business.
“You keep coming back here, so I thought that you are from the lawyers,” Purab said.
“I have tried filing for divorce, but they told me that since Dinah and I were never legally married, there isn’t anything wrong with my relationship with Poly.” he gave me his story.
Poly was a bright and chirpy Chinese girl.
Without another word, I grabbed my bag and walked out of the room, and out of the estate out of St. Teresa Walk.
The same private hire. I thought I had sent him away. There was no other car around, I hopped in. But this time I was cleverer, and calmer too. I told the driver before he could ask me if I wanted to go to the airport,
“I am going home, Petticoat Lane, just drive,”
The man obliged, but as he drove on, he couldn’t help to talk,
“Miss, may I know …. this time how many?”
“How many what?” I was getting impatient.
“Err, how many of them inside?” he questioned.
“You mean how many ghosts?” I responded, half joking. I spoke to Purab my old gardener. I knew him. And he identified Dinah and the other girl. So how could the people in the house be ghosts?!
Surprisingly he answered, “I think there are four of them, they sometimes come out for food, but usually after six p.m. ….”
“Enough!” I said, I wanted to put an end to this speculation. I was not interested in the people in the house. Fact that they had been here prevented me from recalling memorizes of the past, which was highly inconvenient.
Immediately I asked the driver, “How long have they been there?”
“By the way, my name is Steven,” the man now became more familiar, “I don’t know, I come here quite regularly, I receive calls to fetch passengers here almost on a weekly basis,” he confessed.
“You mean there are people coming to this house?!” I couldn’t believe my ears, “What are they here for?”
“I …. err …. there is also the Chinese girl, I think you haven’t met her yet …. she is very young ….”
It began to sink in.
Purab was operating a brothel at the estate – my grandparents’ estate.
There was only one thing to be done now.
“Shall I call the police?” Steven asked, “I have been waiting for you to take action,” he made himself my ally.
“No, no, …. I couldn’t do this to St. Teresa Walk! I couldn’t do this to my grandparents’ estate!
I wanted everything here to be as it used to be, I wanted the inhabitants not to be disturbed. This was my home, and no matter what had become of it, there was still part of me in it, my mother’s notes, and my old furniture was still inside, apart from the piano, the rug …. Omg!
I started to get hysterical.
“Let me speak to the man,” Steven was remarkably calm.
“NO!” I shouted at him.
“Let’s go back in there together,” I requested.
“You …. you sure you want to do that?” Steven the driver asked.
“Yes, I want the horse!” I exclaimed.
“Ok, if that’s what you want, I am all willing to do you the favour, I have been wanting to see the inside for a long time,” the driver said.
He pulled his car near the entrance, and he got out of the car with me. We walked in with a calling in mind – to cart away the horse and to address this immoral activity, since this was my grandparent’s estate.
We found not a soul inside.
Chapter 16
Things continued to disappear from my house.
Now my favourite sunglasses were gone, apart from a pair of brand-new Ferragamo shoes. I had no proof that they belonged to me in the first place, and I continued to be vexed.
Ok, now I know what to do. I must find Alfred. Alfred was my buddy, and although he has since married, he was bound to help me. I need someone who could endorse the fact that the gold charm bracelet belonged to me, since I have worn it on several occasions to his art studio.
Alfred is a kind man, and he obliged.
If I tell you that Steven drove us to St. Teresa Walk, you are bound to disbelieve me. No, this time it was another driver. And he hesitated somewhat when I gave him the drop of point.
At the same time, I was pleased that the weather was good, and we arrived promptly at 5:00 p.m., before the sky got dark.
Dinah was not there to complicate the drama. But we found the swing moved away. It looked as though some alteration was made every time when I had visited the estate.
Yes, the ironing board was gone, together with the lamp at the corner. But Purab was inside. I was not sure if Poly was there in the bedroom.
“Welcome!” Purab said, the moment he saw Alfred and me.
“So, what brings you here?” he opened conversation.
Alfred and I looked at each other, unable to comprehend why this man were so friendly.
“We are here to make certain claims,” Alfred spoke on my behalf.
“There is nothing here for you. End of story.” Purab said.
“I want my things back,” I wished I had been firmer.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Purab said.
At this juncture, Alfred came in, “Why are you still here? This house has been vacant for a long time,”
“As far as I know, lady,” Purab decided to assert himself, “your grandparents have not discharged me,” “so that therefore I am entitled to live here.”
Something inside me clicked for a second. I remembered that I used to find Purab sweeping the garden when I came home from school, and the way he always greeted me when I was reading on the swing, apart from the fact that he connived with me by not telling my parents that I was coming home in my boyfriend’s car. Purab was my confidant!
“Ok sir,” Alfred began to change his tone, “would you be kind enough to give us a fraction of your earnings, perhaps a percentage of what you earn here on the two girls Poly and the other one?”
“No such thing!” Purab was a quick man, he knew what was coming.
At this time Poly came out. She seemed to know when to appear.
“I am Suzanne, Purab’s wife, we live here, and we own this place,” she looked stern and authoritative. At the time she spoke, she waved her hand showing off a gold charm bracelet – “this was a gift from my late grandfather, you can ask any of your cousins.”
As I told you earlier on, I was no longer in touch with my cousins. So that now I had nobody to verify the fact that I was the real Suzanne.
Alfred looked at me, and he quickly added, “Darling, let’s come back another day. I think we were supposed to meet Peter Chan for dinner,” he concocted a random name on the spot.
And then Alfred grabbed me by the arm, his strong and hand pulled me away from the gardener, out of the estate.
Chapter 17
We drove. In the car Alfred warned me, “I think it best that you don’t go back there again,”
“So, who had been stealing my jewelry?” I asked, “Was it Purab? He couldn’t have known where I lived,”
“I think more like Steven the driver who sent you home, you gave him your address, right?”
“Out of carelessness, I guess,” I pulled a grimace.
“But how come he has my keys?” I murmured.
And then Alfred said, “By the way, I dropped by a week ago, you were not in. I met with your neighbour downstairs. He said he knew you, so I gave him your set of keys, for him to return it to you. Did he return them to you?” and he continued,
“Since we are no longer dating, I didn’t think that I should hold on to your keys.”
I was a complete wreck by now. So, it was Dominic who came in to disturb my house all this while. And all along I thought that he was just a friendly neighbour.
Before Alfred could step on his brakes, I pushed open the car door and rushed out, inflamed.
The door to unit 01-05 was ajar, as though the occupant was expecting me to arrive.
The lights were on, and it was bright inside. A man was seated at the balcony, with several large plants covering his body. But I could see that it was Dominic.
“You finally took the initiative to come in,” he said.
Without any opening remarks, I blurted out, “Why did you come into my house and disturb me?”
“I was just concerned, you live alone, and I was wondering if you needed any help,” he replied.
“You spoilt my heater, and also stole my jewelry,” I confronted him.
“And spoilt the lift as well?” he began to laugh.
“Look! This poor lady just had a scare,” Alfred had parked his car and he came in as well.
“Calm down, Suzanne,” Alfred said.
“I think it best that you change your lock,” Dominic advised.
An excellent idea! I thanked the both of them and I left unit 01-05.
Chapter 18
The alarm rang at 7:15 a.m. and I jumped out of bed. I will be late for Bull Bank if I didn’t get ready by now.
I slept late last night, as I was watching “Squid Game”. The serial was gripping. I saw the entire serial to its end before I logged off.
As I was hurrying to leave the house for breakfast, I saw Dominic’s lovely Persian cat outside my front door.
Why is she here?
I followed her trail, and I found myself outside Dominic’s front door again. The door was ajar of course, else his cat won’t have come out. But I felt obliged to knock.
“Come on in,” Dominic’s voice.
“Good morning, Dominic! I found your cat!” I said, cheerfully, I was in a better mood this morning, after watching a good serial.
“Don’t you have to go to work?” he asked.
“Oh yes, I had better go back and fetch my things,” I answered him.
And only then did I realize that the door had slammed on me upstairs. I wished I had given Dominic my new set of spare keys.
My heater spoilt today.
My pearl earrings were found in the kitchen fruit bowl, and my jade pendant was in the soap dish of my bathtub.
No, I do not have dementia. I am simply forgetful.
Chapter 19
He is not beneath the opera house, neither is he a phantom. He is merely a fragment of my imagination. He is not in my house; I am in my house.
They say that insanity is doing the same thing every day and hoping to get a different result. Tonight again I lit a candle at the altar and pray that Gary would come back and tell me the truth ….
Chapter 2
Amy was probably asleep when I came back. Her eyes were closed but the light was on. Instinctively I went to the bedside table and turned the light off. She moved a little without opening her eyes. I pulled the blanket over her shoulder as I felt the chill air blowing at her from the open window. And then I saw the note by the side of her pillow –
“Sorry I am sleepy!”
I picked up the note, put it inside the drawer together with all the other notes that she left for me. And then I went in to take a shower to wash away the layer of germs mapped on my body. I haven’t bathed for the entire day I smelt yeasty.
When I put the clothes in the washing machine, the sound of the machine churning came on, and Amy woke up.
“You are back?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. There was nothing more to add.
“How was your clinic?” she asked, the same question every time.
“Will you make me breakfast tomorrow morning?” with a tinge of hope I spoke.
“I try, then please wake me up tomorrow morning,” she spoke, her eyes still closed.
I knew then that she would not be awake tomorrow morning before I left for work.
Then I turned on the lamp by my side of the bed and I turned it off again when I have pulled the blanket over my face.
Outside, the moon was shining brightly as though telling me that this was going to be another long night.
Chapter 3
Amy and I lived at the Blue Oval Lodge. We have no children but two dogs. We called them Tommy and Harry. She brought them down to the estate grounds every evening at around 6:00 p.m. without fail. Esther would look for her if she didn’t. I would usually join them later after work when I have taken off my shrubs.
Esther was our neighbour at the other end of the estate block 7. Together with Gary they owned Max the bulldog. I didn’t want to insult its owner, but I must say that Gary’s face puffed up at the jaw, and he looked like his pet.
“Max stands for Maximillian” Esther proudly told me, as though exhibiting her knowledge of the English names. Maximillian is not a common name and is a little aristocrat. I would never have thought of such a name for my pet.
Esther was not pretty by the conventional standards. Her eyes are slightly too far apart but they were bright, very forward looking. Whenever she saw me, her face beamed up like a star. And I couldn’t say that I didn’t like her. On the contrary, Gary was sulky and expressionless if not withdrawn. I couldn’t say that they make a compatible couple.
We have four dogs here.
The other furry companion was owned by Joyce and Mark. Mark was a financial consultant. His business was to make people park their monies with him. I have not had the chance to ask him where he worked. But I assumed it to be a multinational company, judging by the way he talked. His wife Joyce was always hoping to buy another house.
I barely earned enough to cover all my expenses since Amy didn’t work. Amy’s depression has been withheld from the neighbours. To all intends and purposes, Amy passed off as a healthy, energetic young woman. We told everyone that she was not working simply because she didn’t need to, that our house was mortgage free.
“But won’t she feel bored at home?” the query popped up ever so often.
To which Amy would reply, “No, I have plenty of things to do at home, for one, I read a lot,”
“Then what books do you read?” Esther would ask.
“All sorts,” Amy would reply, without naming any specific titles.
And then the topic of conversation would end there, moving onto the daily news.
“A man threw his dog down the balcony. Did you see that in the news?” Esther raised.
“Such a sadist, he ought to be put in jail,” Amy replied.
“Yup, a beast!” Joyce added.
“I wonder how many storeys the owner threw his dog down from?” Amy got excited.
“Yup, the news report didn’t mention, I wonder if you throw Tommy down from your fifth story he would die on the spot?” Esther carried on.
“Throw Tommy?! How could you think of a thing like that?!” Amy exclaimed; her eyes rolled big.
“No lah, of course not! I love Tommy too!” Esther retorted.
“Amy, do you love Tommy more or Harry more?” Joyce pestered on.
And then they continued with the banter ….
On the other side, Mark was trying to persuade me to put one hundred thousand with him in some unit trusts. I didn’t bother to note the name of the counters, as I didn’t have one hundred thousand to spare. Every cent was spent on housekeeping, according to Amy.
We chatted, and then when it was time to have dinner, we parted ways, each party back to their own units in the same estate.
Night fell, and I turned on the lamp standing by the side of the fireplace to illuminate the house.
When I went into the bedroom Amy had already taken her pill and was falling asleep on the large floral sheets. I could see that she wasn’t interested in talking to me anymore.
Once again, I asked myself why I married Amy.
Chapter 4
Because I was the department head. No one in the St Peter’s Hospital liked to enter the lift with me, and as I did not like to be in the lift alone, I always took the stairs. It was ok, my clinic was only on the third level, but that walking down the stairs was less demanding than going up, so that I would still take the lift sometimes.
This morning the moment I went into the lift, I saw two women inside, I pressed the button on the panel to go up. Then I heard one of the women say,
“Mom, don’t worry, I will be waiting outside.”
I looked at the older woman and remembered that she saw me at my clinic last week. She had stage 3 breast cancer and I was supposed to do a biopsy on her.
Chapter 5
I went to work without checking on Amy. Amy always kept a book by her side, she relied on it to stop her mind from straying. Normally I would pick up the book to see how far she has progressed. And then I would be able to tell if she was unhappy.
Amy was a painter. If you came to our house, you would see large paintings of scenes in China. Her works were all imaginary and I can assure you that she had never been to China. But she did have some talent. Her colours were a dark grey but her subjects were by no means opaque. They presented a clear and, if I may say so, theme of a tormented soul. It served as nothing except to remind me that she was abandoned by her parents since her childhood.
Chapter 6
The words from her mouth rang in my ears repeatedly – “why did you kill my mother?”
“No, I swear, …. it was unintentional …. the oxygen in her brain ran out …”
“But why? Didn’t you know that she needed oxygen?”
“No, not at that point in time ….”
It was the woman with breast cancer.
I fumbled on my words, and I woke up in a stark.
Amy was just lying beside me, but I couldn’t wake her. She has taken those pills; she couldn’t wake up.
I got up from my bed, slowly walked to the kitchen to get some light, before drinking a glass of water to calm myself down.
How did I report on this regular occurrence of nightmares?
I was a doctor, but in this instance, I felt like seeing a shrink.
Maybe I should consult Amy’s doctor, I told myself. And then I crawled back into bed and pulled the sheets to cover myself from the wind that came after midnight.
Chapter 7
I almost tripped on an orange that rolled down right in front of me. Automatically I picked it up and looked around. I saw a large burner in front of the rubbish refuse collection point. A man was throwing some papers onto the fire, and he had some other oranges spread on the floor in front of the burner.
Tentatively I walked up to him.
“Can I help you?” he said.
I knew it was a substitute for don’t disturb me.
So, I quickly said, “Your orange,”
“Oh, you could pass it to me, it’s not meant to be eaten,” he added.
Of course, it was not meant to be eaten! I muttered under my breath.
Then I was suddenly awakened to the fact that this was the month of the hungry ghost. The Chinese festivities were being carried out. I choked on the smoke from the burner and used my hand to cover my nose.
“I will be done soon, not to worry,” the man said, and then, “you do not have any late relatives, do you?”
“Err, no, …. but I actually have a patient who died recently ….” I couldn’t help saying.
“You could use this burner if you want, it’s not private property,” the man said, he was wearing a black top and a pair of torn white pants.
This was out of my character. I was not a Buddhist, burning incense is not my habit, whatever I might have owed the deceased. At most, I could make out a sum to support the deceased’s family. But as I said, the operation was an accident. I had a consent form that day and I did my best. The rest was pure chance. Chan Ming Ming’s daughter had already said that she wasn’t going to sue the hospital. She knew that she had no case.
Feeling slightly disgusted, I walked away from the scene.
“I won’t be here tomorrow!” the man yelled after me.
Chapter 8
We gathered ourselves at the Blue Oval Lodge playground again. This has become a nightly ritual except for the rain. None of us here observed the seven-month hungry ghost festival. But Esther had a bright suggestion – shall we visit one of the graveyards?
“Sounds spooky to me!” Amy replied immediately.
“I have never seen a ghost, this would be the best time to see if they actually exist,” Esther said.
“And what if they did?” Joyce asked.
“They have supernatural powers, maybe they could help us in some ways if we talk to them nicely,” Esther argued.
“I can tell you now, I have no special needs,” I quickly answered.
“We can drive there, and look see,” Gary was keen.
“Ok, who wants to participate?” Esther the eager one.
“Not us, we are superstitious,” Joyce rejected the idea on behalf on Mark.
“Not a problem! Then just the four of us,” Esther quickly confirmed the plan.
Chapter 9
On the twenty-second of August, we finally found our way to the Faber Green graveyard.
Outside the car, I took a deep breath. After the rain I could feel a layer of ozone fresh and invigorating, even if we were at a God forsaken place.
The minute we got away from the car further into the uninhabited grounds, Gary turned to me,
“How often do you do it?” his voice a whisper.
Do what? I was flabbergasted. I knew what he meant.
“I guess as often as the situation calls for it,” I did not keep a record of the number of times and how regularly Amy and I slept together.
“I know that Esther is yearning for a child,” Gary said.
“I know that too,” I replied, almost like a retort.
“But God has His own timing,” I added.
“Indeed,” Gary looked pensive.
“Are you unhappy with Esther?” it seemed like the right time to probe.
“No, why. Of course not. Esther is a good wife.” Gary said it with a kind of determination that made his affirmation sound false.
“Are you unhappy?” he added.
I decided not to open my mouth. Anything I said further might jeopardize my relationship with Amy. Gary might talk to Esther, and Esther talked to Amy. One of them might decide to cross the line.
The night became still, and I couldn’t help but feel a presence behind Gary. I wanted to tell him to turn around and look, but before I could warn him, the figure vanished. I felt a chill, the hot air suddenly became cold.
Finally, when we reached the end of the valley where no more tombs were erected, Gary grabbed my arm and I turned back. I saw his urgency and sensed that there was more than what it looked on the surface – an evening stroll between two good friends.
I knew then that it was a watershed moment.
Silence dominated the atmosphere. The entire place was humid and without breeze. Then Gary opened his mouth,
“I am diagnosed with cancer,” he spoke as though finding difficulty spilling out the words.
“Cancer!”
“What kind of cancer?”
“Brain.”
“Oh dear! Brain cancer is incurable!” I fell, almost leaned on a tombstone.
“Does Esther know this?” my immediate concern.
“No,” Gary said.
“And how long more do you have?” my next question.
“Less than one year …. I am not sure …. the doctor said it is still at the initial stage ….” I could hear the thin line of panic that laced his words.
“I am really sorry to hear about this,” I said, emphasizing the word sorry, and I had to refrain myself from saying, “Yes, brain cancer is very fast.”
“Anyway, my purpose in telling you is that I would like you to look after Esther for me, you know after all, she is an only child, and her parents are no longer around,”
“Yes! Yes! Of course, I would,” I said, with a kind of excitement that I couldn’t believe myself saying.
“Here is my cheque,” Gary took out a piece of paper, “it is the sum I think you would need to bury me,”
“Please take care of all the arrangements,” he made it sound as though it was going to happen tomorrow.
Automatically I accepted the note. In the dark I couldn’t figure out how much the cheque was for. I thought it would be bad-mannered to ask now. But Gary addressed my concern,
“Will twenty thousand dollars be enough?”
“I really don’t know,” I said, and then I muttered under my breath, “God forbid! Haven’t buried anyone before ….”
Now we have almost reached the car, where we parked it, the two women were still inside, presumably having a good chat.
One of them saw us coming, I think it was Amy, and she came out to open Gary’s door at the driver’s side.
At the same time, Esther came out to open my side of the door.
We promptly climbed into our seats. The purpose of the meeting has been achieved, as far as Gary was concerned.
“You are back so soon! We are not done yet!” Esther and Amy exclaimed at the same time.
And then, almost immediately, “What did the two of you talk about?” Esther asked. She was always the more gregarious one.
“Nothing bad about you and Amy,” I said, I felt I had to cover up for Gary.
“Luckily it didn’t rain,” Gary quickly changed the topic.
“Are you two hungry enough to eat steak yet?” Gary was more practical.
“Yay! I want my medium rare,” Esther yelled.
“I want my steak well done,” Amy quickly made her preference known.
“Ok, one medium rare, one well done, and Gary?” I said as I took the order.
“Rare,” Gary said, “You forgot?”
“Just in case you have changed your mind, Gary,” I said, but actually I had forgotten. I could never remember if it was Esther or Gary who wanted the steak medium rare.
Gary started the engine, and I sat in silence thinking of his appeal to me to look after Esther. I felt languish and was not sure if I wanted to do this, although earlier on I found no reason to refuse him. It sounded reasonable enough.
In the end we landed ourselves in Rare or Well Done, and as usual Gary foot the bill.
Once back at Blue Oval Lodge Amy went straight to the bathroom to wash up, and without procrastination I took Tommy and Harry down to the grounds for a walk. The dogs peed themselves at their regular favourite lampposts.
When I came back upstairs, Amy was already sound asleep.
Chapter 10
If you think that I married Amy because of her culinary skills, then you are very wrong.
Amy could only cook very simple dishes. Sometimes she simply fried beansprouts with chili and garlic. Other times, she dumped ready made fish balls into water and turned it into a soup. I marveled at her ingenuity in cooking such lazy dishes.
Usually, the pungent smell of garlic and ginger greeted me from the kitchen as I turned the key in the doorknob. Tonight, as I walked further in straight to the kitchen, no one was there. Amy was not in her usual station by the sink. Nonetheless I wasn’t alarmed.
As I opened the bedroom door, I found Esther sitting on the bed with Amy. The two women greeted me the moment they saw me, one more enthusiastic than the other. I was surprised but not disappointed.
I always welcomed Esther’s presence. She seemed to pay more attention to what I say rather than Amy. And she always went along with what I said. There was this distinct feeling that I got, not very concrete, but certain enough to be able to say that Esther liked me. Of course, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure. It was just a hinge.
On the other hand, I couldn’t say that Amy liked Gary.
“So good that you are back early, sorry I haven’t cooked dinner, can we eat out?” Amy asked.
“Of course, we have a guest here,” I said, turning to Esther,
“You don’t have to look after Gary today?”
“No, not for tonight, he has gone out with some friends.” Esther looked slightly downcast.
“Come, let’s all go out, but let me change out of this first,” I promised the two young women, and walked towards the wardrobe.
Once we settled the dogs, we were ready to leave.
“Suggest a place,” I ordered the two.
“Anywhere is good for me, I am easy” Esther offered.
“Ok, then I would suggest The Winsor Café,” Amy liked that café, it was not too expensive.
“Fine with me,” Esther had no objection.
“Ok, then it shall be The Winsor Café.” I was too tired to think of another place. In any case, The Winsor Café was nearby so there was no need to take out the car.
We were just about to start on our main course when Esther suddenly said, “Gary doesn’t want it anymore,”
Amy and I looked at each other, pretending not to comprehend what she meant.
But Esther was resolved, and she persevered, “I even told him that I wanted a child,”
Amy, all full of eagerness, asked, “Did he say no?”
“No, of course not. We agreed that we should have a child by this year end,” Esther answered.
“You don’t have much time left this is November already!” Amy was dead serious.
I listened to the two. At the back of my mind, I knew what the problem was. Gary was having the cancer now; he shouldn’t have sex. He was planning on a departure; he won’t want to burden Esther with an offspring. I kept quiet, I knew I had to say something, but I also knew that I couldn’t speak the truth. Esther would have to find out about Gary’s condition from Gary himself, even if Gary didn’t want to tell her. I was an outsider, I shouldn’t interfere.
“There must be a reason,” I said, “Maybe he was just tired,”
“That is a lame excuse,” Esther answered, “Gary used to need it twice a week,”
“Ok, now I know! Gary is having an affair!” Amy made a shocking discovery.
“What can I do about it? I have no evidence!” Esther followed suit.
“Hire a P.I.?” Amy suggested.
“Who’s going to pay for it? I am using Gary’s credit card, he is bound to find out,” Esther lamented.
“Then let me help you there, I would pay for it first until you find out the truth,” my wife was most helpful.
At this point I felt I had to interject, “Hey, this is too premature. You can’t hire a P.I. just because your husband is not sleeping with you. You have not seen this so-called mistress, have you?”
“You men are always protecting each other!” Esther looked annoyed.
“Why don’t we just give it a few more weeks?” I suggested. By this time Gary might have found the courage to confide in Esther.
This seemed to have worked. Esther decided to take my advice and she promptly picked up her fork and put a chunk of beef into her mouth to stop talking. I gave Amy the look that says, please don’t talk about it anymore.
“Milk for your coffee?” Amy spread a layer of steamed milk onto Esther’s cup, and I watched the float find its way into the brown liquid before calling for the bill.
Chapter 11
I knew that sooner or later I had to confront the deceased’s next-of-kin.
I saw her. The next-of-kin. Sitting on the yellow bench, she looked forlorn at the waiting area. I wanted to walk back to my clinic to avoid her, but she stood up right in front of me,
“Are you Dr Phillip Chow Eng Huat?” she asked.
“Sorry, you can call me Dr Phillip. What can I do for you?” I don’t normally use my Chinese name, how could she have known?
“I am the deceased’s only wife, his next-of-kin,” she started, as though the man could have had two wives.
“Did you deliberately let him die?” she continued, as though I was some witness on the stand.
“Doctors are not saints. they are no different from any man that you see on the streets,” I could only say this to her.
Yes, another patient of mine had died.
Chapter 12
Yes, I didn’t know why. But more than one patient had died this month. I had begun to wonder if it had been bad luck, and whether one of the unseen beings had followed me from the graveyard that night back into the hospital with me.
I must set the record straight. I am a doctor and an oncologist, not a cold-blooded murderer. The patients who came to see me already had a ticket to heaven, or hell, wherever he was bound. I could only delay the formation of more tumours, thus to some extent cure. I am not a miracle healer and have never professed to be one. Although some patients do get cure contrary to prognosis. How could the bereaved families come to look for me and blame me for something beyond my control?
So that I had decided to use the song by Elaine Paige “I Know Him So Well” during my operations. The lyrics “…. perfect situations must go wrong ….” befitting my frame of mind.
Chapter 13
It had become a nightly occurrence for Esther to drop by for dinner with Amy and I, the three of us would stroll down to The Winsor Café. The waitress also need not take our orders and food was automatically served after a simple hello.
Amy was very happy about this situation, as she need not cook. Cooking has never been her forte anyway. Esther on the other hand, was no longer her gregarious, confident self. I often found her deep in thought during mid-conversation. Of course, I knew what the problem was, and it would have been insincere of me to ask.
“Is Gary working late tonight?” Amy asked.
“Of course, otherwise he would have joined us,” Esther would reply.
This dialogue happened at least once every evening.
And then I would distract them by telling them about the current news on the basis that neither of them had read the day’s newspapers.
Chapter 14
Tonight, as I walked Tommy and Harry, I took a detour. Instead of turning back when I saw the pool, I went further down the estate to the playground, where the six of us usually gathered in the evenings. From the ground I could see Esther and Gary’s house on the seventh storey, and I noticed that they have already put up their Christmas lights at the balcony.
I wondered if Gary’s cancer is manifesting its symptoms by now and if he had told Esther about his condition. Whatever it was, Esther will have to know about it sooner or later. The fact remained that Gary’s time was running out.
I didn’t normally pray, but this time I looked up to the sky and asked the Almighty to do something to save the poor couple. I saw myself on an ocean liner on the high seas and Esther and Gary were on a boat amidst the choppy sea. They looked like they were drowning, and I tried to reach out to them, but my liner was sailing further away from their boat. And then I heard Tommy and Harry barked. The two dogs often barked at the same time.
“Why are you here?” Esther appeared in front of me, her hand holding Max on the leash.
“Oh, I am just walking Tommy and Harry,” I said.
“But why are you in this part of the estate?” she questioned, and then she continued,
“I am not saying that you can’t come here, after all this is common grounds …. but you don’t normally venture here!”
“Gary is not asleep yet? I could only ask, without giving out more information.
“He is out with a friend,” Esther replied.
“Listen, I think I should tell you ….” and then I gave up. My common sense came back to me, I had promised Gary that I would keep it a secret. If Gary knew that I had told Esther about his cancer, he might confront me, or not see me anymore, I didn’t know which was worse.
“It’s late, let’s go back,” I said, I suddenly thought of Amy waiting for me in the house.
“Ok, goodnight, Phillip, see you tomorrow!” Esther was still her cheerful self.
Chapter 15
If you tell me that Amy never loved me, chances were that I won’t believe you. I courted her at twenty-one when we were both in the university, not assiduously, although with a certain amount of effort. She was not particularly good in her studies, and it was my offer of extra tuition for her that gave me time with her alone. And over time, I learnt that she had no idea that she was pretty at all. We held a freshie queen contest amongst us guys and nine out of ten said that she topped the list.
But that was in the past, now Amy was my wife. I had no complains about her except that she was depressed most of the time. The only time that she seemed to be alive was when she was with the neighbours downstairs. Was it the company of Esther and Gary that cheered her up? Or was it Joyce and Mark? I had no idea. Nevertheless, I allowed myself to believe that Amy married me because she loved me.
But recently, I found Amy to be putting on makeup just before she went down. She had also found it necessary to polish her nails, a habit which she had never had before. I won’t say that it was a bad habit, just that it seemed a little odd. Apart from that, Amy had also started to keep her hair long. She used to have shoulder length hair, but it had become much longer now.
Amy was on the pill. And the pill changes in prolactin level affecting hormonal balance thus causing infertility. She could not get pregnant. I knew about her condition before we married, and I have already resigned to the fact that we will never have children.
Once Amy was out of the shower, we could go down to the playground. Tommy and Harry were waiting for us.
Now she looked radiant, I could see her cheeks, more rosy than usual, and I was just wondering if she found a new brand of rouge. The pink seemed the be the right shade.
I was not a woman, so I wouldn’t know how Amy thinks. But for a married woman to be so concerned about how she looked, it seemed odd. But it was unlikely that Amy was seeing someone. She hardly went out, neither did she have any close friends.
Chapter 16
My conscience has been speaking to me. I finally knew that I had to tell her. I must tell Esther that her husband was dying of cancer. Gary was being unfair to Esther. How could he not let his wife know of such an important fact? This concerned her future. They have no children, and Esther was young, she could still marry again.
The thought compelled me, lately it had become so imminent that I felt I couldn’t put it off until the next day, or the day after.
I felt that I had to see Esther that day. I had wanted to get it off my chest for a long time. Gary cannot lie to Esther about his condition forever. Even if the cancer was slow moving, sooner or later it would manifest. It would be wiser to let Esther know that he was ill and for her to look after him. Maybe in that way it could delay the formation of his tumors.
I paid Esther a visit. Never mind that it was Christmas Day and that usually only families came.
From the lift lobby I could hear the chatter of people talking and the music that accompanied the background. I paused and for a while I did wonder if I should go in. But urgency got the better of me, and I decided to pound on the door. I said “pound”, because I knew that I needed to make some noise loud enough for the occupant inside to hear me, since it seemed to be boisterous. But, with the purpose that I was visiting, I should have chosen a quieter moment, when no one else except Esther was around. It should never have been a Christmas Day. Gary was likely to be at home.
It took almost an instant. The door was opened, but only half opened, leaving no room for doubt that my visit was unwelcomed.
“Did you forget something?” the voice from inside was loud enough for me, despite the accompanying noises.
“Oh … err … is Esther, isn’t it?” I asked, somewhat tentatively, my voice I put it at medium range, not too loud and not too soft.
“Ok, let me get your handphone for you,” Esther said again.
This time it was clear that Esther had mistook me for someone else, most likely Gary.
“No, I am not your husband Gary,” I said, emphasizing the word “husband”.
“Then what on earth ….” the door opened, revealing an Esther in a night dress.
It was already past 11:00 am, and if you were looking at the clock now, you might have seen the long minute hand moving towards the short hour hand to coincide at the twelve number. I thought I was late enough.
I had expected Esther to shut the door leaving me standing outside. And then let me in again after she had gone to change into something more modest. But no, she said,
“Come on in, Gary had just gone out to get the newspapers, I don’t know why they didn’t deliver this morning. Perhaps our neighbour next door picked up our copy.”
“Is it convenient?” I asked.
“Not at all. I will just go down and grab something then come up again,” she said.
My heart was pounding, and I think it was beating at close to a hundred heartbeat. And although it was the cold wintry season, my face was getting the hot flushes. I think I was one of the gingerbread men that just came out of the oven.
“No, wait, Esther,” I said, taking her by the arm.
You must tell her! You must tell her the truth!
The voice inside me was saying.
To my surprise, Esther did not move away, instead she turned to face me,
“Phillip, finally ….”
“Yes, I came here ….” I swallowed what I had wanted to say. I saw Esther’s eyes. They called it “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed” and they were watery; I could almost see my own reflection in them.
“Come, let’s go down to the bedroom,” Esther used her other hand to pull at my hand that I grabbed her with.
So mesmerizing and tantalizing. There was no doubt about it. I was taught to cure in medical school, I don’t know how to break a heart. Esther had wanted me to make a proposition. Even an idiot would have realized it. And only a fool would walk away from this moment ….
I tried to inject some humour. “Wait! What if Gary comes home suddenly?”
“He has gone out for an assignment and won’t be back until late tonight. I think he took his handphone with him.” Those were the final words Esther said before we took off our clothes ……
Chapter 17
I took a long walk back to my unit. Although it was only three blocks away, I took half an hour, pausing at every garden lamp that marked the lone and darkened path.
Amy was asleep when I arrived at home.
That gave me some time to think of what my next moves should be. I will no doubt have to see Gary again, as our respective spouses were on friendly neighbourly terms. It would be difficult to hide our clandestine affair. The fact that it happened on a holy day was the sheer irony of it.
Gary was a respectable professional so there was no doubt that he must have a sizable amount of money in his bank account. He probably had bought several insurance policies naming Esther as the beneficiary. Apart from that there was also the house that they owned.
The purpose for which I dropped over at Gary’s house was not achieved. Esther still did not know that Gary was having the dreadful cancer. Or did she already know and that was why she initiated the affair? After all it was not unwise for the spouse to secure a next-in-line before the incumbent died. Whether I liked it or not, I had unwittingly walked into this role.
For the first time I looked at Amy’s sleeping body with detachment. She was no longer the only woman that I loved and cared for. My upper most concern now was how to keep my relationship with Esther under wraps, and if Esther would be able to manage the rest of her life with Gary’s money.
But it also occurred to me that Gary might change his mind about his money if he should come to know of my one-night stand with Esther. Or was it going to be more nights?
Out of habit I picked up the book by the side of Amy’s bed. It was still on page 86. Amy hasn’t turned the pages.
Finally, I turned off the light at my side of the bed and fretted the night away.
Chapter 18
Although I had always thought that Esther was attractive, sleeping with her was something that I had never dreamt of. Now that it has happened, I was not only shocked by my own acquiescence of Esther’s provocation, but also at my own lack of will power.
For the first time at dinner, I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that anything I said would have revealed the episode, I wasn’t stupid enough to confess to Amy.
“How was the soup tonight?” Amy asked, in an attempt to make conversation, as usual.
“Oh, nice,” I said, “haven’t tasted something so special for a long time,”
“Gary! I cooked it just last night! What you mean not for a long time?!” Amy reproached me.
I finished my dinner and went away to watch television. They were showing the Taleban celebrating in Afghanistan.
Chapter 19
The Chinese New Year came in late this year. I took out my new year decorations and put them up at the usual places. My house was small and it was always the same red lantern and the large sign of 福 that I kept year after year. This was supposed to be Amy’s job. I was getting tired of it and wondering if I should go out and look for new decorations. The mandarin oranges I decided not to buy until a week before the first day so that they could last throughout the fifteen days.
So, it was a surprise when Esther rang me on my handphone. We didn’t usually need to call each other since we met at the playground by default. In any case we were just neighbours our houses were only a few blocks away from each other.
But Esther sounded urgent. Her tone of voice was a little more excited than usual. She said without preface,
“Phillip, I need to see you as soon as possible,”
“How soon is that? I can’t walk away now, I have a patient coming up in half an hour,” I said, rather impatiently.
“No, this is more urgent, maybe after your patient you can call me, and then I tell you where to meet,” she replied.
“Does Amy need to be around?” I asked, I was still hoping for another rendezvous.
“Of course not!” I could hear Esther’s exclamation on the other side of the line.
“Ok, meet me at the hospital café at 5:00 pm, then we can go home together.” I concluded.
Chapter 20
I loved my wife, Amy. Amy was pretty by anyone’s standards. She has a perfect oval face, and her features fitted nicely into it without them out doing the other. You only need to look at her once, and you would remember her when you saw her again. Apart from that, her voice was distinct with a kind of unique resonance. Many people considered me lucky in securing her hand, and even now, friends still envied me.
But Esther was different. She was vivacious, lively and her presence exuded energy and force. I was very taken in by her, but not in love with her. It was just some kind of infatuation. What happened on Christmas Day was totally out of character. I had meant to warn her, to tell her that her husband was dying, so that she would treat him differently, perhaps not as a dying man, but to give him some allowance. Yes, allowance was the word!
But the plot turned out to be otherwise. Instead, Esther has now become my mistress. With the imminent arrival of our baby, this was certainly not a welcoming prospect. I lived in jittery, fearful that in any of the things I said or did in our daily encounter, it would reveal the secret.
Yes, Esther told me that she was pregnant.
But Esther was a good actress. She behaved very normally, showing no special treatment or intimacy towards me whenever the six of us Gary, Esther, Joyce and Mark, Amy and myself were together.
Chapter 21
The thoughts of a dying man were often bizarre and incomprehensible. This evening Gary told us that he planned to knock down the wall between their bedroom and the study. On top of that, Gary had moved to the guest room in his house.
I began to wonder if Gary had found out that Esther and I had slept on Christmas Day. They have no CCTV I was sure of that. I did not see anyone at the lift lobby when I went in and when I left. No one could have seen us. Unless it was Max. But how could Max convey what he saw – that Esther was on the bed with me, to its owner Gary? It was inconceivable!
Ok, no use guessing. Fact was that Esther was now pregnant. She told me that the baby was my child, but I only have her word for it. Esther might have slept with Gary on the very same night that I went over to their house on Christmas Day. I couldn’t deny paternal hood, that would have been cruel.
But assuming that the baby was Gary’s child, I would still be willing to take over as the father of the child. I had promised Gary that I would look after Esther.
In any case, Gary was dying, not that of my doing but that of his own ill health. I was beginning to look forward to Gary’s death. I started reading books on fatherhood and books on babies first years. Amy was always depressed living in her own world she did not realize what was coming.
Chapter 22
I longed for Esther. But no sooner than I had entertained the thought, I realized that my duty and loyalty lay with Amy. Amy was my first love, my childhood sweetheart from college days, and she helped me in many ways in my career. No, I could not betray Amy. But fact was that I had already done so. I tried to blame Esther for the deceit but deep down I knew that I had wanted it too. There was nothing in that house that prevented me from pushing Esther away. I could have rejected her.
Of course, I couldn’t tell Amy about what happened on Christmas Day. That would have been a disaster. It would send Amy into further depression. She might even demand a divorce if not confront Esther. They were such good friends. I had to protect our marriage, and that of Gary and Esther as well.
I couldn’t help but recall the moments that I had spent with Esther. The scenes at her house kept replaying in my mind. Why was I so weak? What was it at the time that made me succumb to Esther’s provocation? And to think that I was a happily married man. I resolved that Amy must never know about this. It would hurt her deeply and hurt our relationship. No woman could tolerate her husband’s infidelity. Amy was no exception.
The daily playground meet had turned into a nightmare, it was no longer a merry gathering but a troublesome affair. I could not look into Gary’s eyes without a sense of guilt. He had told me to look after his wife when he was gone, but instead of which I had taken advantage of a dying man’s plea. I had slept with his wife even before he had vacated himself on his side of the bed. I was nothing but a lousy, wicked opportunist.
To make matters worse, Esther’s pregnancy had made it imminent for me to make a choice between she and Amy.
Chapter 23
On the fifth anniversary between Amy and myself, I went ahead to Q.E. Jewelers to buy a gift for Amy. Amy had always liked jewelry. I chose an emerald ring as I noticed that Amy had outgrown all the other old ones that she had. I wanted to renew our wedding vows, never mind that I was going to be the father of the child of another woman. Who said that a man cannot have two wives?
After all, it was just one moment of weakness, done one time ….
Chapter 24
I did not hear Tommy and Harry bark as I came in.
Quietly, without making a noise I peeped into the house. The lamp stood at the side of the fireplace, waiting for me to come back to turn it off. But what greeted me was an odourless stale sense of loss. I ignored it, as I felt a sense of urgency to go down to see if Amy was there. I wanted to put the present by her side of the bed to surprise her. No sound. “Yes, she is asleep,” I told myself. I took the steps down to the bedroom where I expected Amy to be – on the bed with Tommy and Harry by the foot …
The dogs did not make a sound. Usually, they would jump up immediately to welcome me home. I did not notice anything unusual besides that. But then something was not quite right. Her side lamp was off.
“Why did she turn it off?” I asked myself. Usually, she left it on to wait for me. It was so dark I didn’t notice that Amy’s face was ashen green. And there was no breath coming out from her mouth.
I picked up the note by the side of her pillow.
Her phone by the side table rang. It was from an unknown caller. I picked it up straight away in case it disturbed the sleeping body.
“Hello,” tentatively I greeted the caller.
It was silent on the other end for a while. And then the caller hung up.
Alarmed, I wanted to see if it was meant for Amy. I tapped her on the shoulder. Her body did not move. And then I tried to turn her around to face me. I was eager to tell her that I still loved her.
But her body was stiff. And then I looked into her eyes. She was not asleep; her eyes were wide open. But she did not see me. Amy was dead.
The note from Amy read:
“Esther told me the truth. So, I have decided to release you from the trouble of filing for divorce and the burden of having to look after me and our child. God Bless!”
Chapter 25
I helped Esther pull down the shade to shield little Alicia’s body from the sun. After a few cries the little girl stopped making a fuss. I went ahead of mother and baby to sit down at the bench in the park. Esther’s hat flew away, and I got up to pick it up. Afterwards I buried my head in the book “The Heart Has Its Reasons” by Wallis Simpson. I thought of the night at the graveyard again, Gary telling me to look after Esther. And now I knew, it was Gary’s wish. He knew that Esther and I were in love with each other, and he willingly abdicated. Nothing could replace Esther and Alicia now. I had not done a paternity test. I always believed that Alicia was my child as I wiped a tear from my eye. Doctors were also allowed to feel with their hearts, for they were only human.
It didn’t matter if Alicia was really mine. As I have learnt from my parents, the true story was the one you believed.
The scene of the play takes place in the house of David Summers in Singapore in December 2021. The house is three storeys, and the dining room is on the first floor. You must go through the living room and then walk up a few steps before you reach the dining room on the right. If you go further in, you see the kitchen.Apart from the television there is also a piano in the house.
ACT I
Scene: It is Saturday afternoon about 3:00 p.m. in the dining room and the curtains are drawn. Adrian, Ai Jia, andBernard are seated at the dining table. David is playing the piano.
Adrian (yawns): I had a good sleep last night.
Bernard (to Adrian): So, was it good?
Adrian (to Bernard): What do you mean was it good?
Bernard (to Adrian): I mean, did you have a good sleep last night?
Ai Jia (pours tea for herself): He just said he did, what’s wrong with you Bernard?
Bernard (to Ai Jia): It’s unfair of you to say that of me.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): What Bernard is trying to find out is if you slept with Corrine last night.
Adrian (looks at Bernard): This is absurd!
Enter Walter.
Walter: Good morning, everyone!
Adrian (to Walter): A fine day this is.
Bernard (to Walter): Yes, indeed it is fine. Did you bring what I asked you to buy?
Walter (hands a McDonald’s bag to Bernard): There you are, Bernard, I brought you your favourite ham and cheeseburger.
Bernard (opens the bag): This is not what I wanted, I asked for roast beef croissant.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Just take it, Walter is doing you a favour.
Bernard (to Walter): No, I specifically asked for roast beef croissant.
Adrian (to Bernard): Walter must have forgotten.
Bernard (to Ai Jia): How could he forget a simple thing like that?
Walter (to Ai Jia): Sorry, this was your order, pointing to the cheeseburger.
Ai Jia (to Walter): Thanks!
Walter (sits down): By the way, have you noticed the cashiers at the supermarket lately?
Adrian (to Walter): What about them?
Walter (to Bernard): They are kind of weird.
Bernard (picks up the cheeseburger): Weird? In what way?
Walter (to Bernard): I was buying avocados, and as it was on offer right at the front entrance, naturally I picked it up.
Ai Jia (to Walter): And then, that was normal, no weird at all!
Walter (to Bernard.): The lady.
Bernard (to Walter): Which lady?
Walter (to Bernard): Her name was Jasmine Tan.
Bernard (to Walter): So? That is a common name.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): I can confirm that; Jasmine is a common name. It’s a Chinese flower.
Walter (to Bernard): No, she was very keen on explaining things to me.
Bernard (to Walter): Explain?
Walter (to Ai Jia): Yes, she kept telling me that the avocados were a “buy-one-get-one-free”.
At this time David stopped playing the piano and he joins in the conversation.
David: But won’t that be normal?
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Indeed. It was her job.
Walter (to Ai Jia): Whatever. But the way she said it, it was a little over-emphasised, if you know what I mean.
David (to Walter): Was it spoken in English or Chinese?
Bernard (gets up and goes to the piano): How does the language play a part in her behaviour?
Walter: (to Bernard): English.
Bernard (to Walter): So, it wasn’t abnormal. She knew that you don’t like to speak in Chinese.
Walter (to Bernard): I guess so. But how would she know my language preference just by looking at my appearance.
Ai Jia (to Walter): No need to get annoyed. This is her lexicon.
Adrian (opens the bag as well): Ok, now that my brunch has arrived, may I start eating first?
Ai Jia (pours tea): No, it is tea, not brunch.
Adrian (to Ai Jia): You mean it is already 3:00 p.m.?
Bernard (to Adrian): Yes of course, you think you are still in the U.K.?
Adrian (to Ai Jia): That means that I overslept.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): Yes, what time did you go to bed last night?
Adrian (to Bernard): I can’t remember when I dozed off to sleep. Was Netflixing.
Bernard (to Adrian): And what was the name of the drama?
Adrian (to Bernard, slightly crossed): Hey, why do I need to tell you?
Ai Jia (to Bernard): He can’t remember.
Bernard (to Ai Jia): Adrian is getting old.
Adrian (to Bernard): Of course not. How old are you?
Walter (to Adrian): I am older than Bernard.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Don’t you want to eat your cheeseburger, Adrian? Or is it ham burger?
Walter (rather annoyed): It is ham and cheese.
Bernard (to Adrian): Oh yeah, let’s get to the point. What were you watching last night before you went to bed?
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Let him. He can’t remember.
Adrian (to Ai Jia): Who says I can’t remember? It was “The Journalist”.
Walter (to Adrian): Oh yes, I used to be a journalist before I came here.
Bernard (to Walter): What has this got to do with Adrian’s movie?
Ai Jia (sipping her tea): So, this is Jasmine tea.
Bernard (to Ai Jia): No, it’s not. It is Ceylon tea. Jasmine tea is Chinese tea, not Ceylon tea.
Adrian goes to the table, picks up the teapot and he looks at the tag.
Adrian (to Ai Jia): It is Jasmine tea.
Walter (to Adrian): But how can you be so sure?
Bernard (to Ai Jia): Did Corrine pour the tea in front of you?
Exit Ai Jia. She goes to the kitchen and looks for Corrine.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT II
Scene: It is Sunday morning about 10:00 a.m. in the dining room and the curtains are drawn as usual. Adrian, Ai Jia, andWalter are seated at the dining table. They are waiting for David to come in and play the piano.
Enter Bernard.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): You were talking about Jasmine.
Bernard (sitting down): Oh yes Jasmine. What about Jasmine? Did she annoy you again Walter?
Walter (to Bernard): She couldn’t have, she wasn’t there.
Ai Jia (to Walter): I know that flower. It is native to Iran, not a Chinese flower.
Adrian (to Ai Jia): Then why would the Chinese people want to call themselves Jasmine?
Bernard (shakes his head): Beats me, neither do I.
Enter David.
David (holds a cigar): Good morning, everyone!
Bernard (to David): Did you sleep well last night?
David (goes to the piano,looking puzzled): For sure I did. This question should be directed at Adrian!
Bernard (to Adrian): And what did you sleep on this time?
Adrian (shakes his head): Let me think. I think it was “The Journalist”.
Ai Jia (to Adrian with disapproval): “The Journalist” again?
Adrian (to Ai Jia): It’s in Japanese. Walter, where is my roast beef croissant today?
Bernard (to Adrian): Walter is not your butler!
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Of course, Adrian knows.
David (puts his cigar down, goes to the piano): The robot ate up my food today.
Bernard (to David): That’s insane. How can a robot eat your food?
Ai Jia (to Bernard): David must have fed him.
David (shakes his head): Rubbish! I did no such thing.
Adrian (to David): Then why the accusation?
Bernard (to David): Come on, David, you have a lot of explanation to do now. What time did you sleep?
David (to Bernard): What has the robot got to do with my sleeping hour?
Bernard (quickly smiles): No, I was just concerned. Medical journals say that we are to sleep at least eight hours a day, and it must be before midnight.
David (to Ai Jia): Oh, then my answer is – before midnight.
Ai Jia (smiles): So, the journalist talked to you the entire time.
David (to Adrian, hits a few keys): Not the entire night of course, but she told me to quit smoking.
Bernard (to David): And are you taking her advice?
Walter (stands up): I am going to buy food now. Any orders?
Everyone keeps quiet.
Exit Walter. He goes to the kitchen to look for Corrine before he leaves the house.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT III
Scene: It is Sunday night about 7:00 p.m. in the dining room and the curtains are still drawn. Adrian, and Ai Jia are seated at the dining table. Bernard is at the piano.
Enter Walter. He goes straight to the dining table and puts the McDonald’s bag down.
Bernard (to Adrian): So, what time did you sleep last night?
Adrian (to Bernard): Before midnight!
Ai Jia (gets up and goes to the window): For Heavens’ sake Bernard, why do you need to know what time Adrian sleeps.
Adrian (gets up from his chair): I might as well tell you now, I slept with Corrine last night.
Enter David.
Ai Jia (signals to Bernard): Oh, David, have a cup of tea.
David (goes to the piano): Is it Jasmine tea again?
Bernard (to David): Let me try it, I can tell you.
David (to Ai Jia): Did you say it was from Iran?
Ai Jia (drawing the curtains): No, I said no such thing.
Walter (frowns): But yesterday morning you said that it was from Iran!
David (sits down and opens the fallboard): What about Corrine?
Bernard (sipping at the tea): By the way, I was also watching “The Journalist”.
David (starts playing the piano): Frankly, I don’t care where it comes from. Tea is tea, if I were to care where each blend comes from then I might as well eat fish.
Walter (surprised,he looks at David): Why fish?
Bernard (to Walter): The answer is simple. David likes fish.
Enter Corrine. She places a large plate of fish and chips at the table, she goes in and then comes out with two more plates of the same and they all start to have dinner. Bernard has his roast beef croissant.
David (to Corrine): Why don’t you joint us for a meal?
Corrine (to Bernard): Dad, can I sit down?
Bernard (to Ai Jia): I don’t know.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): You should let the journalist know that you have quit smoking.
Adrian (to Ai Jia): Which journalist?
Bernard (to Adrian): I thought you said you watch “The Journalist”?
Adrian (to Bernard): Not me, David is the one.
Bernard (to Corrine): This entire place is coated with a layer of dust.
Exit Corrine. She goes out and gets a piece of cloth, comes back, and starts to clean the dining table.
Adrian (starts to get angry): For Heaven’s sake! Why do you have to do it now? Can’t you see that we are eating?
Corrine walks to the television. There she picks up the remote control.
David (shouting): What are you doing?
Corrine (sitting down): If I can’t do any housework, then I might as well watch television.
She changes the channel from English to Chinese.
Adrian (smiles): I think 茉莉花 is here again.
David (picks up the tea): Smells nice!
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT IV
Scene: It is Monday afternoon about 1:00 p.m. in the dining room. Adrian, Ai Jia, and Corrine are seated at the dining table. Bernard is sitting on the piano stool.
Adrian (to Bernard): How old are you?
Ai Jia (to Adrian): I thought we dropped that already.
Enter David.
He walks straight to the piano.
Ai Jia (to David): Don’t you want your tea?
Adrian: You mean it’s 3:00 p.m. already?
Bernard (looks irritated): For Heaven’s sake, Adrian! Don’t you look at the time?
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Can’t blame him, he doesn’t wear a watch.
David (standing by the piano): Then buy him one.
Bernard (to David): Oh, I got one, I’ll give it to him.
Adrian: I think we should put a clock on the wall.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): Who is going to pay for it?
David (looks at his watch): I thought Bernard was going to give him a watch.
Bernard (stands up): David, this is your seat.
David (remains standing): No, I am waiting for my lunch.
Adrian (suddenly awake): Where is my lunch?
Bernard (looks at his watch smiling): Finally, Adrian is awake!
David opens the fallboard, and he hits a few keys.
David: Let me play a song to serenate this joyous occasion.
David plays “Santa Claus is coming to Town”.
Bernard (looks irritated): I thought this is Chinese New Year already.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Not yet we are still in December.
David (to Corrine): Why are you so late this month?
Adrian, Ai Jia, Bernard, and David look at each other and then they look at the door.
Enter Walter.
Ai Jia (to Walter): There you are Walter, why is the Tiger so late this year?
Walter (hands Bernard the bag): It’s not MacDonald’s.
Bernard(sits down): I know it is not MacDonald’s.
Walter (sits down): Corrine, no Jasmine today?
Bernard (to Walter): No.
Ai Jia (to Walter): Corrine is not the maid.
David (to Bernard): Then who is?
Walter (to David): It’s time I went to the supermarket.
Adrian (to Walter): I thought you didn’t like Jasmine.
Walter (to Adrian): I can’t avoid the supermarket just because she is there.
David (to Walter): Next time ask for a different check-out helper.
Walter (to David): Difficult, the cashiers there seem to be afraid of her.
Bernard (to Walter): Really? Why is that so?
Walter (to Bernard): But it is true that she seemed to be looking out for me ….
David (to Walter): Oh, then the answer is simple. You are still good looking.
Walter (to Bernard): God forbid! I am already passed my prime.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): How old are you?
Bernard (to Ai Jia): For Heaven’s sake! Stop asking people about their age. Once passed sixty, no one likes to disclose their age.
Adrian (wakes up again): No wonder she asked me to apply for a “Passion card”! That card is applicable only to persons sixty and above.
David (to Adrian): Woman is strange. Why couldn’t she just ask you for your age?
Adrian (to David): True. She thinks I am a liar.
Ai Jia (to Adrian): A late sleeper perhaps, but liar, no.
Corrine (to Ai Jia): Mummy!
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT V
Scene: It is Monday night about 7:30 p.m. in the dining room. Adrian, Ai Jia, and David are seated at the dining table. The television is on.
David (to Ai Jia): Ai Jia, don’t tell me Corrine is late again.
Enter Bernard.
Bernard (sits down): Don’t tell me Adrian is sleeping again.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Don’t worry.
David (looks impatient): Where is Corrine?
Adrian (to David): No worries, she is coming soon.
Bernard (looks serious): I can confirm now. Adrian has been sleeping with Corrine.
Ai Jia (jumps up from her chair): What?
David (smiling): How can that be? I have been sleeping with her the entire time.
Enter Walter.
Walter: I narrowly missed the MP this morning.
Ai Jia (to Walter): Which MP?
Walter (looks frustrated): I can’t recall his name. I have seen him on television.
Bernard (looks irritated): Hang on! We have been talking about Corrine, and David.
Walter (to Bernard): What about Corrine and David?
Bernard: (to Walter): David said that he was sleeping with Corrine.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): So?
Bernard (to Ai Jia): No, the point was that I thought that she was sleeping with Adrian.
Adrian (to Bernard): But of course. Why do you think that I wake up so late in the mornings?
Bernard (to Walter): I don’t care who is sleeping with who. I want my lunch.
Ai Jia (to Bernard): Did you bring your old watch?
Bernard (embarrassed): Oh dear! I forgot!
Adrian (to Bernard): It’s about time you told us your age.
David (to Adrian): Why don’t you tell me your age first?
Adrian (to Walter): You said that you were younger than Bernard.
Walter (to Ai Jia): Yes, I might as well declare my age now that David has slept with Corrine.
Bernard: (to Walter): What has this got to do with it? You should have declared it before David made his confession.
Walter: I am seventy-two. In case one of you starts accusing me of having slept with Corrine as well.
Ai Jia: Come on! Corrine doesn’t sleep around. She is my daughter.
Bernard (irritated): Look! I am famished. I want my roast beef croissant.
David goes to the piano and starts to play the “White Christmas”.
Enter Corrine. She brings two plates of fish and chips and puts it in front of Walter, sits down, and starts to eat the other plate. Ai Jia opens the McDonald’s bag on the table, and she hands Bernard the roast beef croissant. Adrian watches the television and eats the cheeseburger.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT VI
Scene: It is Tuesday morning about 11:00 a.m. in the dining room. Adrian, Bernard, David, and Walter are seated at the dining table.
Enter Ai Jia. She goes straight to the window, and she draws the curtains.
Adrian (to David): You said the robot ate up your food. How did it do that?
David: My order from Home Buffet changed my default mode from delivery to pick up.
Ai Jia (to David): You must have tapped on something wrong.
Bernard (to David): And then?
David (to Ai Jia): Naturally I rang the hotline officer when the food did not arrive.
Ai Jia (to David): And then what did she say?
David (to Ai Jia): She said that my food if not picked up within the hour will be registered as having been picked up.
Bernard (to David): That is too short an allowance.
David (to Ai Jia): So that I decided on the spot to reorder before the robot found its way into my house.
Bernard (to David): That is nonsense, how can the robot find you?
David (to Ai Jia): No, robots have the propensity to become very intelligent if they ate our foods.
David hands a clock to Bernard.
Bernard (to David): You remember!
Ai Jia: Now, who’s going to hang the clock.
Enter Walter.
Walter (to Bernard): Nope, I am not going to do it this time.
Ai Jia (to Walter): Where is my lunch?
Enter Corrine. She goes to the piano and starts to play the scales.
Bernard (to Walter): Where is my McDonald’s?
Adrian (to Bernard): I thought you only eat roast beef croissant?
Walter (to Bernard): Ok, I will go out and buy roast beef croissant now.
Bernard (to Walter): So, where is the roast beef croissant from?
Walter (smiles sheepishly): It has always been from Home Buffet. David places the order and I pick it up from the entrance before coming in.
Bernard and Ai Jia stood up at the same time and walk towards the door.
David (to Adrian): I wonder if she could play other pieces.
Adrian (to David): I never slept with Corrine.
David (to Adrian): Neither have I.
And they both laugh wholeheartedly. David picks up the cigar from the dining table and he gives it to Walter.
Walter (to David): Thanks, I can put up the clock now.
The scene of the play takes place on the pathway along Kay Siang Road towards the bus-stop in Singapore on 7 May 2020. Stephanie is walking under the hot sun at 38 degrees towards the bus-stop. Thereafter she boards a bus and arrives at the Evans Mall.
ACT I
Scene: It is Thursday afternoon about 3:00 p.m. Stephanie was walking towards the bus-stopalong the pathway. A man dressed in navy top and navy pants confronts her. The man approaches Stephanie, and she was taken aback.
Stephanie (surprised): It’s not what you think.
Justin: No, my brains are working.
Stephanie: Well, so is mine!
Justin: But may I ask, why are you here?
Stephanie: Hey, I am just minding my own business. Why are you here?
Justin: Because I enjoy talking to you.
Stephanie: Go away, go look someone else to arrest.
Justin: I am not arresting you. I am just wondering if you needed any help.
Stephanie: You are preventing me from accomplishing my daily task.
Justin: What is that? And where to?
Stephanie: Why do I have to tell you where I am going?
Justin: I am sure you must have more urgent things to do, rather than walking along aimlessly.
Stephanie: Urgent thing such as?
Justin: I don’t know, could be anything.
Stephanie: Name me a few.
Justin: Oh, I just saw that fire broke out in Okinawa district this morning.
Stephanie: How could you see so far?
Justin: I am not seeing; I am just giving an example.
Stephanie: Apart from Okinawa, where else is there having fire?
Justin: China, for instance, they could be flooding now.
Stephanie: I am not asking you about China now.
Justin: But you asked me for an example, right?
Stephanie: Ok, let’s talk about more urgent disasters now.
Justin: Such as?
Stephanie: Covid.
Justin: Covid 18, 19, or 20?
Stephanie: There is only one Covid.
Justin: Oh my God!
Stephanie: Why OMG?
Justin: Today is Vesak Day, I just remembered.
Stephanie: Ok! You have not forgotten! Then shall I pay a visit to the Buddha or not?
Justin: It’s entirely up to you. But today is very hot, and the Buddhist Temple is very crowded.
Stephanie: Am I free to go now?
Justin (holds his hands out): By all means, madam.
Stephanie: Thank you Mr. Buddha!
Justin: Hey wait! My name is not Buddha!
Stephanie: Then what is your name?
Justin takes out a badge from his pocket and flashes it in front of Stephanie.
Justin: Let me show you my name.
Stephanie: I can’t see, I am far sighted.
Justin: Then put on your glasses.
Stephanie: Oh ok, I am not wearing my glasses.
Justin hands Stephanie a pair of spectacles.
Stephanie: Oh, my goodness! You stole my glasses!
Justin: So, what do you want me to do about it, report me?
Stephanie: Let me see your name card again.
Justin: You can’t remember?
Stephanie: I no speak the English, me, a Mandarin speaker.
Justin: I give up, just take these glasses, and go!
Before Stephanie walks away, Justin hands her another pair of spectacles.
Justin: Take this as well.
Stephanie: Thank you!
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT II
Scene: It is Friday afternoon about 6:00 p.m. in the Evans Mall just outside Perfect Grant.Stephanie stands and she ponders. In her hand, she is holding the extra pair of spectacles that Justin gave her. She sees William inside but nonetheless knocks on the door.
Stephanie (shouts): Knock, knock, who’s there?
William: You don’t need to knock, the door is open, can’t you see?
Stephanie: I am not wearing my contact lenses now.
William: Of course not, you are wearing your own spectacles.
Stephanie: Oh, you can see!
William: Err, ma’am, of course I can see, I am not short sighted.
Stephanie: Aye, I can see that you are wearing a pair of glasses.
William: That means that you are wearing contact lenses now, for otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see.
Stephanie: I thought you said that I was wearing spectacles. Decide for yourself whether you want to see me as wearing spectacles or contact lenses.
Stephanie goes to the mirror in the shop.
William (stands behind her): Still looking good.
Stephanie: Of course! I am only seventeen.
William: That’s strange, my daughter is also seventeen today.
Stephanie: Show me her identity card.
William: (looks appalled): Madam, are you ok or not? Why should I be carrying my daughter’s identity card?
Stephanie (crossed): You told me she was seventeen, how would I know if you were telling me the truth?
William: Hey! That’s unfair! I am her father of course I know my daughter’s age.
Stephanie (smiles): I never knew you had a daughter.
William (embarrassed): I didn’t want to tell you; I was hoping to offer you, my services.
Stephanie: What services?
William: Actually, I knew that you were coming in to look for me today.
Stephanie: Who told you?
William: A little girl told me.
William suddenly wakes up; he rushed out of the shop and forgets to lock his door.
Stephanie sits there.
From being in a good mood, she becomes furious. She walks to one of the displays and puts her spectacles inside.
Stephanie (thinks): Why do I have to look after his shop for him?
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT III
Scene: It is Saturday morning about 8:00 a.m. in the Perfect Grant. Stephanie is still inside sitting at the counter. The door is open, and she sees William coming in.
William returns.
Stephanie: Where have you been last night?
William: Why do I have to tell you? Are you my wife?
Stephanie: I am not, but you made me sit in your shop watching over all your precious articles for at least (she looks at her watch) by now more than 14 hours.
William: Oh, nobody asked you to do this.
Stephanie: I was merely doing you a favour, and I am going to release myself from captivity now.
William: Hey wait! Before you leave, show me your bag.
Stephanie: Why.
William: In case you took anything from my shop in my absence.
Stephanie: But why would I want to do that?
William: I know that you need a pair of new spectacles.
Stephanie: No, I don’t.
William: I say you do.
Stephanie: By the way, I came in here with a pair of spectacles in my hand yesterday.
William: We are not talking about yesterday now.
Stephanie: But I want to know why you suddenly rushed out of the shop when you were talking to me.
William: I was trying to attend to my daughter’s birthday party.
Stephanie: Trying? You are her father; shouldn’t you be organizing it?
William: She is an adult now; she makes her own decision.
Stephanie: Seventeen an adult? Which county are you in?
William: As a matter of fact, she turned eighteen … wait … just this minute.
William frantically looks at his watch.
Stephanie: It’s here! I kept it for you.
William: Thank God. I thought it was missing.
Stephanie: Nice watch. But too large for my wrist.
William: Woman! You stole my watch?!
Stephanie: Merely trying it on, not stealing.
William takes back the watch and he look at it.
Stephanie: I didn’t do anything to it.
William (yells) at the top of his voice: It stopped.
Stephanie (emphasis): Err, I didn’t do anything to it, (and then adds) it stopped on its own.
Upon which William slaps Stephanie.
Stephanie (now starts to shout): You are violent!
William: Do you want to call for the police?
Stephanie: No, of course not, but let it be on the record that you slapped me.
William: Then just leave, I am not interested in talking to you anymore.
Stephanie: Bye, by the way, checking your display, you have a nice variety of spectacles, they are extremely intelligent.
William scratches his head.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT IV
Scene: It is Sunday morning about 11:00 a.m. in the Perfect Grant. William has put up an advertising display in the Fresh Hire App. He wants to hire a new assistant.
Stephanie walks in.
William (looking calm): Why are you here again today?
Stephanie: I saw your advertisement.
William: Where?
Stephanie: In the Fresh Hire App.
William: Where? I want to see.
Stephanie: There you go! Let me show you.
Stephanie hands William her handphone.
William: Oh, I can’t go in, it’s locked.
Stephanie: Forget it, you are too old for this, let me come back for the interview another day.
But Stephanie continues browsing the shop ….
Stephanie: By the way, have you checked your display recently?
William: Why?
Stephanie: Are the glasses in the same order as they have been arranged before?
William scratches his head again ….
Stephanie: I don’t know if anyone disturbed them ….
William (takes cognizance): Wait. Madam! As far as I know, you were the only one who was here two nights ago.
Stephanie raises her hands up immediately.
Stephanie: I swear I didn’t do anything.
William: Then why the innuendo?
Stephanie: What is the meaning of this?
William: You don’t know the meaning of “innuendo”?
Stephanie: I repeat, me, I no speak English, I am a Chinese speaker.
William: Mandarin or Chinese?
Stephanie: Is there a difference?
William: Mandarin is the spoken form of the Chinese language, and Chinese refers to the language in general in written form.
Stephanie: Aiyo, so simple, let me go lah, I didn’t let anyone in last night.
William walks up and tries to grab Stephanie’s bag.
William: I know you took something from me the other night when you were here.
Stephanie: Go look at your CCTV.
William: I don’t have CCTV in my shop.
Stephanie: Then why did you leave your door open on Friday night?
William: Look, it was my daughter’s birthday and I had to attend to her.
Stephanie: Again, the same excuse. Where is your wife? Couldn’t she celebrate your daughter’s birthday in your absence?
William: My wife is dead, a long time ago.
Stephanie: Oh, I see, I am extremely sorry.
William: About what?
Stephanie: About your wife’s passing.
William: No need to be sorry, she is in heaven now.
Stephanie: Then would you like to join her?
William (shouts): NO! Of course not! (adds): I am having fun here now!
Stephanie: Doing what? Talking to me?
William: No, waiting for someone to come for an interview.
Stephanie: Oh yeah, how forgetful I am, I was here for an interview, not for confession.
William: No, I was the one who was confessing, not you.
Stephanie: In any case, I am not a priest, confessing to me also no use.
William: Maybe I go to the church later today.
Stephanie: Today is Vesak Day, more effective if you go to the Guan Yin Miao.
William: But then I no speak Chinese, want to accompany me?
Stephanie: Err, I can’t, I need to look after your shop for you when you are gone.
William: How responsible! You are hired!!!
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT V
Scene: It is Sunday afternoon about 4:00 p.m. and William, and Stephanie are sitting inside the Perfect Grant. The shop is in the centre of the mall, next to it is a café that sells sweets and ice cream. They both gets bored. Waiting for a customer to turn up wanes the patience.
So, Stephanie and William walk next door, they both forget to close the door, leaving it open.
William: How’s coffee?
Stephanie: Great! Never tasted better.
William: That’s because you are having it with me.
Stephanie (takes cognizance): Wait! You have been here before!
William: Is this a statement or a question?
Stephanie: I thought you speak English?
William: Oh yeah, I forgot! I thought I was in China.
Stephanie: China!
William: Why.
Stephanie: China is mainly populated by the Chinese race; you don’t see other races in there. Here we are multi-racial.
William: Oh, so I see.
Stephanie: Now you, see?
William: Err, I need my glasses.
Stephanie (now furious): Do you wear glasses or contact lens?
William: Hey! What has this got to do with you?
Stephanie (raises her hands): I didn’t steal your glasses.
William: Yes, last night I went through all my spectacles, and I found a diamond amongst them.
Stephanie (exclaims): Diamond!!!
William: Yes, diamond.
Stephanie: How large is it?
William: I don’t know. All I know is that it is a rare gem.
Stephanie (eyes wide): Can you give it to me?
William: You want me to present you with a diamond for what happened last night?
Stephanie: Nothing happened last night.
William: I know. But only you and I know, and no one else knows.
Stephanie: Apart from God of course.
William: And I don’t even have CCTV, so even God doesn’t know.
Stephanie: Then what can we do to prove that we were innocent.
William: Install CCTV.
Stephanie: You pay?
William: Of course, I am paying for coffee.
Stephanie: How much?
William: Ten fifty.
Stephanie: Sing dollar or U.S. currency?
William: Again, you play the fool with me. I know that you know where you are.
Stephanie: I am here!
William: I can see now; you are none other than my employee Stephanie.
Stephanie: Don’t be rude, assistant not employee. And by the way, I saw something very amusing this morning.
William: What?
Stephanie: I was on the bus, and there the minute I sat down next to a lady. She picked up her handphone, and guess what I saw?
William: What did you see?
Stephanie: She had the picture of a legal assistant as her wallpaper.
William: How did you know?
Stephanie: I saw the name of her contact when she opened the handphone right in front of me.
William: Strange. Do you know her?
Stephanie: No. Never met her in my entire life.
William: Then just ignore.
Stephanie: Have you paid?
William: I own this café as well.
Stephanie: Oh, you are rich! I want to marry you now!
William: Help me find the diamond first.
Stephanie: Which diamond? The one that you mentioned just now.
William: Of course!
Stephanie and William take a long stroll back to the shop.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT VI
Scene: It is Monday morning about 11:00 a.m. inside the Perfect Grant. William and Stephanie are sitting inside without anyone browsing around. Both are utterly bored. A cup of coffee is on the countertop.
Stephanie (softly): You are just a fat security guard!
William: Don’t be rude.
Stephanie: I thought after the coffee I can say anything to you.
William: I was the one who paid, not you.
Stephanie: And I was the one who looked after your shop the other night, in your absence!
William: But I am now paying you.
Stephanie: Oh yeah, how much is my salary?
William: I thought you wanted the diamond, in lieu of salary.
Stephanie: Ok, I will help you sell your diamond for you.
William (searches his pocket): OMG! I left it at the café!
Stephanie: Quick, let’s hurry back.
They both rush out of the Perfect Grant, arriving at Sweets and Dreams, three shops away.
William shouts at the girl behind the counter.
William: Have you seen my diamond?
Diana: What diamond?
William: I left a small box here.
Diana: I didn’t see.
William: Didn’t see or cannot, see?
Diana: No difference.
William: You need a pair of glasses.
Diana: Oh ok, I will drop by after work.
William: Don’t forget to close the café when you leave.
At the same time, Stephanie closes the shop at the Perfect Grant.
William comes back and sees that the shop is closed, he goes home.
THE CURTAIN FALLS
ACT VII
Scene: The next day. Diana walks into William’s shop, she and William arranges the showcase. They counted and found an extra pair of spectacles.
Diana (confronts William): You slept with the lady who came in with you yesterday.
William (raises both hands): No. I don’t sleep with my staff.
Diana: Then why did she leave this pair of spectacles behind?
William (raising his voice): I don’t know!!!
Diana: For Christ’s sake?
William: Yes, I confess now! I went to the 观音庙 yesterday!
Diana goes to the counter, opens her bag, and takes out a box.
Diana: Here you are!
William (panics): I never intended to give it to her.
Diana slaps William.
William opens the box. He sees nothing inside.
William then grabs the letter opener by the side, he shoves the object perpendicular to and directly into Diana’s body.
Trying to find his way around in Aunty Mui’s house ….
Chapter 1
Every human has the insatiable need to take revenge. To hate someone, they must be worthy of notice. No one hates me because I am no princess. Despite that, the books I read promised me that my husband would be a knight coming in shining armour. At twenty-two, I have not read a single Mills and Boon.
Chapter 2
I remembered Aunty Mui again. She was sitting on a swivel chair, in front of her was a large computer, instead of a vanity mirror, like all dames would have. The moment I entered, she turned around and said to me, in an opening statement, “I have lost him for good.”
Aunty Mui was a writer, I thought that she was referring to one of the characters in her story. So naturally, I did not take her seriously. I looked at the computer, it was on, and I could see that there was a draft on the screen. Aunty Mui was already seventy, being able to type on a PC meant that she was highly educated.
I found a chair and I sat down on the rattan. But before I could settle myself in, Aunty Mui asked if I were comfortable, and if I needed a pillow. And then before I could respond, she pulled out a cushion from under her table and passed it to me. The cushion was soft. I put it on top of my legs rather than behind my back.
Then I kept quiet, waiting for her next order. She did not switch off her PC, the screen was bright, it was obvious that the browser was waiting for her to input further bytes. Then she took quite a while before she rearranged the position of her mouse on her mouse pad, and finally putting it away.
I felt strangely welcomed. Aunty Mui had decided to meet me in person. She had been communicating with me virtually. And I had begun to equate her with the Empress in one of the Chinese dramas. Now was the only time that I could be close to her. Aunty Mui has two dogs and three cats, so it was not easy for her to give me any consideration, least of all, time.
The old lady has never mentioned about any man to me before, so that was a subject that took me completely off guard. A man?! Aunty Mui was not the glamorous type. She wore only loose shirts and long pants, never skirts or dresses. And she kept her grey hair short above her ears. In short, Aunty Mui doesn’t bother about her looks. And I respect Aunty Mui because she was simple and intelligent. Never would I have imagined her harbouring a lover either in her thoughts or deeds.
So, who was this “him”? A relative? An ex-colleague? A former staff? A stranger in the lift?
I gave her time. And I merely sat there, waiting for her to give me further information. I did not want to make her feel like I was probing, although I was very tempted for a quick answer. This was certainly very intriguing.
Her bedroom door opened, Sandy her helper poked her head into the room,
“Excuse me, ma’am, barley juice for two?” as she was talking, she came in, standing right in front of me she asked,
“Do you want sugar?” “Warm or cold?”
I gave her my preference.
And then I turned to Aunty Mui, “Do you want me to put up a missing person advertisement for you, Aunty Mui?”
“No!” she shouted immediately, “Of course not!”
I had never seen Aunty Mui so vehement before, so naturally I apologised straight away. I wasn’t in the wrong. It was the most logical suggestion, based on what she had just told me.
“Then what can I do for you, Aunty Mui?”
She kept quiet, her eyes looking at me with hatred that I couldn’t fathom. I quickly looked down, avoiding her stare. I must have offended her greatly. My stupid cleverness!
And then knock knock, even though the door wasn’t shut. Sandy came in this time holding a tray with two cups of fresh barley. She put one on Aunty Mui’s computer table, and another cup on the little table in front of me.
I said thank you, and then I kept quiet, waiting for Aunty Mui’s order.
“Look what you have done!” Aunty Mui said.
“Err …. I ….” I haven’t done anything since I last saw Aunty Mui, apart from buying the August Wheat stock over the counter. It is a company that sells frozen food products.
“I thought I specifically told you not to go into the stock market.” She announced.
How did she know?
“Sorry Aunty Mui,” I replied. I had to say something, even though I wasn’t feeling sorry.
But inside me I was getting annoyed. What has this got to do with her? I was using my own money to buy the shares, as far as my bank statements tell me, I have not been borrowing from Aunty Mui.
“You have been using my resources to buy some shares, I was told,” she said.
I was shocked, “Using your resources?! How could it be?” “What resources of yours have I been using??” I asked.
“You have been communicating with Jackson!” she replied.
Then Aunty Mui got up from her chair, now swung towards me, and removed my cup from me. I still haven’t drunk the barley juice.
It is the same story. A woman falls for another man, the man courts her for a while, then decides to leave her. He disappears. The woman gets frantic, she looks for him everywhere but can’t find him whereupon she goes spiritual.
But that was not the last time that I saw Aunty Mui.
Chapter 3
Having made some money from my investment, so that this morning I wore the hot pink dress to work. It was a new dress, and many people on the bus were looking at me. I felt important and that made me happy.
And I was beginning to be noticed by the customers who came into the supermarket. Also, I was beginning to remember where the grocery items were displayed. The can foods and dried goods on the shelf along the wall, the cereals, biscuits, and bread on the opposite row, and then behind the row it was the cleaning utensils the detergent. The wines and coffee were placed together I guess they were categorised as beverage. And then the dairies were on the other side of the wall. But I couldn’t understand why the freezer was stuck right in the middle of nowhere. It was a large container; customers must go round it before they move from the wine to the dairies.
The other thing also was that I was beginning to find a correlation between the August Wheat shares I bought and my visits to Aunty Mui. Whenever I have paid a visit to see her, the price of my holding moved up, sometimes by a larger margin and other times by a smaller edge. At first, I attributed it to just pure luck, then as I visited Aunty Mui more often, and the momentum of my holding appreciation began to follow, I had to admit that there was some element of relativity in it. Of course, I call this superstition.
Chapter 4
It was not easy to gain forgiveness from someone whom you were not related to, much less on a matter on which you were responsible for. Aunty Mui had called to see me again. I knew that this time I had to make it or break it.
I already knew that she does not lock her doors. The minute I greeted her, Aunty Mui said,
“You are here only by the Grace of God,”
I muttered in agreement. That meant that she had gone into extensive prayers before she asked to see me. That also meant that she could not make up her own mind.
Then I wasted no time. Even before I sat down, I told her,
“Aunty Mui! This man has no real power. Any power he has is perceived by you. You love him, and you told yourself that he is the only man for you, and that you can’t live without him. He is riding on that and leading you astray,”
Aunty Mui did not pretend that she didn’t know whom I was referring to.
“Jackson is not Jesus!” I began. But you could find our saviour in church, in the Eucharist, and in your prayers. You cannot crystalise the Son of God!”
“Whoever said that Jackson was Jesus?” the old lady retorted.
I could not argue with her, and I was too tired to. I had been very bogged down by the bear market. I was a Catholic and I have attended Mass. Telling Aunty Mui that I no longer believe in her religion would break her heart. And I didn’t want to be seen as a rebel. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. It’s just that I could see where Aunty Mui was heading.
I found the rattan chair and I sat down again, waiting for my fresh barley.
Aunty Mui immediately let out a cry, “Don’t leave me!!!”
“I won’t,” I said, that was the most natural response. And I had intended to come back again. I want my August Wheat to go up. I didn’t want to provoke a recession.
“I have been praying for your safety ever since that night ….” she began.
Since that night?
“What night?” I asked.
I had never been to Aunty Mui’s house at night.
“You don’t remember? We drank red wine under the palm tree …. and we slept under the moonlight until the sun came up …. you called me Eve and I named you Adam.”
Adam and Eve had no clothes on in the Garden of Eden.
So, this confirmed it. Aunty Mui had a lover!
But I am not her lover!
I quickly said, “Excuse me, Aunty Mui. It was barley water, not red wine. The last time I came to your house, your helper Sandy served me barley water, and we never slept under the moonlight, we were indoors most of the time, in fact, all the time.”
And in case she accused me of telling lies, since I am seated in her house now, I ventured to add, “you have been watching too many movies,”
“No, it is you! Say it is you!” she shouted at me again.
“I, err, I, err, ….”
I decided not to offend her. I really needed this on-going relationship.
“Ok, yes if you say so,” I complied.
“No! Not if I say so, it is fact. And the truth is that I still love you, even after 20 years,”
“That is a long time ago, Aunty Mui,” I replied.
“Are you sure you still remember the facts?” I added.
“No, it was just two months ago,” she said, “Don’t you remember? You were sitting here on this rattan chair,” Aunty Mui gave a wicked smile.
“Oh yes, I am here for you now, Aunty Mui,” I quickly brought her back to reality whilst I still could.
“Why do you keep calling me Aunty Mui?” she enquired.
A strange enquiry.
Psychology books I read told me that I should henceforth pretend that I were her lover, Jackson. So that I said,
“My dear Mui, I am here for you now, ask me for anything and I will answer you,” still waiting for my fresh barley.
But suddenly Aunty Mui sprung up, “Don’t toy with me, Geraldine Tay Swee Lian! I know who you are.”
My face fell. So, Aunty Mui was making fun of me all this while. But the thing that disturbed me was that she called me by the surname Tay. The Chinese name Swee Lian was correct, but I was Yeo. And this was not the first time that she made the mistake. Could it have been deliberate?
I needed a drink to calm myself down. The lady continued with the charade.
Let me tell you why you are here, I need to you find him for me,”
“I am not clairvoyant,” I put in a caveat.
“Well, then go get a crystal ball!” Aunty Mui yelled. Aunty Mui is a rich woman, and she is demanding.
“Ok, deal! Next time I come, I will bring one,” I promised the old lady, who seemed more likely to possess magical powers than I. She has three houses and a helper at her disposal, not to mention the cats and the dogs.
I continued to stay. I told myself I would not leave until I’ve had my barley. It has a correlation with my August Wheatshares.
True enough, Sandy knocked on the door, and she came in with two cups. This time she already knew my preference.
Once I finished my drink, I made a quick excuse, and left the old lady whilst she went back to her story.
Chapter 5
Since the new pink dress got me so much attention and unexpected joy, I continued to buy more dresses. From dresses I progressed to tops, and then as I saw that earrings were also advertised, I went ahead and bought a gold pair. I told myself I shall wear that if Aunty Mui were to summon me again.
There was a man in my supermarket. Having a man in my shop was not something to be alarmed about. But this man was here four days in a row. And today was just Thursday. We are closed on Sunday, which means that the man has been here every day since Monday.
Whenever he came in, the first thing he did was to go straight to the dairies. But he didn’t pick up any items. He would use his handphone to text someone first before he took a loaf of bread. Each time he came back with a different type of bread. Sometimes fine grain wholemeal, sometimes high fibre white, and even oat soft grain. I became quite amused. Surely, he need not consult anyone before he picks out his own staple food. And as far as I was concerned, bread is bread, whichever kind. But that was not it, after he has made his selection, he would go to the freezer and pick up the butter. I observed that the butter has always been the same brand and unsalted.
Ok, he has come round again. He greeted me this morning, and he smiled. Yes, his countenance was good, and his clothing impeccable, a shirt tucked in with a belt.
“Hello,” he began. I quickly took the opportunity to ask,
“May I know why you are texting in my supermarket?”
“Huh?” “Why are you spying on me?” still smiling, the man said.
“I … err … oh ok, it’s just that I noticed you buying a different type of bread every time, surely you must have your own preference,” I told him the truth.
“The answer is simple. I have four people at home, and each one prefers a different kind of bread,”
“That’s awfully inconvenient, I dare say,” I replied.
“By the way, would you like to tell me which kind of bread you prefer?”
I scratched my head, “Err, actually I don’t eat bread at all,”
Then I would recommend wholemeal fine grain, it’s least harmful,”
“How would bread be harmful?” I was puzzled.
The man merely took out his wallet and credit card to place it on my tap pay device, and then without a further word, he walked out of my supermarket.
Chapter 6
I didn’t see the man for a week. And I really regretted not having noted his name on his credit card. Now I would have to go back on my records, and it is not allowed. So far, I have not made any mistakes on the collection. And I must tell you, it is not easy. Some customers prefer to pay by foreign currencies, and I had to convert the denomination into local dollars. Not an easy task. But this made my job more challenging. I like work that is demanding.
But at the back of my mind, I was still thinking of my August Wheat shares.
I used to log into the website to check on the price of the shares every day, by now I have advanced to, twice a day – once in the morning and once in the afternoon. I am grateful for the technology which allowed me to see the price of the stock on my handphone, although they said that public data was not a good gauge. Well, if that is not a barometer, then what is?
This morning they sent a memo to say that they found a cockroach behind the shelves in one of the can foods. I panicked, and quickly hid the memo in my drawer below the cash register. Just at this moment, the man walked in,
“Good morning,” he greeted me.
“Yes, hi,” I said, composing myself.
“Listen, I was trying to look for green peas yesterday, and you don’t seem to have any,”
I didn’t know where the cockroach went, so I gave a non-committal answer,
“I am not sure if we still have green peas, yesterday a customer bought three cans, and I think we are out of stock now,” to prevent him from walking to the shelves, I added, “Why don’t I go check it out for you?”
I quickly rushed out of the cash counter and walked towards the shelves, whilst in a hurry I knocked onto the display stand with all the batteries, sweets, and stuff. The whole clip fell, and all the items splashed all over the counter as well as onto the floor. I hastened to pick them up, and the man also came forward to help me pick them up.
“Sorry,” I said, “didn’t mean to be so clumsy,”
“No issue, Geraldine,” he replied.
I have had my second cup of coffee today, so naturally I was more alert than usual.
“How did you know my name?” I asked.
He smiled, and he said, “I think you don’t look at yourself in the mirror,”
“What do you mean?” “Are you telling me that I am ugly?” I was a little annoyed, being clumsy was one of my failings.
He is rude!
“Nobody told you to help me,” my voice a little louder this time.
“Hey! You don’t have to get angry over such a small thing!” the man merely got up from his squatting position, stood up, and walked out.
I am saved! Let me check for more cockroaches and see if there were any canned green peas.
Only when I went to the toilet to freshen myself up before heading for home did I realise that I had my name tag on, and that the man saw my name on my chest.
I felt terribly ashamed of myself, and I wished that I would meet him again to offer him an apology. To cheer myself up, I went to the pop-up café by the side of the neighbouring hotel and consumed another cup of coffee, this time a double shot.
By the time I went home it was almost 9:00 pm, and I couldn’t remember where I had roamed after the booster.
After a good night’s rest, I woke up still feeling fresh, and the minute I arrived at the supermarket, I picked out the remaining can of green peas from the shelve, and I placed it prominently on the cashier counter table. This just in case the man came back again for what he missed yesterday.
Chapter 7
My August Wheat shares fell today. I panicked, and immediately thought of Aunty Mui’s barley water. It must have been because I have not been to her house for several, I think, weeks by now. The invitation was usually sent by her, and so I thought of inviting myself.
I now remembered that I was supposed to buy a ball, specifically a crystal type, to present to her on my next visit.
But I couldn’t close the cash register at this minute. Not when it is at 11:45 am and I didn’t have an assistant.
I waited till lunch time. After I put up the sign for “Out for lunch, be back at 2:00 pm” I left the supermarket and took a Grab straight to Adrenaline Street where I knew where crystals are being sold.
The owner of the shop was just too eager to see me. He sold only crystals, of varying shapes and sizes, in all sorts of designs. I was completely fascinated, and I wanted to buy them all. Finally, I realised what I was there for, and I quickly picked a sphere. But there were several, I didn’t know if I should choose a large, medium, or small.
What size would Aunty Mui like?
Finally, I decided that I couldn’t afford an expensive one, so I carried the small to the owner.
“Call me Uncle John, you will see me again,” the rather good-looking man ordered.
“How much is this?” I went straight to the point.
“For you, today, it is at 134 dollars net.”
“You mean no GST?” I asked.
“If you come back tomorrow it would be with GST,” he smiled.
Without further ado I took out my purse and I paid him cash. I didn’t want him to know my name. I didn’t want to make this another area of my expenditure.
Chapter 8
I called Aunty Mui. It was Sandy who picked up the phone.
“Hello, is this ma’am Geraldine?” as usual she was polite.
“Is Aunty Mui in? Can I speak to her?” I did not waste time.
“Ma’am, I am afraid so, your aunty is very sick, she has not been eating for the last two days,” she volunteered.
“Then I must come and see her,” a good excuse.
“Come anytime you like,” Sandy replied.
It was a Sunday. I didn’t usually go to church. I took a Grab and arrived at 75 Riverton Drive. Aunty Mui’s house was packed in the middle and painted in pink. I hopped off and rushed right in.
I peeped into Aunty Mui’s room before I stepped in. She was lying on the bed, sideways, her head facing the window.
“Aunty Mui,” I whispered, not sure if she were asleep.
Aunty Mui didn’t turn around. I guess she recognised my voice.
“Don’t let your shadows darken my doorstep again!” In one go, mustering the remaining brute strength that she had.
I knew that I had provoked her by my science based and logical thinking on the last occasion. I should have known that religion is a taboo topic. I should have known that if I ever wanted to drink fresh barley again, I must not disagree with Aunty Mui on whatever she said.
Reluctantly I walked towards the bedroom door, not forgetting to say, “Sorry Aunty Mui, I will see you again.”
Aunty Mui did not respond.
With trepidation, I hugged my crystal ball and walked towards the staircase and decided it best I left and texted her later after she has cooled down.
As I was going down the stairs, I saw Sandy. We said hi to each other and then she promptly disappeared into one of the rooms, presumably the one next to Aunty Mui.
Outside Aunty Mui’s house I stood, the rain started. I attempted to take out my umbrella, but instantly saw that I had taken it out of my handbag to sun after yesterday’s downpour. The weather had been unpredictable these days.
Extremely frustrated, I muttered a curse, and then I decided that getting angry with the sky did not help. What I needed to do was to borrow an umbrella from Aunty Mui. But after the tiff, I could not bring myself to go back again.
But then I had not drunk the barley juice, which was the sole purpose of my visit. I went in again. I could ask Sandy for a glass of barley juice directly.
Sandy was afraid. She told me to see her employer again. I had no choice but to allow myself to be scolded again.
How do I neutralise her?
I decided to come clean with the old lady.
“Hi Aunty Mui, do you buy stocks and shares?” outside her bedroom I said, in a tone that I felt was audible, before I stepped in.
“Why, no,” she said, and then, “I am too old for that,” further on she said, “come on in,”
I jumped at the chance. “There is no such thing as too old,” I said, in a bid to cheer her up. Although I did realise that anyone above sixty should not be allowed to take risks, it’s bad for the heart.
“Why do you ask?” she said.
Sandy came in on time. She quenched my thirst and simultaneously drove up the price of my August Wheat.
I stopped short. I changed my mind and decided not to confess to Aunty Mui. She still didn’t know that I had bought some shares after the day she spoke to me about the lost man.
Aunty Mui and I chatted about her book and then we decided that it was still not time to publish yet.
Strange that the old lady changed her mood so suddenly. The weather must have had something to do with it. For I could hear the rain coming down heavily the raindrops splattering across the window.
Chapter 9
I almost lost my way home this evening. Maybe that was because I went into the pop-up café again. I felt recharged every time after I had taken the double shot. Tonight, immediately after my coffee I felt that I had to see Aunty Mui urgently. The price of the August Wheat had dropped again. I decided to go to 75Riverton Street, and paid Aunty Mui an unannounced visit. I could just ask for a glass of barley juice even without seeing the old lady.
Bolder this time, I opened the unlocked door and walked right in. I found Sandy in the kitchen, and I tapped her on the shoulder before asking, “Can I have a glass of barley juice?”
“Of course, you can, ma’am,” the girl was cooperative. And she promptly went to the jar by the side of the fridge. I saw an ant on the jar before she poured the liquid onto the pot to reheat it.
“How much barley do you add?” I asked.
“A table spoonful, and some rock sugar.”
“Oh, that means I can’t control the sugar since it’s pre-cooked,”
“Here you are, ma’am,” Sandy said.
I took over the glass, and the barley water was drowned by my double shot earlier on.
Aunty Mui was really sleeping this time. I tip-toed to her side, saw that she was breathing heavily. There was a document on her computer table, and out of curiosity I picked it up and I saw –
That was my own birth certificate!
I almost fainted.
No, this cannot be true! This must be one of Aunty Mui’s stories!
Without thinking, I took the glass of barley juice placed on the table and drank it all in one gulp forgetting that this was Aunty Mui’s barley.
I woke up from the story, then I excused myself from the sleeping lady muttering,
“Sorry Aunty Mui, I come back and see you again,” even though I knew that she could not hear me this time.
Chapter 10
Aunty Mui had not been looking for me for more than a month, and my August Wheat fell sharply. I went back to 75 Riverton Street, but it was overwhelmingly crowded. The entire house was decorated with white wreaths, and I walked in without being noticed. The entire living room had been cleared, in the middle was a coffin. Automatically I moved up to see who was inside. To my horror I saw Aunty Mui’s frozen ashen face. She was dead!
I couldn’t stop myself from speaking loudly to the corpse in front of all the other mourners, this time decidedly repentant, and I thus began,
“Aunty Mui, I genuinely believe, and has been for some time now, that you are my real mother,”
“No, you are not my daughter, and what makes you say so?” Sandy replied.
“I saw my birth certificate,” I said.
“From where?” she asked.
“Your table, you left it open the other day when I was here,” I was honest.
“Whoever gave you permission to look at my things?” Sandy raised her voice.
“I …. err …. I …. I didn’t mean to be nosy,” I spoke like a baby.
“Is that what they teach you in law school?” Sandy was decidedly angry this time.
“No, I never went to law school,” I confessed.
“Then what were you doing in the university?” she became curious.
“I was doing accounts, but ended up as a cashier,”
“Oh,” she sounded quite disappointed.
“Sorry, Sandy,” this time I became bolder, since I had already made up my mind that Aunty Mui was my mother.
At this time, Uncle John came in, if you remember where I found him.
Chapter 11
The man was accompanied by another man whom I already knew, Jackson.
Huh? How did they know each other?
Jackson moved up and paid his respects, bowing three times. I quickly followed suit since I have made a fool of myself. This was certainly not the time to rebind with your own mother.
I greeted the man, who has been the one responsible for asking me to buy the August Wheat. He turned to Uncle John and introduced me to a man whom I had already been acquainted without his knowledge.
“Hi Geraldine, please meet Tay Wee Loke, my dad,” then he added,
“He is one of the directors of August Wheat.”
Tay Wee Loke was the name of the father on the birth certificate!
Oh My God!
OMG!
At the same time, Tay, no, Uncle John came up to me.
“Look Geraldine, tell yourself that you will never have to meet this Aunty Mui of yours ever again. Not this life, not next life. Then you won’t feel miserable,”
“But …. but ….” I stammered, “Aunty Mui is my mother,”
“Yes, I know, she treats you as though you were her daughter,”
“No, she is my real mother!” I said, almost crying.
“Real mother as in biological mother?” Uncle John asked.
“Yes.” I said, sobbing.
“Who told you? She?” he said.
“Nobody told me,” I said softly.
“Have you seen the birth cert.?” he asked.
“Yes, am afraid so,” I nodded my head.
“Oh, so that explains it,” he looked strangely confident, suddenly.
“She told you about this before?” I asked.
“No, she left everything in her will to me,” the man answered.
“Oh, so that’s why you are here,” I was surprised.
“So …. that means that you are her lover, and she abandoned me because of you!” I exclaimed.
The purpose of the will was for him to do a habeas corpus!
“No mother abandons her child wilfully,” Uncle John assured me.
“Then why didn’t she see me for the past twenty years? And you know what? I am already twenty-two now,” I started sobbing.
Uncle John gave me his handkerchief.
“Do you still carry these things nowadays?” I was amused.
“Ok, you cool down for a while, let me go in and get some coffee,”
I sat amongst the mourners, and I left my mind blank. There was no music to liven up the occasion, and rightly so.
Uncle John came back with his cup.
“I thought you were going to get coffee,” I asked.
“You have been drinking barley from this house since time immemorial,” he said.
Now I would have to visit Uncle John every day to lay claim to my late mother’s estate. And I am still working at the Green Slone supermarket. The man in the supermarket who was supposed to come and collect his can of green peas never arrived. Was he the knight in shining armour?
Chapter 12
One story I have read told me that I need to get a new job to find my prince. On my last day of work at the supermarket I used my own money to pay for the can of unclaimed green peas on the cashier counter table and checked out. And then I walked slowly to the neighbouring pop-up café and did a double shot before I went to see my father again. He makes wonderful fresh barley water.
Money makes the world go round. It is also true that the one who spends least is the winner.
Chapter 2
Mohamed Imran came in when Betty summoned him. Mr. Imran is a middle-aged man with no airs. His apple turnover was perfect. It was not too sweet with a lot of crumbs. Betty has it regularly at least once a week.
Without a further word, he passed her a note. In it said, “I request that all meals be sent to my room at 1:00 p.m., 6:30 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. with immediate effect. And every meal must be accompanied with a red rose.”
She has gone crazy! Betty told herself. Mr. Imran nodded his head seemingly, but he disagreed with Betty. She could see that he thought otherwise, and she was rather displeased with him. He is always on her side.Betty thought to herself.
Imran could read what Betty was thinking of. Betty Ling liked people who agreed with everything that she said. But he was not about to kowtow to Betty. Imran decided to talk to Simon about the note.
Betty once asked Simon to be her psychiatrist. “To be a psychiatrist you need a medical degree. I have never been to the university I could only act as a counsellor. A doctor must have a calm and even temperament. Moreover, I have never held a scalpel in my entire life.”
“A scalpel?” Betty asked.
“What is a scalpel?” “And what has a scalpel got to do with being a counsellor?” she asked again, ignorant.
“Chopper, I mean a knife for cutting meat.” Simon replied.
“But I am not asking you to operate on me!” Betty said, bewildered.
Simon rang Imran on the phone in front of Betty, “Has she ever cooked?” he asked.
“What has a chopper got to do with spiritual counselling?” Betty was still confused. She shouted after Simon as he was walking away.
Chapter 3
After he hung up the line with Mr. Imran, Simon quickly booked a room at the Smart Bacon Inn and asked to meet Patrick. He offered Patrick the key card to a room when he sat down in front of him. “246” Patrick looked at the folder with the key card slipped inside. Straight away Patrick took the card out and hid it in his trouser pocket although no one could conceivably have seen him at the time. He then took a sip of the wine and without finishing his salmon he stood up. He didn’t think that Simon was insincere in his offer.
“What shall I do?” Patrick Chan asked himself.
I really shouldn’t go out with Simon anymore. Patrick looked at his watch and registered the time as 18:06 and then he told himself to stay put for another twenty minutes. Once his patience wears out, I would be able to sneak out from the back door and leave by the hotel back entrance.
After Patrick had taken the key card, Simon found his dinner companion missing. Disappointed, he realized that Patrick had played him out. The cost of a room at the Smart Bacon Inn would have covered his Grab car ride for the entire month. So far this month, he has already spent two hundred and fifty-four dollars on private hire. You had no idea how much anights’ stay at the Smart Bacon Inn would cost.
“This woman must be punished,” he said at once, his mind thinking of Betty.
“Let me do it for you,” the waiter came and put a napkin on Simon’s lap.
Twenty minutes later, the waiter came back and placed a lamb chop on Simon’s table. Simon was so furious he had no mood to eat. But that since the food was already on his table, he decided to cut the meat into small square pieces and then he sprayed some tar 10 sauce over it, so that no one else could eat it. Tar 10 is a combination of Capsicum and Tomato Ketchup.
But, in effect it was too early for dinner. The purpose of the meeting was to have a heart-to-heart talk with Patrick. Patrick runs a photography studio. Now that the meeting was off, Simon had nothing more to do for the entire weekend. “Let me adjourn it to the next week,” Simon muttered under his breath.
Meanwhile, Betty had slipped out from the side of the Inn.
Chapter 4
This morning, when Mr. Imran went to the kitchen to give Betty a key card, Betty was slightly disappointed for she didn’t think that Simon too would complain to Patrick about her. Why would the lady of an Inn want a key card? Betty thought to herself.
The logical interpretation would be that Imran wanted Simon to check into the Smart Bacon Inn with her. But that she had not done anything untoward for him to trade her, unless one of their guests had offered him an “Indecent Proposal”.
Nobody knew that Betty had gone out with Keith for the night.
As usual Imran went to the tavern for a quick check before work. He found Keith at the corner. Keith was just finishing his plate and he gave Imran his credit card for payment. Imran found that his card failed.
“It didn’t go through, Sir,” Imran went back to his guest and told him.
“So, what does that mean?” Keith asked.
“Do you have another payment method?” Imran tried to help.
“Of course, I have,” Keith quickly replied, opening his wallet.
“There you go,” Keith dug out another card.
How many credit cards does he have? Imran thought to himself.
Chapter 5
This morning Mr. Imran presented Betty with an omelet in the kitchen. Betty was in an extremely bad mood, not having slept the entire night.
“What did you put inside?” Betty asked, almost raising her voice.
“I didn’t put anything inside, ma’am,” Imran replied, he always called Betty ma’am whenever they were alone together.
“I thought I saw you in my room last night,” Betty replied in sarcasms.
“Don’t frighten me like that, Ma’am,” Imran opened his eyes wide and continued, “I couldn’t have entered your room,” and becoming angry as well.
“Then someone else must have come in,” Betty insisted.
“You locked me out, don’t you remember?”
“My word is final,” “If I say that you did, it means that you did,” Betty was really in a very foul mood.
Mr. Imran looked at her in dismay and he said again, “Ma’am, I am a truthful witness, I can swear an oath if you wish,”
Of course, Betty couldn’t hear that part of the conversation, as she had already walked out of the kitchen.
Chapter 6
Patrick decided that he must help Imran. So, the next thing he did was to see a therapist. He could then refer her to Imran. A therapist is generally someone who would make you feel better, she could either give you a massage, a spa, or someone who was prepared to lend you a listening ear, not having any preconceived notions about your past and non-judgmental. But that they would charge you at the end of the session. If you have the money, why not?
Patrick did a thorough web search before he found the Tic-Tac-Toe Room.
The man arrived at the Moore Lords Building. The place was large and there was no clear sign telling him where to go and how to get to the therapist’s office. He knew the unit number. Finally, when he found Claire Chang’s clinic, the receptionist told him that it was impossible to see her unless he had a prior appointment, he became slightly crossed with himself.
“Wish I hadn’t come,” Patrick muttered.
“I can hear you,” the man standing next to him said.
“What?” Patrick’s voice got louder.
“Oh, just keep quiet, will you?” the stranger said.
“Why are you so rude?’ Patrick became angry with the man.
“Anyone who talks to himself is possessed by an evil spirit,” the man said.
“What evil spirit?” Patrick was shocked, “Who?” “Where is it now?”
Before he could get a response, the lady at the reception passed him a card to fill in.
Patrick grabbed the card and sat down by the lounge.
Impatient, he stood outside the consultation room for twenty minutes instead of sitting down, waiting for the assistant to open the door.
“How can I help you?” first things Claire Chang asked.
“I would like to know the name of your man outside,” he was still angry.
“Err, what man?” Claire Chang was curious.
“Your next patient,” Patrick said.
“Wait a minute, for this I would have to check with my assistant,” Claire replied, her hand on the intercom.
She buzzed and a nice girl came in.
“Jill, could you let me know who my next patient is?”
“Oh ok, his name is …. Alex,” Jill looked at the card.
Claire turned to Patrick, “So, what is your next question?”
“Ok, let me explain,” Patrick elaborated, “I saw a man outside,”
“Outside, outside where?” Claire continued with the thread.
“Outside your clinic, of course,” Patrick said, instead of “room”.
“Did you have difficulty finding my clinic?” Claire asked.
“Yes, it’s too deep,”
“Too deep? What do you mean by too deep?” Claire asked.
“First of all, it’s on the tenth floor, … then there are too many units here,”
“How long did you take to find me?” Claire.
“Almost half an hour,” Patrick.
“Oh my God!” Claire said, she buzzed Jill again.
Jill came in, “Yes, Ms. Claire?”
Where is the sign board for my unit?”
“It was taken away by the management,”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” by this time Claire was sullen.
Jill, “Sorry Ms. Claire, I was too busy,”
Claire said, “Doing what?” She looked at Jill.
Inside, Patrick was laughing, he thought to himself, I can make a therapist angry!
He stood up immediately, and he quickly rushed out of the clinic.
And by this time the rude man had already left.
In the room, Claire was asking Jill, “Where is my next patient?”
“There is no one else outside,” Jill said. So that Claire left to go outside for lunch, and then she gave herself the rest of the day off since she had to do retail therapy for herself.
Patrick wasn’t born yesterday. He hid behind the door at the staircase for at least another half an hour until he was sure that Claire had left the clinic.
Hiding at the staircase landing seemed to be his forte. Patrick was happy that both therapist and assistant had left the clinic. He had done web search and found out that the charges were at one-hundred and seventy dollars per session. And that was provided that he need not see Claire Chang again.
Chapter 7
Claire Chang kept permed hair, and although her eyes were large, the rest of her features were small. Her face reminded him of some fruit which he used to like, round and full. Her body was neither too thin nor too fat, but short. Patrick has no objections with short women. The thing he liked about her was her voice.
“What happened to you?” The first things she asked.
Patrick was in a good mood.
“If you are asking me about myself, of course I can tell you the truth. Surely, I know what happened to me.” Patrick told Claire specifically when he sat down in front of her at the next session.
Patrick re-examined her this time. He looked at her again and decided that she was too good to be true. Then he looked at her ring finger. There was no ring!
“So, how much would this cost me?” he came straight to the point, his mind thinking of the ring he would need to buy in order to get Claire to marry him.
Outside, Jill recorded a debit of three hundred and forty dollars for two sessions.
Once he was out of the counselling room, Patrick headed straight towards the nearest jewelers to hunt for a ring. He saw several but then he could not decide on which one. The salesgirl approached him and asked, almost confrontational,
“Are you interested?”
“Of course, why do you think I am here?”
“I am not sure what I want,” Patrick said.
“Ok, I am available now,” the salesgirl offered immediately.
“I like one with a stone inside a large band,” he said.
“We have several; emerald, ruby, and sapphire,” salesgirl pulled out a tray from her drawer.
Patrick looked at them, he frowned, then he said, “No, not these,”
“Bring the bride here the next time,” the salesgirl ordered.
I do not know how long it would take. Patrick was lost for a moment. And he immediately rang Simon for help.
“Listen, can I check in using your key card and bring another woman in?”
Chapter 8
Today Betty found herself in the Smart Bacon Inn alone waiting for a new guest to arrive. She had received a text message from an anonymous caller telling her that she needed to check in urgently.
The caller was a man. Betty usually got male guests. The men were mostly noisy tourists who checked in because they were transiting in the country. The women were often guests who came in only for an hour or two. Some could still recognize her, but most could not remember her name. She always recorded the names of all her guests.
They saw her for one or two nights and then they would just wake up to the situation and left. Betty was relaxed about this. She had enough capital to last her for at least three years. The Inn was bought over from an estate magnet Richard Phua in 2006 after she and Imran came back from London.
Before the guests checked in, she always knew what to ask them,
“So, where are you going for a holiday next?” The smart ones would respond with,
“Am I not on holiday now?”
Some would say, “If I ever come back to Singapore again, I would certainly check into this Inn,”
To which Betty would respond, “Sure, we would be around,”
Another would ask, “For how long?”
“For as long as your heart’s desire,”
“A diamond for a Christmas present?”
“Oh, let me make a booking for next Christmas,”
Betty would look at her calendar and record the date.
Today the note came again, “You missed my rose last night at 11:00 p.m., what happened?”
Betty wrote, “Florist closed,” and she went up to the second floor and slipped the note under the room door of “246”.
There was no reply.
Chapter 9
“Are you awake?” this morning Betty was concerned. She went to room “246” again and slipped another note under the door.
When she went down again, she saw a text from the same anonymous caller, the man who wanted to check in.
“Where are you from?” she asked.
“I am here,” responded the text.
Here? Where? Betty couldn’t see anyone in front of her now.
This is serious, my guest has gone MIA. Betty became more worried.
Keep calm. She remembered the advice given by Imran whenever she was in a frenzy.
“Call me now,” the next text came.
Immediately Betty rang Imran.
“Why did you call me?” Imran shouted at her the minute he picked up the phone.
“Err … I thought you told me to call you …” Betty stammered.
“Since when?” Imran shouted.
Betty quickly concocted a tale, “You told me to call you in the morning,”
“From the bedroom?” he asked.
“From in the kitchen,” she replied,
“Make up your mind, kitchen or bedroom?” Imran nailed her.
“Err … I think it was the kitchen,” she replied, meekly.
“But I thought you said that I was in the bedroom with you?”
“Err … bedroom and kitchen!” the frightened woman answered.
“Ok, I am in the kitchen now, come down from the bedroom right away,” Imran ordered.
But I am not in the bedroom now …. Betty started to panic.
Chapter 10
After the shower, Keith told Betty to hurry down to the counter.
“Your husband is downstairs waiting for you,” he said.
“But I am not ready yet!” Betty wanted to go into the bathroom.
“Hurry, dear,” Keith said.
“Ok, as you say, darling,” the woman complied.
Once Betty was out of the room, Keith quickly checked his wallet.
There was only a hundred-dollar bill, and two ten-dollar notes.
“Oh my God!” Keith muttered.
He decided to go down to see Imran the inn keeper.
Imran was just standing at the reception.
“What can I do for you this morning?” he asked the pale looking man.
“Can you debit my account and hold on to the charge when I come in next time?”
“Of course, I can,” Imran was generous.
“But for this I would have to charge you for the two nights stay with my wife,” Imran was firm.
“No, it was just one night,” Keith tried to defend himself.
“So, you did have sex with my wife,” Imran got it figured out.
“How much would that cost?” Keith was prepared to pay for it.
“Do you have another credit card?” Imran asked.
Keith dipped his hand into his pocket, and he fished out a new card called “The Delight”.
He handed it to Imran, and he whispered, apologetically, “I don’t normally use this card, but for reasons best known to you, I am using it now,”
“Is it good?” Imran asked.
“Yes, of course, else I won’t surrender the card to you,” “And how much is the stay this time?”
“Charge you mean?” Imran.
“Yes, yes, of course, charge?” Keith.
As Imran was returning the invoice to Keith, he muttered, “Next time you come, the charge would be at five hundred and eight dollars per night.”
Now Betty is downstairs and standing next to Imran.
“So, where are you going for a holiday next?” not being privy to the conversation earlier on.
“Lady, I will let you know before I come next time,” Keith said.
Imran was satisfied, he buzzed, and Betty accompanied the man out of the Smart Bacon Inn.
Instead, Keith went back to the Inn from the side entrance the moment Betty was out of range and he went straight up to “246”.
Chapter 11
Patrick finally drifted into the Smart Bacon Inn. He pushed the door and it opened on its own.
A lady with short curly hair was standing at the counter. She had a radiant smile and she said “Hello” even before Patrick had greeted her.
“Would you like a room, sir?” Betty asked.
“Yes, of course, else I won’t be here,”
“Oh yes Patrick! It’s you!”
“You thought I was somebody else?” Patrick asked.
“Err … no, I thought you were another guest, haven’t seen you for a long time,” she said.
“Yes, it’s been three, four years?” Patrick had no reason to be offended.
“Ok, I know why you are here,” immediately Betty said.
“Why?” Patrick asked.
“I don’t know actually,” Betty became worried again. She was still recovering from Keith last night.
Patrick looked at her and put her fears at rest, “I have the key to a room already,”
“What number?” the lady asked.
“Number 246,” the man answered.
“NO!!!” the lady of the inn shouted at the top of her voice!
You can’t check into that room!!!
“Why not? Patrick asked, confounded.
Without another word, Betty rushed out of the counter, away from the kitchen, she went to the second floor and as she arrived at the door, Keith was just coming out.
“So you are the anonymous caller!” Betty shouted, “And you have been sleeping with my daughter!!”
She gave Keith a tight slap immediately, even before the poor man had anything to say.
Meanwhile, Imran was downstairs calculating the bill, and closing the Smart Bacon Inn for the night.
The bill for Keith still stands at five hundred and eight, and the one for Patrick was free.
leegoldielocks 