I remembered the past when I was evil …….
Chapter 1
It’s getting clearer and clearer now, that she wants me dead.
I decided to try out a nursery at Chancery Lane, as it was just two lanes away. The school was crowded with students as I walked in. The board has a large display: “Paddington Schoolhouse”. I quickly took a picture of the entrance before proceeding to walk in. No one saw me taking the picture.
And no one followed me in either.
The school wall was plastered with wallpaper of different species of flowers, together with words of alphabets. I tried to catch them in alphabetical order. So, I stood still for a while, and then I started identifying them. I found “A”, followed by “B”, and then I had to take a long time before I could find “C”. Finally, after I saw “D”, I decided to jump to “H”.
At this moment I heard a voice calling, “Where are you baby?”
Shocked, I thought the woman was calling me, as I distinctly remembered that there was no one around when I entered.
Then who is the baby? And who was this woman?
Chapter 2
Minutes later I saw a parrot in a cage, instantly I decided that this should be the item that I must bring home today. Its body is round and if it were a man, you would call him fat. But his feathers are arranged in a layered and orderly manner I would say. I fell in love with the fowl even before I took him home. As I wanted him to be free, I did not capture him before I walked away to look for the owner of the premises to arrange for a way to bring him home. At the time I had completely forgotten that it did not belong to me. And that some negotiations needed to be done before anything could happen.
“He is a bird! Of course he could fly home with me,” I thought to myself.
I walked away from the cage, and I walked further into the school. Still, no one was around.
To the far-right corner I saw a clean toilet. I cannot tell you how I am able to determine that the toilet was clean even before I started using it. But then when I heard the sound of a flush, I decided to walk in, forgetting that it was a male toilet. From a long time ago, I suffer from pelvic floor dysfunction. It could be that I drank too much water in the morning before I came in, or perhaps I took too much coffee. Coffee is diuretic we all know.
But no one is inside the toilet. So, I came out again and then decided to survey the entire scene before I could satisfy myself that I was alone in the schoolhouse.
Since I was alone here, I thought to myself, let me pretend that I am the principal, and that there are school kids on the floor. Further on, I decided that I was a teacher, and that since I was a teacher, I am entitled to a pointer stick, a writing board, some markers and an eraser. And then when I felt a little tired, I sat down on a stool. By this time, I had completely forgotten that I needed to use the toilet just now.
My bladder is completely under my control by now.
Afterwards, I heard some people laughing. “They must be my students,” I thought to myself. So, I decided to start talking to them.
“This is A for America,” “B for Bangkok,” “C for China,” and then when I found that there was no answer, I decided to try other means of introduction.
“This is A for Apple,” “B for bed,” “C for chair,” and “D for desk,” using furniture instead. But still no one responded. Of course I know that apple is a fruit.
Frustrated, I started shouting, “Why are all of you so quiet?!!!”
Just at this time, a man with a black polo shirt walked in, from which direction I don’t know.
“Why are you shouting?” he asked.
“No, I am not shouting,” at the top of my voice I retorted.
“Lower your voice,” the man in black said.
“Ok, fine, who are you?” “And why are you here?”
“I am the security guard,” he said, “Can’t you see?” he pointed to the word on his attire, and then he continued, “S for Singapore, I for India, N for Norway, G for Germany, A for …. Ok the rest you know,”
“What do you mean by the rest you know?” “I don’t know anything,” I replied. And then, “carry on,” I ordered.
He laughed, “ok, so you are here alone, is that right?”
“Of course I am alone,” I said, “Do you see anyone else around?” I decided to treat him as my first student.
“Yes, I can see you standing here,” he tried to argue.
“So, there are students here, right?” I tried to impose upon him.
“Err …. Err … yes!” he said after a pause.
“How many?” I am now making fun of him.
“I can see a few, in fact, several ….”, this time without punctuation.
Hahaha I was laughing inside.
“By the way, why are they laughing just now?” I enquired.
“Who? Me?” he asked.
“No, not you, the students,” I replied.
“Oh yes, I think they were happy, that’s why …. ” a most logical answer to anyone who laughs.
I smiled, satisfied that this security man has now submitted to me, I decided to probe in further. So, I tried to find out his name before I recorded it in my memory bank. And the bank is known as UN5386. No, this is not a physical bank, not brick and mortar. And it is just the name of my new notebook.
“Hey wait! I am not done with you!” He yelled after me.
Chapter 3
He came in as an invisible man. And I spoke to him.
“Who are you?” first thing I said, “I had never seen you before,”
“I brought some plants for you, as well as some bird food for your bird, the one that flew away,”
“Oh, she told you?” I said,
“No, she didn’t, I just gathered that you needed it,” insisting that he didn’t know that I knew the school principal. I knew that I wasn’t the principal.
So, the security guard must have reported that I behaved badly the other day when I confronted him, or rather he confronted me.
How could he? I didn’t touch him, and I stopped talking the minute he ordered me not to shout, when in fact I was talking to the thin air.
What? He thinks I am mad?
People are entitled to talk to themselves whenever they feel like. And everyone is entitled to laugh to themselves if they wish to.
I continue to station myself in the school.
Chapter 4
I saw the same man again. This time he called himself the bus conductor. And he noticed me at once. I wasn’t sure what it was about me that attracted me to him. But certainly, I wasn’t drawn to him.
I gave an OMG expression.
I looked down at my shoes. They were brown, and then I saw that I was wearing a pair of jeans and t-shirt. I liked jeans because it has pockets to hide my iPhone. Mobile in all aspects, I disliked people on wheelchair to board the bus, as it gives the driver a lot of extra work to do. He has to put the gear on neutral, apply the brakes, letting the engine run without a driver, then move to the exit door to pull the folded platform down to allow for smooth boarding of the passenger on wheelchair. I wanted to be a wheelchair assistant when I was looking for a job. But at the time I was afraid of losing my way at the vast airport. I told myself unless I was travelling out of the country I won’t arrive at the airport.
My house is a gloomy, hot, airless, attic room. Four small, mean windows shut tight with wooden shutters appeared to be the only means of ventilation. I hurried into the room to open the venetian blinds to allow the sun in. I added one bedside table and one small wardrobe to complete the furnishings when I moved in. Only one bed was allowed inside as I didn’t want strangers to sneak in and occupy my attic. You never know. Some people do have very good imagination, and they can virtually occupy your house. That is why I never allow anyone in except my closest friends and relatives. My neighbors are far away on the lower floors. The attic I spray clean with Dettol disinfectant at least once a day.
You could say that I got 洁癖. It means that I am obsessed with cleanliness.
However, several lizards are living with me as I find it hard to get rid of them. They are tough, cold-blooded, and they run away whenever I approach them. One time I had to empty half a bottle of Baygon insect killer before I could get a lizard to submit.
I hate lizards. I hate their tiny little eyes that pops out from the side.
Chapter 5
Everything was behind closed door now. I don’t go out, and I eat at home, as a spat of housebreaking has been reported in my neighborhood. I was afraid that once I leave the house the thieves would enter and take possession, filming the entire house with no stone unturned. You are right, I treat my house as a museum, and I don’t like photos taken. With or without myself inside. Friends who have taken pictures of us in the house have been deserted. It is extremely rude to come into someone’s house and film their artwork. Worse, if they have taken pictures of inside your toilet on the pretext of wanting to comb their hair.
I don’t comb my hair in the mornings after I wake up.
And I have told several people before. I have converted my thin long fingernails into the teeth of my comb since ages ago. You could take that as an explanation. But the more logical explanation is that it has become a habit to just pick up the hairdryer and let the hot air to blow at it. It is much faster that way.
Chapter 6
I was at a meeting today. And there I heard everyone talking about visiting Vietnam. Laura turned to me and asked me “are you going anywhere for a holiday?”
“Where would you like me to go?” I asked her.
“Anywhere. Just get out of this crazy town.”
“What’s crazy about this town?” I asked her.
“It’s crazily hot. At 34 degrees Celsius, you can bake anyone under the sun,”
“That is provided you sunbathe,” I said.
“If you don’t put yourself under the sun, why would you feel hot?” I added, just to emphasize.
Immediately Sandra chipped in and said, “a baby in the oven,”
“Baby in the oven?!!! That’s an exaggeration.”
“Oh, have you heard of the case of a Filipina helper putting a baby in the oven before?”
“Oh, my goodness! What on earth was she trying to do?”
“To kill the baby of course.”
“She could have been executed,”
“She was, I am sure.” “That was first degree murder.” “Doing an act with intent to cause harm, thus leading to death.” Vincent said.
“So, did her country come to fetch her home after that?”
“Her remains were repatriated.”
“Helpers can be very mean at times.”
“The fact that she was a Filipina had nothing to do with the crime that she committed.” Laura pleaded.
Laura was a Filipina who married an Englishman and migrated here from twenty years ago.
“Sure,” I replied.
How do I tell my rich friends to stop thinking about fleeing the country?
And how do I turn Laura into my friend?
Chapter 7
At home lying on my bed, I tried to reason with Laura.
But God told me: You can’t. Unless you meet again, go back to yesterday, erase the conversation, and put Laura on the witness stand, to make her defend the helper and see if she could prove her innocence.
Somethings just can’t change. And some past cannot be eliminated. People remember. Old people who are still alive remember. Young people who have good memory remember what their parents tell them. If a crime has been committed in a city, unless the entire city enters into a sleep mode permanently. The crime that you have committed the gods remember. Call it a sin in the Bible, but 他是杀人灭口。Everyone knows what you did, and what happened on that day that created this day. With or without children, someone out there, someone near you, a sound, a thought prompted by a tiny little creature, will remind you, your own brains, that you killed someone who was in your hands. Unless you have an excellent lawyer, who can plead your case, and a lenient judge who is willing to exonerate you, you cannot go free. For what reason do you have for killing?
For the good of your country? For the good of mankind? For humanity, like Elon Musk? No, Elon Musk is not a murderer. I have not seen him kill. But how can I be so sure? Well, no one has proved otherwise to me.
Maybe that is why rich people are always trying to travel. For the need of good fresh air, I guess. This city is full of hot balloonish air. And unless you turn on the air conditioning you cannot sleep.
The bill is getting higher. But as they say, you pay for what you deserve, which is the nice cool air. We must pay for everything isn’t it.
No one owes me a living I know. But no one owes you a living too.
Chapter 8
The group discussion today was whether there are any hidden benefits to being the only diner in a fancy restaurant, or is it just uncomfortable?
My answer to them was “uncomfortable”. It’s like going back into your house and eating the food that you prepared and having all the surroundings in your home changed into fantasy. I am not interested in make believes, even though I am well aware that I am writing fiction now. But who doesn’t like fiction? The real world is full of crimes and hatred. That is what I see on the television every day. So, I turn off the television from today. If there are no negative report on the news, then I would switch it on and leave it on all the time. My neighbors below might get offended with the bombarding of noise, but let him get upset, since they are not my ears anyway.
Yes, war broke out at the Thailand and Cambodia mutual border today.
Again?
And why they call it “mutual” border? It is separated by a Preah Vihear temple erected from since time immemorial. I don’t study history, so I don’t know the date and time when they declared a truce. Not that I don’t like history, but that I have not been given enough cells for my brains to receive it and then process it. This was decided by God when He created me. Err. I think he is residing in Mars now. Since he created mankind and the earth, he must be living in the vast galaxy.
I am living. But I am not God and have never attempted to pretend that I am omnipresent. Some people do. Those who love power who love control. They think that they have special powers when in fact it is the money that they carry with them and the weapons that they have been given which make people fear them.
What about doctors? Doctors are here to save lives, not to overrule patients’ authority to make decisions for themselves. The needle can kill, but so can it heal. An injection or an advice which is contrary to the patients’ desire, even if behind closed doors, is harmful if given when the man sitting in front of him did not wish for it to be taken.
Who says that the man who went into the operation theatre went in without his original intent? Who says that the consent form was signed with free will when in fact it was signed under duress? Or in a moment of weakness? Or simply because the doctor said, “trust me,”? Why should I trust anybody but myself?
Chapter 9
Vincent had a cup of tea instead of coffee before I went out today.
This time I took the side entrance to the Cherry Hill mall. I go in from the side and no one saw me. Other times when I take the main entrance a man would pull open the door for me, not on purpose, but that he happened to be coming out himself. We have dispensed with the need for a doorman for a long time. It is an extremely boring job, and guests who are being served may not even appreciate it. This often shows when not a word of thank you was said.
Oh yeah, we have a lady doorman. Maybe we can call her a lady door opener. I miss her as she is a replica of one of my late aunties.
But this is not what I am here for today. I am here in the schoolhouse now. And I am investigating a murder which took place recently. The chief investigating officer did not give me the specific date, and I am just here to look see. To find out if there were any threads leading to the murder. Murder is always life and can never be pardoned. Even if the state pardons you, God does not pardon the one who pardoned he who killed. For whom are you to play God? You killed His creation!
So, I stepped up to the security man again. Did you see the man who was here yesterday? The man? Which man? He asked.
“He was wearing a green shirt yesterday.” I said, knowing that it was myself.
“Oh, I can’t remember,” the man replied, still wearing his black polo shirt.
“But I remember you,” I told him.
“And you ordered me to shut up.” I spoke.
“No, I didn’t.” he responded.
By this time, I realized that the security man whom I saw on 21 July 2025 at the schoolhouse, was already dead. I mean some of his brain cells are dead. He cannot recall what happened just a week ago.
That is why I bought a notebook!
I tell you: these notebooks are the best in the word. You can’t find them anymore in the Apple iPhone stall.
The world has changed, and I am not trying to tell you that digital devices are no longer useful. It’s just that we should not rely too much on a smartphone.
Otherwise, we might as well replace our brains with a smartphone.
Chapter 10
“Wait! You dropped your spoon on the floor,” Vincent shouted after me as I was walking away during the meeting.
There it is a hideously embarrassing truth dropped right into the middle of a conversation.
“What color is it?” I asked.
“You mean to say that if it’s black you don’t want it?” he asked, looking puzzled as usual.
He is trying to say that I am crazy again.
Just to prove him wrong, I told him that I don’t object to black, and that I was merely checking if it were mine, telling him that my umbrella is actually black, and indeed the question was perfectly legitimate.
“Ok, here you go,” he said, passing me the umbrella.
“Hey! I am here, what do you mean by go? That’s pretty rude. It sounds like go away.” But then in my little brains I too say 去死 as a term of endearment. Of course I am not a lizard. My brains are that of a normal human being. Everyone who sees me would testify to that.
But how would anyone know what I say to others in my brains?
Again, the question popped up in Audrey’s head – “but how did others know that murder that has been committed in the schoolhouse? And then how would others know that the principal is dead?
Chapter 11
Furtively I walked into the schoolhouse again.
“She has turned cold,” Vincent said.
“Oh dear! How long ago has it been?” I asked.
“I don’t know, probably three months ago,” he replied.
“Since the day I walked in?” I queried.
No wonder I heard some noises when I was there on 21 July. It was a Monday. So, the schoolhouse is haunted.
Yeah, and that was why I started talking to myself, when surrounded by the unseen beings. Were they good or evil?
And then the woman must have been the late school principal. Was she the woman’s voice? Or was she her assistant who was also killed at the same time who witnessed the crime? I knew that I wasn’t hearing voices. Could it have been a recorder being played in the background? For sure I know that my hearing was good.
“No quite apart from this, we don’t know where it happened. So, it must have been elsewhere.” Vincent said.
“But where?” Audrey asked.
“Beats me,” Vincent said.
Chapter 12
I spoke to my regular death medicolegal who drew up a medical chart to find out if she had any medical history before. If she had, she could have died of natural causes. Under normal circumstances, a normal healthy woman of sound mind would not put herself in a situation where she would get into trouble.
“Noodles or porridge?” my mother-in-law asked.
I shrugged. Vincent shrugged. I sighed and left the queue. Vincent would bring my order to the table. He knows what I like.
Three minutes later Vincent put the food on my table. I decided to start first before MIL arrived. Just in case you don’t know, MIL is an abbreviation for mother-in-law. Just like why Covid was called coronavirus. It is called corona-virus because it was deadly. Since a corona inquiry means an investigation on the causes of death.
MIL took a long time talking to the man selling the fried kway teow. She was obviously interested in the man. I thought to myself.
“Why is she taking so long?” “The man is not good looking at all,” I continued.
“He likes her,” Vincent said.
“But why?” I asked. She is married to your dad, right?”
“No, my dad has passed away a long time ago,” my husband finally confessed.
“Huh?” “This is the first time you are telling me,”
Immediately I heard commotion, and the spectators came. MIL has just slapped the hawker man.
Vincent stood still, not saying a word. I let the police come and take her away, whilst the poor man who had been slapped said he wasn’t injured seriously, and that he didn’t want to go to the hospital. Since he was obviously the victim, the police let him off the hook. I mean, he could have provoked her or what.
This is the way we function. In a civilized world, we let the victim decide if he needs to be treated, or wants to be treated, but what did he say that provoked my poor MIL, who was now in custody?
Chapter 13
Vincent said he has no idea.
No idea as to what?
As to how the school principal died? Or as to what the man at the hawker centre said to his mother?
I married Vincent three years ago, after having dated with each other for more than seven years. By now the romance would have died for most people. But not for the both of us. We always had things to do, cases to investigate, and people to meet. Some are victims and some are prosecutors. But we know where we must avoid.
The expensive restaurants.
Not say we cannot afford it, but that we don’t want to disturb the peace there. People who dine out too regularly are those who don’t know what to do with the money that they have. I don’t splurge money around. I try to save as much as I could. Unless the articles find me and haunt me.
Yes, I saw a pair of earrings today. It is gorgeous. I decided to pay for it on the spot. I dug into my wallet and found that I did not have enough cash. So, I lied to the salesman and said that it was too expensive.
Vincent would yell at me if he saw my earrings, and until I have found a place to hide it, I would keep it on standby.
“Where is she? Is she still with you?” I heard Vincent speaking on the phone the moment I got back.
I take it that he must be talking to the officer who took his mother. So, I kept quiet. But when the earrings popped up in my brains again at midnight when he was sound asleep, I couldn’t help but wake him and asked him if I could buy it.
Still half asleep, “go ahead, dear …..” was what my husband had said.
Exuberated, I left the bed and went to the bureau to take out a stack of cash.
And I jumped back into the bed thinking that Vincent did not know how much I took.
The moon came up over the window, and I realized that the harvest moon was approaching. Yes, I must greet everyone “Happy Mooncake Festival”. Even though I don’t eat the delicacy. It is very sweet. My tooth is sweet enough.
“Fine,” I heard Vincent said this morning at breakfast. I took it that he knew that I took the money and approved it.
“So, it’s fine right?” again I asked.
“Yes, she is fine,” he thought I was inquiring after MIL.
Who cares about MIL these days?
Chapter 14
Meetings are six times a week, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays we meet too. But it is an impromptu meeting which means that unless there are new threads, we don’t need to discuss.
Laura was happy that Vincent sat next to her. I moved to the other side of Laura and allowed Vincent uninterrupted conversation with her. This is in consideration of the pair of crystal earrings that I bought.
It took Sandra just two seconds to find out that I had new jewelry. Finally, after much small talk, I disclosed the price and Sandra promised to keep it a secret from my husband.
“So, it cost one thousand and thirty-five dollars.” I heard Vincent said as he left to take a glass of water at the coffee table.
How did Laura and Vincent know that I bought a piece of earrings, and how did she know the price? Oh, Laura might have seen my earrings even before Sandra commented, but the price?
My mind was beginning to crack.
The minute I got home I confessed to my husband immediately.
“Were the earrings too expensive and beyond our budget? I took the cash from the bureau.”
“Forget it Audrey, we found her body.”
“But where was it?”
“Behind the school, where the wet market sellers dump the old unwanted frozen foods.”
“Oh, so she was murdered in the school,” I heaved a sigh of relief as I could now confirm that I wasn’t hearing voices. It was the woman the late Fiona Chee who was talking to me.
Chapter 15
Now that we have found the murdered, we could proceed to find the killer.
Let us all sleep quietly under the Buck Moon, and the guy would appear on his own tomorrow under bright sunlight.
Chapter 16
My husband decided to tell me the truth.
“Audrey, I slept with Fiona …. please forgive me ….”
“What?” I still could not hear. Maybe I heard and could not bear the truth.
“Why did you do that?” I whispered, knowing that the truth would implicate him as the number one suspect.
“She was attractive, and I fell for her …. “Vincent’s face was dark like the moon covered by a layer of thin clouds.
But why did you have to do that??? Audrey was furious.
“Fact is that I didn’t murder her.” He emphasized.
“Then why are you telling me that?” Audrey lowered her voice this time.
“I couldn’t take it anymore. Doing all the investigations has made me sick.”
“But you are not sick right?” Audrey was pretty sure.
“The money that I left in the bureau was for you to buy anything that you like, but I didn’t know that you would turn up at the meeting with it, before telling me where it came from,”
“What do you mean?”
“It was the same pair of earrings that Fiona was wearing when she slept with me,”
“So, it is recycled goods???”
“Yes, am afraid so,”
“OMG. OMG.”
So, I became Fiona number two!
This just too bizarre to carry on, before I too go crazy.
Chapter 17
The truth must come out, as all truths would.
I could see the moon ascending on the horizon whilst I was lying in bed with my husband. Tonight, I did not feel like asking him for a goodnight kiss, instead I pulled the blanket over my face, and I left the lamp by my side on without turning it off. I could feel Vincent turning cold beside me.
No investigators came, no police came, in fact, it was just my husband and I in the bedroom, lying side by side, unable to talk to each other.
But if no one killed Fiona, then who did? The answer is simple. Vincent slept with Fiona, and he wanted to shut her up so he killed her. But he couldn’t contain the truth so he confessed to his wife Audrey. Now that the truth is out, he had to finish himself up and he poisoned himself. How did he do it? By cyanide? By Dettol? Or by Baygon? Whatever, we don’t really care now, as we all know that the murderer is also dead. And that Fiona is residing in heaven now.
Heaven is where happiness can be found. Heaven is when you talk to your friends, and they respond to you. Heaven is when you feel that you can manage your own affairs without having to depend on others to decide for you, and heaven is when you are allowed to make your own decisions, and heaven is when no one orders you around and tell you what to do. Most of all, heaven is when God answers your prayers. Heaven is when you are allowed to talk to yourself, smile to yourself and no one says that you are mad.
But just don’t be rude to me. Don’t open conversation with me as a stranger when you don’t have to. Because I am not God.
I need to think of what to do tomorrow. And for this I can decide for myself. I don’t need to pray and ask God for discernment for a simple thing like that. Some people have been moved to a position where they need to pray before they eat. I count my blessings every day. I count my money every day. And I thank God for giving me a set of good parents. They created me. And once done, they let God handle me. No, I have not met God in person yet. I am simply residing in his realm, the milky way known as the galaxy.
Yes, I told a stranger off today. She was there to make conversation with me. She tried to pretend that a stranger was my husband, and she pretended that she was waiting for her partner to join her in the queue.
Nastiness has its rewards.
Chapter 18
The good old monster came.
He said he was my friend, and I took his word for it.
No matter how hard I try, I still believe in people, and open my mouth to strangers when they start talking to me. I am not a mannequin, and I am not dead. I just want to learn how to be nasty, as everyone says, we islanders are naive and small. But I am stronger than you think, as I am slowly beginning to learn to be nasty, guided by the gentle monster.
I love him! He changed me into a new leaf!
leegoldielocks 